Making a move on DH's friend

[suspiciousqueen]

I posted previously on relationships board about my dh.

At the moment as it stands, I can't stand him, today I just lost it with him in front of the kids and then few mins later apologised to the kids and went for a walk to clear my head.
It's constantly on my mind of how he lied and hid stuff from me. I thought we were the kind of couple that would tell each other everything no matter what but obviously not.

So today I had a 'bright idea' of flirting with one of his friends when we all meet up this weekend. Just to fuck him off in all honesty.
I've always been loyal to my DH even when we were dating and his friends would give me lingering looks but I never fell for it.
I just want to give him a taste of his own medicine to show him what it feels like.

Beginning of this year he told me I can't be friends with his other group of friends cos one of his friends and I struck up a genuine friendship and he hated it. I never hid anything, told my DH everything we spoke about and it was all innocent but he nonetheless still didn't feel comfortable me talking to him so I cut ties with the friend which I was sad about.

So aibu in flirting outrageously with one of his friends this weekend?

Btw I haven't flirted with another guy in 30 years so will need help in this department!

This

You both need to grow up.

The friend is single so what do I have to lose?

Any shred of dignity you might've had?

Also, him being single doesn't mean he's going to appreciate being a pawn in your silly little game.

He'll probably pull your husband aside and ask what the fuck you're on 😳

Are you 12? I refuse to believe this is real.

You need help,definitely. Not in flirting,mind
Help in judgement, appropriate behaviour and not being a dick

Is this real? Or a troll post? Can’t believe anyone would be so batshit in RL.

Wtf is wrong with you. Are you deliberately trying to mess your kids up with immature mind games with ex

If this is real you sound as bad as each other. Do everyone a favour and split up

What about getting your own friends to go with? You sound like a teenager "I can go if I want, we are going separately"....

What have you got to lose?

Your self respect and dignity! That's what!

@suspiciousqueen whatever you think you are going to achieve from this behaviour will only backfire on you and give your H more 'proof' on what a nightmare you are .......................... plus he will have witnesses to back him up along with a video of you kicking off the other day.

If you want to be smart, start seeing a lawyer, get your ducks in a row re documentation. Leave him with the best kind of financial package you can

Op, I can’t work this out. I mean this politely but are you just not very smart? Are you thinking you can walk off with his mate? Or that flirting with him will do anything other than be utterly cringe for everyone. You’re going out with his mates, when they know it’s over you will be out. You are only there due to him.

Planning to go and flirt with his friend and ignore your partner is so cringe. And so I can’t decide if it’d you lack intelligence or you are so distressed you can no longer think rationally and this is some form of abherrarion.

Oh boy, you both need to grown up and either talk to each other like adults or split up.

Are you and your husband separated? You keep saying you're done with him, yet you still live together and are attending an event together this weekend with his friends? Why not put your energy into protecting your children from all of this toxic behaviour while you arrange your separate lives, rather than trying to make it worse?

As an aside, you say your husband loves to look like the victim which is why he filmed you ranting and raving. Flirting with his friend will not only be embarrassing for frankly everyone, but will cement in their minds that he is a victim and his wife is a bit of a tart.

The facts are: he's not letting me take the kids to be able to move out. He's a hands on dad and the kids adore him.
So we're stuck living in the same house.

I KNOW what I'm suggesting is childish and immature but fuck it I'm going for it. Even though we're living in the same house we are separated and if it means cracking on with his single friend then so be it. I'm happy taking that risk. And when I mean 'cracking on' I'll just be talking to him and see what the vibe is.
His friend is my type and yeah if he reciprocates then great and if he doesn't then great too, at least I'll have a fun night either way.

From what most of you have advised you're worried it'll affect my kids. It wont. That's all I can say.

I'll post an honest update on Sunday.

You're in your 50s?

From what most of you have advised you're worried it'll affect my kids. It wont.

you think they don't know you despise each other? You think they haven't noticed the atmosphere?

🙄

Of course this will impact your kids. Their family life is toxic. They have parents who argue and explode at each other. Honestly, how could you think this wouldn’t impact your kids? Utter craziness!

Oh then off you go humiliating yourself and giving people someone to laugh at and gossip about.

