To not want friends to tell their DC that my DC is adopted

[Hellotoyouandyou]

My DC is adopted. They have always known this and know that this is their story to tell others or not. They have always chosen not to.

Close friends DC recently asked their parents personal questions about my DC and our family set up. Friends said they planned to sit their DC down and explain that my DC is adopted. I have asked them not to. I feel very protective of my DC and their right to privacy.

Friends are worried that their DC will find out later and be upset that their parents lied to them. They feel that this will break their trust. I suggested that they could just explain that all families are different and leave it at that. They are really not happy with this as their child is very inquisitive and curious and not likely to let things and will keep asking questions that they can’t answer. Both DC are 7.

AIBU to continue to ask them not to tell their DC that my DC is adopted?

thank you

They really don't. They should because their friend has asked them not to do so and if they were good friends they'd respect that but on reality they can tell their DC whatever they like and there is nothing OP can do to stop them.

Why don’t you tell your daughter her friend is asking questions and see want she wants to do? If she says she doesn’t want the friend to know then hopefully the parents will respect that but she may decide the time has come for her to tell her friend herself

Ps similar situation here. I used to tell people quite openly why my DC had only one parent but once my DC was older I decided, as you did, that it was my DC’s story to tell. I would have felt the same as you do about your friends. My child has, over the years, given several different accounts to various people depending on the situation, who was asking, mood at the time - sometimes it was the truth and others times complete bs such as the other parent was dead - I left it entirely to my child who fortunately appears to have come through it as a well balanced individual. I hope your child gets the chance to tell her story her way when she is ready and not be forced into it by your friends complete lack of understanding

Intelligent children do systemise, analyse, and ask questions to get the explanations they need. Even when really quite young.

You might not have noticed this but it doesn't make it untrue.

If they were friends they would respect OP wishes. It's none of their business.

@TeaOrCoffeeOrHotChocolate they haven't told them about it. The children have asked why the OP is a single Mum.

my neighbours 5 yo comes & chats to me, 'life' is just occurring to her. She suddenly feels very sorry because I don't have a husband.

🤣🤣🤣in an attempt not to make her jaded I just said I liked living by myself, then no one can tell me what time to go to bed.

she asks the funniest things! She's 5, how can you possibly be offended!

You are absolutely right it is none of their business and they absolutely have no right to share that information. Even you do not have the right to share this without your child's consent. It is for them to choose to share or not. Your supposed friends simply have to say they have no idea to their child. Our eldest son shared his adoption with (new) friend at new school as she is fostered, within a couple of weeks she told everyone else and it was used to taunt and tease. Unfortunately younger son as also adopted and the choice to reveal that (or not) was taken away from him.

Would you reveal your friends first sexual partner to your child if he/she really wanted to know? Of course not. Your friend is an insensitive short sighted f**g t*t.