Making a move on DH's friend

[suspiciousqueen]

I posted previously on relationships board about my dh.

At the moment as it stands, I can't stand him, today I just lost it with him in front of the kids and then few mins later apologised to the kids and went for a walk to clear my head.
It's constantly on my mind of how he lied and hid stuff from me. I thought we were the kind of couple that would tell each other everything no matter what but obviously not.

So today I had a 'bright idea' of flirting with one of his friends when we all meet up this weekend. Just to fuck him off in all honesty.
I've always been loyal to my DH even when we were dating and his friends would give me lingering looks but I never fell for it.
I just want to give him a taste of his own medicine to show him what it feels like.

Beginning of this year he told me I can't be friends with his other group of friends cos one of his friends and I struck up a genuine friendship and he hated it. I never hid anything, told my DH everything we spoke about and it was all innocent but he nonetheless still didn't feel comfortable me talking to him so I cut ties with the friend which I was sad about.

So aibu in flirting outrageously with one of his friends this weekend?

Btw I haven't flirted with another guy in 30 years so will need help in this department!

@needsomewarmsunshine if you read @5128gap post you’ll see she is telling op not to do this.
she actually says she will look a fool. The friend isn’t interested in her and she will ruin the evening and to leave her husband and flirt with men all she wants once she is single.

Have another read of my post maybe?

There will be fallout, which will affect your children, and possibly the poor dolt you’ve picked on.

He will be embarrassed and uncomfortable too.

You will look like the twat, instead of your DH.

Please don’t.

Don’t do it. You’ll make yourself look desperate and become a laughing stock. And the other mates will possibly see I as Carte Blanche to all have a crack at you.

Deal with your relationship- by ending it probably, be single for a while to get your head in good place then think about dating - far away from your current world.

Playing stupid teenage tit for tat games will backfire spectacularly and you’ll end up looking like the absolute bad guy.

Reread your opening line maybe?

This - and consider your children and the atmosphere they have to live in. Take mature, positive action, instead.

By all means get a divorce, because your current situation is no way to live. But for the love of God do not entertain the flirting idea!

Best case scenario, the friends will pity you. Worst case, they'll laugh at you. Either way, you'll make yourself look like a drunk idiot and you'll die of embarrassment the morning after. No good will come out of this, everyone else on this thread has told you already. Please, for your own sake, listen.

Don't do this, you are going to embarrass yourself and also give him justification for being more of an idiot in future (he will be able to think "oh well she does it too").

Absolutely. Sounds like a 'how to' fuck up your children in a pathetic way!

You are not protecting your children, even slightly. Children have empathy and have not only picked up on hostility but will replay that in their heads and it will shape their future relationships. You are just scared of change and want to force him to leave. At the moment all he has to say to them is 'you remember how mum is with me, I can't take it any more', and so when be walks away they will despise you. I am being very blunt for a reason. You have a husband who wants to blame you because he wants to be the victim. If he does, he wins. Why do you care where he or you lives, he can keep the house, you need to protect your children.

Why would you drag an unsuspecting bloke into your drama. Do you not like him?
By all means haul your DH over the coals but leave innocent bystanders out of it.

There's nothing good to come out of prick teasing someone 🙄

Oh dear. Keep digging by all means.

Read their post again, carefully.

OP just stop, you are creating a toxic environment for your children. If you are thinking about ways to sabotage your relationship then it’s time to seriously consider leaving rather than making the situation harder than it needs to be.

Just be an adult and split up if you want to be able to do this kind of stuff - I have had 2 friends who's husbands have cheated and left or shown interest in other women and then left and it honestly just has pissed me off so much. They were friends and I would just have had so much more respect for them if they had ended their marriage kindly and then explored other things, rather than shit all over their families. As it is we are no longer friends and I just think they are such twats.

It's so pathetic.

It’s a very well written post that’s completely gone over your head. The first line will catch the OP’s eye in a big thread and the rest goes on to say (in a very articulate way) why it’s a bad idea, and gives further advice. Possibly the best reply here so maybe leave that poster alone?

Not much more to add. It is a terrible idea. It puts a friend in a very awkward position. If he knows you're splitting up then you can't realistically expect him to respond to this out of loyalty to your husband. And if he doesn't know then it just looks a bit bizarre and desperate, and gives your husband ammunition to shape the narrative into you being to blame for the split. Either way, the situation both on the evening itself, and in the aftermath, is likely to be extremely awkward and only leave you looking in the wrong - which, to be honest, you would be.

It's one of those ideas that is undoubtedly better played out in your head than reality. Just split up with your husband and if you want any power, then handle the situation calmly and with dignity.

Don't. All you will achieve is to confirm that your DH was right to keep you away from his friends. How will that help?

If you want affection then start to reconnect with the friends who your DH chased away. Keep away from your DH's friends - they are likely to turn out as toxic as he is.

Your relationship sounds completely toxic. Work on that or end it.

You've got kids but you're acting like. 16 yr old. Grow up

You are just going to look pathetic. He won't be bothered about you flirting. He clearly doesn't like you anyway. Just start divorce proceedings for goodness sake. You starting them will probably have more of an impact on him than you flirting with his mate.

If you're completely done with him why are you playing games by using other people just to wind him up? You're clearly not completely done.

Start divorce proceedings.

Tell your old friends you have done it, I would be surprised if they weren't really relieved and tried to support you.

Enjoy the evening, talk to the dude if it gives you a buzz but be careful and dignified.

No that's really stupid. If you're unhappy then leave him, and flirt all you want with other men. But don't be that trampy married person, flirting with others in front of their family. Have respect for yourself please. Look into seperating. Sit down together and talk about who's moving out, and access to the children.

I’ve just read your other post, no wonder he’s annoyed with you, keep harping on about things that happened in covid, which it appears were complete innocent anyway. You sound obsessed and slightly deranged.
You need to calm down, stop being so childish and act like a grown up, address the whole situation on an adult way and think of your children living in such a toxic atmosphere.