Making a move on DH's friend

[suspiciousqueen]

I posted previously on relationships board about my dh.

At the moment as it stands, I can't stand him, today I just lost it with him in front of the kids and then few mins later apologised to the kids and went for a walk to clear my head.
It's constantly on my mind of how he lied and hid stuff from me. I thought we were the kind of couple that would tell each other everything no matter what but obviously not.

So today I had a 'bright idea' of flirting with one of his friends when we all meet up this weekend. Just to fuck him off in all honesty.
I've always been loyal to my DH even when we were dating and his friends would give me lingering looks but I never fell for it.
I just want to give him a taste of his own medicine to show him what it feels like.

Beginning of this year he told me I can't be friends with his other group of friends cos one of his friends and I struck up a genuine friendship and he hated it. I never hid anything, told my DH everything we spoke about and it was all innocent but he nonetheless still didn't feel comfortable me talking to him so I cut ties with the friend which I was sad about.

So aibu in flirting outrageously with one of his friends this weekend?

Btw I haven't flirted with another guy in 30 years so will need help in this department!

So make moves to leave. You've already said that you're separated, so he can't really expect that you'll all continue to live under the same roof. Do you own the home together? Could either of you afford it on your own? Tell him you're initiating divorce proceedings and the house will need to be sold/or one of you will need to buy the other out.

You don't need his permission to leave. You need to start taking some responsibility for your own happiness and life, you aren't a passive passenger in it, it's YOURS so start figuring it out!

Yes well done op. You have done yourself a favour by not going and flirting. It would only have deepened the hole you are in. Focus on lifting yourself out of it: self care and a plan for what you want. Where do you see yourself in two years time ideally? Work backward to help guide your next steps.

@suspiciousqueen

Yes, it does feel shit and lonely in an unhappy marriage. Doubly so in an abusive one, be it physical or emotional abuse.

So the best thing to do is get out. Trying to live together 'separately' won't work with an abuser. They get too much joy out of your pain for you to live peaceably.

So, remember those friends? Please get in touch with them. You have nothing to lose by reaching out, and plenty to gain. Same for any family you've lost due to him.

And see a solicitor. It's easy to say "I cannot leave" when you haven't really explored the possibility. The same thing goes for him 'not letting you' take the DC if/when you go. Seeing a solicitor and finding out what divorce might mean to you and the 'whats and wherefores' about child residency is the only way you'll ever know if it's feasible. And I'd be willing to bet there is a way out for you with your DC. Maybe not an easy one or one that comes without a 'cost', but it will probably be worth it to be living in a home that's full of peace and calm.

So, just get yourself educated by a solicitor, that's your first step. Then think carefully about what they say and how you can make it work.