Making a move on DH's friend

[suspiciousqueen]

I posted previously on relationships board about my dh.

At the moment as it stands, I can't stand him, today I just lost it with him in front of the kids and then few mins later apologised to the kids and went for a walk to clear my head.
It's constantly on my mind of how he lied and hid stuff from me. I thought we were the kind of couple that would tell each other everything no matter what but obviously not.

So today I had a 'bright idea' of flirting with one of his friends when we all meet up this weekend. Just to fuck him off in all honesty.
I've always been loyal to my DH even when we were dating and his friends would give me lingering looks but I never fell for it.
I just want to give him a taste of his own medicine to show him what it feels like.

Beginning of this year he told me I can't be friends with his other group of friends cos one of his friends and I struck up a genuine friendship and he hated it. I never hid anything, told my DH everything we spoke about and it was all innocent but he nonetheless still didn't feel comfortable me talking to him so I cut ties with the friend which I was sad about.

So aibu in flirting outrageously with one of his friends this weekend?

Btw I haven't flirted with another guy in 30 years so will need help in this department!

You're gonna have to explain the previous because this is coming off as pathetic. How do you realistically expect that to play out?! Have some fucking dignity.

So @suspiciousqueen do you actually hate all men then? If you do, I genuinely hope that none of your children are boys.

It would be incredibly cruel of you to flirt with your husband's friend, especially as you believe he has a soft spot for you. Just because you have been terribly hurt does not give you the right to play with/torment another person, even if they are male.

Please find another way to get your revenge. IF you simply must have some sort of petty revenge, there are probably loads of classier ideas on the net that don't involve anyone but you and your partner. But I think a pp told you the absolutely best way to get your revenge, which is of course to seperate from your husband, and do everything in your power to make sure that you and your children live a happy and contented life from now on.

Good luck OP, I had the best four years of my life after my husband left me - I will let you guess what stopped that from continuing...

If you play stupid games, you’ll win stupid prizes.

You’ll feel good for 30 seconds, stupid for the rest of the time, and afraid of what the consequences will be after that. You’re literally planning to give your husband ammo to use against you for the rest of your marriage and divorce.

So you shout at your husband in front of your children and intend to use his friend as a weapon against him. There is no justification for any of this.

The person you are going to use to hurt your husband is a human being with feelings too, don't selfishly use him as a pawn in a very stupid game with your husband.

Have some respect for yourself and other people. If your marriage is beyond saving then get divorced and free yourself to flirt with whoever you like.

This is not the way grown ups solve problems or help themselves feel better.

It's very boring but flirting would just be a distraction. And likely when you are happy again you'll feel cringey and embarrassed about considering it - never mind doing it.

Even if you go ahead it'll likely just blow up in your face. Your partner has a track record of isolating and controlling you. If you don't leave he'll use this as something to hold over you for years.

Sorry it's so shit for you

Don’t, this is ridiculously immature retaliation. Sort the problem, don’t create more.

Just leave, please don’t make anymore casualties from this relationship. Your children will be affected by this negativity and you will be causing issues in your husbands friendship. Neither of you sound happy so why drag it out? Break free and give you both the chance for happiness, if not for yourself or for him but for the kids.

This sounds so toxic. If you can’t forgive whatever has happened there are other options. Marriage counselling or leave? It would be better for your kids to experience healthy relationships. I can’t imagine being so pissed off to try it on with his friend in front of others.

What's this going to achieve? You'd be much better using your energy into finding a good lawyer and leaving him

I agree with everyone, and especially the PP who advised you to contact the friends you ditched. they will likely be mmore understanding that you think.

If you re foolish enough and ego-driven enough to carry out your plan, he will 100 per cent use it against you as part of a smear capaign - and he's probably already started the smear campaign.

The very best thing you can do now that your marriage is over is to behave in such a way that no-one will believe the lies he tells. If you're out there copping off with his mate people will believe you capable of anything he decides to say about you.

your relationship is now affecting your children njegatively, so it is time to put your energies into your divorce, not crazy plots that are dommed to spectacularly backfire.

Rather keep your head held high and put your energy into how you will move forward without him.

I just feel like I've wasted my time being loyal to him for him to just go and ruin it.

you're not wasting you time doing the right thing.

You'd be dragging yourself down to his level, it's a really childish thing to do, but go ahead if you think it'll make you feel any better (newsflash; it really won't).

I bet they do. OP hasn’t answered this question yet.,

Grow up!

Honestly, this is exactly why divorce damages children. Because the parents become obsessed with damaging each other, getting one up on each other etc. and neither one really putting the kids first.

and to be honest, you will come away and after a few days feel like a right twat. Because people will centre your husband as the victim, you as a fool and the subject of gossip and pisstaking.

Hows that going to help? And even worse you could get the group of people laughing g right at you, acting like a fool at dinner.

According to your OP, plentry of his friends gave you 'lingering looks' (lucky you!!), so why not work yourself through all of them?
Your husband will realise that he is in danger of losing you to any number of 'friends who have previously given you a lingering look' after you've flirted with what, the 12th/45th of his friends?
What are you hoping to achieve @suspiciousqueen ? I ask because unless you know your end goal, you could end up looking like a prize tit, despite your husband being an apparent arsehole

You sound like a teenage girl. What a silly idea. And really dismaying you were happy to lose your friends for him.

grow up.

Absolutely don’t do this, this guy isn’t a toy you can pick up even though you don’t want it to annoy a friend. Leave him. Don’t play games. It will only make things worse

How utterly pathetic.

You have relationship problems and if you can't sort them out or split up then why would you start leading another man on?

Don't you care that the man you're flirting with might get hurt?

Your husband may even turn violent if he sees you flirting and could take it out on his friend as well as you.

Making attention seeking drama like this could end very badly.

Just split up if you've reached the point where you and him despise each other.

Your poor children having two parents that behave or want to behave so awfully.

How pathetic! You need to escape this toxic relationship not make things worse and potentially end up totally embarrassing yourself.

Gosh you've been given a right telling off here. Don't feel bad.

I see why you want to do it but that doesn't mean you should. If you do, do it so subtly that he can't say anything as he's not sure you did but has all the feelings.

Why are you still going on nights out with him?
Are you going to/able to leave?

Just grow up and end the relationship.

Honestly, this is exactly why divorce damages children. Because the parents become obsessed with damaging each other, getting one up on each other etc. and neither one really putting the kids first. grow up and end the relationship.

This.

Divorce in and of itself isn't damaging if the adults behave appropriately. Upsetting, yes, but children adjust to the new normal.

But this? This is truly dysfunctional and a very broken home.

You should stay together. You're clearly a good match. Utterly pathetic.