Serioisky have you no shame or self respect? I’m cringing for the fool you’re going to make of yourself looking like the local desperate housewife

Your poor kids having a pair of game playing fuckwits as parents

@suspiciousqueen

I know what I might do is childish but he's made me feel so unwanted for a good few years and I know i'm completely done with him, and as I haven't flirted with another guy for 30 years I know I'm going to suck at it. The friend is single so what do I have to lose?...knowing me I'll just speak with him and take it from there but it'll be nice to know if feelings are reciprocated.
And no, I won't be outrageously flirting,

What do you have to lose? The respect of the friends who are present when you 'flirt' with your unsuspecting friend. The affection of that friend when he realizes you're leading him on. And your self respect when you lose their respect. Not to mention the 'ammo' you're giving your husband when he finds out. And then the respect of all the people he blabs to. I'd say that's quite a lot to lose.

And what do you mean 'if the feelings are reciprocated'? You don't care for him above friendship. Your friendship for him is already reciprocated by him. What you want to do is use his possibly stronger feeling for you to prove something to yourself. That's not 'reciprocating'. That's using.

But if you don't do your stupid 'flirting' you'll have the respect of all who know you and their admiration when you leave that loser. And you'll keep the affection of the friend and his support when you leave. I'd say that's much more important than and 'get backs' at your DH, and the desire to prove you've 'still got it'.

BTW, if you're actually contemplating a 'relationship' with this friend, then do the moral and principled thing. Get out of your marriage first. Cheating is still cheating and two wrongs still don't make a right.

Your husband can't stop you from taking your DC if you leave. Get legal advice and stop making excuses for staying in a shitty marriage. All you're doing is making excuses and will end up making a huge disaster for yourself AND your DC.

Bonkers idea

And tbh if he reciprocates after you throw yourself at him, he’s not exactly a good bloke and mate is he plus a lot of men would shag a stray dog if it mounted them?

Don't flatter or humiliate yourself

If you are living as separated and there is no love anymore, what out of interest are you hoping to achieve by mildly flirting with his mate?
Like other than everyone think it's a bit sad and awkward what's the end goal?
Are you hoping he will be like 'oh god she's so hot and sexy everyone including my mates want to get with her, I must be mad and should do whatever she wants from here on in'.

Or , 'I'm so angry that my beautiful but sadly estranged wife is going to get with my mate, I will definitely react to this but in a controlled way that means my young children who live with us and adore me are completely oblivious to it all'.

Also bit weird that you are still socialising together anyway.

Seriously don't do it. In the unlikely event that his friend does like you, he's still going to feel really bloody awkward that his mate's wife is cracking onto him at a party where his mate is present!! How could this possibly be a good idea?
You're going to make your DH feel like shit (which will have the knock on effect of creating more toxicity in the house for the kids). You're going to embarrass his mate who you claim to like, you're going embarrass yourself. People will notice and either laugh or feel awkward. I doubt you'll get the ego boost you want when the mate is likely to act awkwardly and give you the cold shoulder.

Seriously, what sort of guy would respond to his mates wife flirting with him anyway? I'm guessing that the guy doesn't know the state of your marriage if he's happy to go on a night out with you, but even if he did, it's not what normal decent people do, is it? So either he's going to reject you pretty sharpish and you'll look a fool in front of your H, or he'll play along because he's desperate/shady/a rubbish friend/a chancer. So surely that would be frying pan/fire?

If you read my latest post you'll know that I wrote that I'll just be talking to the friend, maybe a little amped up with flirty chat. I won't be flaunting my arse and tits at him. So how on earth am I losing my self respect and integrity? It'll be an ego boost either way for me as it'll show I have the confidence to get out of my comfort zone.

And no the kids have zero idea, the day I had a go at him in front of kids was a one off and I explained to them I got angry with dad and didn't handle it well and that it won't be happening again, but yes, I'll be worried if it happens again. I'll need ample amount of self control. This is the first time I've acted like this in front of kids in 3 odd years since problems started so I think I'm allowed just one pass.

It feels freeing knowing I can do whatever I want as an individual without answering to anyone.
One of the perks of co-habiting is a built in baby sitter (for want of a better word) on set days. This is my chance to make a better life for myself.