To be worried about my “Tomboy” DD

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My 6 year old is constantly being asked if she’s a boy or a girl. She usually just refuses to reply at all, or she will say once that she’s a girl. Some children seem to ask repeatedly though. She’s beginning to get really annoyed about it. I’m not sure how to help her deal with it.
90% of her clothes are from the “boys section” in shops. She has long hair but refuses to tie it up unless she has to for sports activities. It’s probably her mannerisms that make children think she is a boy though, more than anything else.
I obviously don’t want to change her, but I wish I could stop children being so rude. I know I can’t affect the behaviour of other though. Any suggestions of what she could say when asked, that may stop the repeat questions would be great!

ah the Op said she would prefer her 6 year old daughter to wear clothes something that are “cut” for girls.

and i’m curious…. why?! 6 year olds bodies are pretty interchangeable and i see no difference in the “cut” of their clothing

All I meant was, I think they are cut differently, not that they need to be. Anyone looking for girly clothing (and I am not a fan) would find tighter fitting clothes, with fancier sleeves and possibly a slightly lower neck. My daughter wouldn't have worn any of them for love nor money.

yes i got that

but you’re not the OP

unless… you are?

If your son refused to wear anything he thinks is for boys and wanted to wear skirts, dresses and sparkly headbands, would you buy them for him?

Honestly no I wouldn’t. Well I would buy him some, but I’d insist he wore them at home only at his age. That’s because of the way society judges males who wear skirts and dresses etc.
I’d be worried about how he’d be treated. I think this is very different, but that’s about society generally. I think a boy would get a lot more people commenting. I think the comments would be a lot worse than asking if he was a boy or a girl.

I think t shirts are cut differently, slightly fitted often, jeans are a slimmer cut, shirts are shorter etc.

I would let her wear what she wants. This shouldn't be an issue. But I'd be totally hardline on the point that she is a girl and it's ridiculous to suggest anything else.

There is no right or wrong way to be a girl.

Just let her get in with it. Seems like she is happy being who she is. people are dim, tell her that!

Don’t try to change her or make her more ‘girly’ - it won’t work. Didn’t for me or anyone else I know who was a ‘tomboy’ as a kittle
kid. She may decide she likes dresses one day or she may never wear one out of choice.
For now, she’s wearing good practical clothes that she can be a
little
kid in.

I love this and I agree people are dim 😂
She is happy and she knows she’s a girl and that isn’t ever going to change. She doesn’t ever say she wants that to change, thank god.

I very quickly realised she wasn’t going to be a girly girl and I’m not, so it doesn’t bother me at all. I agree she’s in practical clothes and playing and running and having fun so that’s all that matters to me.

OP, my daughter was your 6 year old 3 years ago, except I dressed her in clothes from the girls’ section even though she’d have preferred a superhero / Pokémon T Shirt and shorts (she has never been too fussed about clothes so happily wore what I’d bought). She’s had kids question her sex, but mainly because she for a few years was going around telling them she was a boy.

It’s great that you are letting her be who she wants to be and she is confident in that. Unfortunately kids will question and say things, either because they are intrigued and have no filter or are just mean. In my view it doesn’t hurt to try to help her ‘fit in’ with the girls a bit more looks wise. My DD aged 9 is finding some of the boys are being not so nice to her and she’s needing to be more friendly with the girls. I think they are threatened by the fact she’s a better footballer than them.

La Redoute and Verbaudet are French brands that sell inexpensive more sporty clothes for girls. DD would live in football kit if she could but likes the La Redoute / Verbaudet T-shirts and jeans / denim shorts for parties etc.

it will get easier as she gets older. More girls will start playing sports and opportunities to play in girls’ teams will open up. My DD has started accepting she is a girl in the last year due to meeting likeminded girls playing for girls’ teams and now prefers playing in these teams than the boys teams she has always, and still, plays for. it may be then she realise she has things in common with girls and will naturally want to look and act a bit more like them.

My daughter's friend loves football and fast cars and favourite colour is orange. I do worry for what people might say when she's older with all this trans confusion about. My daughter is turning into a feisty feminist, at 8 she corrected the shoe fitter when she tried to refer to a pair of socks as 'boy's socks' and is clear there's no such thing as boys/girls clothes/hair styles/toys, just things boys/girls typically like. I hope the stereotype of what a girl or boy can be or like gets more and more broken.

I agree with everything you have said, but my concern would be about all the trans ideology that's around, especially in schools. Your daughter could easily become prey for activists.

I do worry a bit about that as well, but as I mentioned earlier we live in a very small town in a very rural county, so I think we’re safer in that regard than lots of other areas. I’ll definitely be making sure she knows exactly how daft all those ideas are, that your hobbies or clothes have anything to do with your gender, and that people can’t change their sex, ever.

Thanks, that’s reassuring and I’ll have a look at those sites.

Your 6 year old girl is exactly the same as millions of other 6 year old girls, the world over.

Any suggestions of what she could say when asked, that may stop the repeat questions would be great!

"I'm a girl".

Repeat or ignore, just like I did at her age when I very definitely looked like a boy, even though I wasn't as fussy about clothes 🤷‍♂️

She’s gone to football camp today and was asked there last week if she was a boy or girl. So this morning she decided to wear a pink tshirt, her only pink tshirt. She said she thinks they won’t ask if she’s wearing pink. So it was obviously on her mind.

Friends DD is often mistaken for a boy. Doesn’t bother her at all, but she does think people are a bit daft. Why does anyone care, that’s my question.
For years her dad tried to get her to dress like a ‘girl’ to the point where the mum asked me to talk to him about it.
Then she wanted her hair the dad was stopping her! Again I spoke to him about it, she now has a short hair cut that really suits her and she loves.
He was worried people would pick on her, or that she was too ‘boyish’. So I told him, you want to help her? Then support her, tell her it’s not a big deal how she dresses, and help her become resilient- she’s not going to change.
She’s now 13 and has not changed one iota. Exactly as she was when she was a toddler, young child, and she’s happy as can be with her look, her choices.

That's just not true. I have two DDs and it's very easy to avoid sparkles, unicorns and crop tops while still buying from the girls section.