Making a move on DH's friend

[suspiciousqueen]

I posted previously on relationships board about my dh.

At the moment as it stands, I can't stand him, today I just lost it with him in front of the kids and then few mins later apologised to the kids and went for a walk to clear my head.
It's constantly on my mind of how he lied and hid stuff from me. I thought we were the kind of couple that would tell each other everything no matter what but obviously not.

So today I had a 'bright idea' of flirting with one of his friends when we all meet up this weekend. Just to fuck him off in all honesty.
I've always been loyal to my DH even when we were dating and his friends would give me lingering looks but I never fell for it.
I just want to give him a taste of his own medicine to show him what it feels like.

Beginning of this year he told me I can't be friends with his other group of friends cos one of his friends and I struck up a genuine friendship and he hated it. I never hid anything, told my DH everything we spoke about and it was all innocent but he nonetheless still didn't feel comfortable me talking to him so I cut ties with the friend which I was sad about.

So aibu in flirting outrageously with one of his friends this weekend?

Btw I haven't flirted with another guy in 30 years so will need help in this department!

As I used to say to my children when they were little and about to do something silly, "Is any good going to come from this?" Your primary problem is your husband and flirting with his friend is no solution. Incidentally, birds of a feather and all that means he is likely very similar to your husband.

I can't believe this is a serious suggestion OP.
Unbelievably childish.
If you and your DH can't sit down and discuss the state of your marriage and try and work things out then perhaps you should be thinking about separating. Not having blazing rows in front of the children or playing ridiculous mind games that involve other people.

Crikey a sandwich short here. Just leave like normal people do. Sounds like your desperate for drama!

You ditch your dh, then you can flirt with whoever you want. Call your old friends, you might be surprised.

I understand the want to be petty, I myself can be a petty bitch and have no shame in that, but…

Even from me- don’t.

It won’t go how you want it to. In reality, these are his friends, they’ll side with him over you. You’ll look desperate, the other guy will feel awkward and uncomfortable. And your husband gets to play the victim, which is exactly what he wants. He’s the one who fucked up but you’re going to provide evidence to all his friends that you’re the one in the wrong. It’s a perfect scenario for him.

Personally I’d give it a miss but encourage him to go and spend the evening gathering up all my important documents for someone to hold onto, for yourself and the kids, and working out the next steps. Getting proof of his income for CM. All that sort of stuff.

You have to leave him but you’re better leaving prepared and setting yourself up as best you can, than flirting badly with another guy.

Oh grow up. This isn't good for your children, yourself or the friend. Other people are not toys for you to play with to piss you husband off. You will not come out of this looking well.

@suspiciousqueen

Don't lower yourself to your DH's level. And don't drag an innocent friend into your shitstorm, whether you think he'd 'like it' or not. That makes you just as much a jerk as your DH.

But if you feel you must do something to 'get back' at him, then contact all those friends you've cut off, apologize to them and admit they were right about him. I'll bet they miss you and at least some of them will be more than happy to have you back in their lives. Then cherish those friendships and lean on their support to get the hell out of there. Because if you aren't happy, then you need to leave the marriage.

Don’t be weird. Your life isn’t a HBO production. Just leave him like a normal person.

This is really good advice. I'm so sorry this happened to you. He's the one who has already lost - you. It might feel better short term, but please keep your dignity. For you. You are worth more than, and better than that. Sending love xxx🌷

Your plan is absolutely pathetic @suspiciousqueen. Don’t embarrass yourself.

I know things aren't good and I know you're hurting. But I promise you that the flirting idea won't help in any way. All it will do is feed into the toxic cycle. Please don't give him another thing to hold against you. Leave him or at least look at marriage guidance counselling.

Are you 16? This is unbelievably childish why would a grown adult do this?

This is a terrible idea, but also (having read your other thread), I think you might do well to speak to a therapist.

What a horrible way to treat someone! Your version of "getting him back" involves using his friend in a very disturbing way.

Why would you get someone else involved in your relationship? How do you really think he'll feel about being used? And why would you sink their friendship?

I hope you aren't as selfish as this makes you look. Make a different choice!

Just don't, you will look pathetic and make a fool of yourself. People will think you are desperate. You will lose alot of respect as well from others.

I think it would be far more satisfying to start building your life again. Reach out to some of the old friends whom you’ve lost, especially the longstanding ones. Explain that the scales have fallen from your eyes, that you’re sorry for what happened, and would they like to meet up?

Don’t bother trying to make him jealous, start living your best life instead plus it’ll really piss him off when he sees that he’s surplus to requirements. 💐

So mess up some other guy for your entertainment???

No don't do that, leave instead

This all sounds immature and it’s concerning that you are seeking some form of revenge, rather than just moving on from a bad relationship. You surely see how none of this is good for your children?

Just because he is a dick, doesn’t mean you have to be too. And your children would do well to have at least one parent who was prioritising them, rather than playing games.

Have you ever heard the phrase ‘rise above it’. I think that’s what you need to do now, and just focus on being the best mum you can be.

I think you are playing a dangerous game as egos and tempers are going to be displayed if you carry this on. It’s childish, deal with your issues properly stop inciting drama. I would go as far saying “grow up”.

Have you had a drink already tonight to come up with this plan? (Genuine question).

do you really think your plan sounds good? What will come out of it that's positive?

I can see either your partner shouting at you, your partner shouting at your friend, your friend telling your partner you're flirting with them and embarrassing you, or a quick shag you'll regret 🤔

I can see you all having a massive argument, pissed up in London.

please rethink this idea! 💐

Don’t,

If you think this through, you will know that flirting with your DH's friend is going to cause more arguments in your house. Do you really need your kids to experience that? They deserve to grow up in a safe, calm environment.

Why don't you just separate and do what you like?

Why are you going out socialising with your DH if the relationship is over?

I can assure you that alcohol and anger is not a good mix and things will go very wrong the night you go out.

Stop playing games.

Sort your marriage out or move on from it, this silly game playing is childish, controlling and calculated. Revenge and punishment because you are angry is frankly not healthy. Can you move out for a bit, or can he? Some space might be helpful.