To be worried about my “Tomboy” DD

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My 6 year old is constantly being asked if she’s a boy or a girl. She usually just refuses to reply at all, or she will say once that she’s a girl. Some children seem to ask repeatedly though. She’s beginning to get really annoyed about it. I’m not sure how to help her deal with it.
90% of her clothes are from the “boys section” in shops. She has long hair but refuses to tie it up unless she has to for sports activities. It’s probably her mannerisms that make children think she is a boy though, more than anything else.
I obviously don’t want to change her, but I wish I could stop children being so rude. I know I can’t affect the behaviour of other though. Any suggestions of what she could say when asked, that may stop the repeat questions would be great!

Even with something like shorts, those marketed for girls will usually be shorter and tighter than shorts intended for boys the same age. It's not surprising that some girls feel more comfortable in clothes from the boys' section.

When I worked in Early Years I dealt with children asking questions about what they saw as clothing for the wrong sex by explaining that anyone could wear [a pink top, Batman socks, whatever it was] if they liked it, whether they were a boy or girl. That maybe they liked the color or the characters or show etc.

I think your daughter isn't doing badly by telling other children once and ignoring the repeated questioning! It's hard to say how else she could respond without knowing why specifically they're thinking she's a boy, but telling her to say that girls can wear/do/like whatever it is too might help.

This is really odd. My DD is 9, she's usually in 'boys' clothes and does 'boys' activities, she also has long hair which is usually down. She's never been asked if she's a boy or girl let alone repeatedly. The issue is other people trying to enforce gender norms on your daughter. Leave her be and let her grow to find what she likes and how she fits in in the world.

So to answer some questions, by mannerisms I mean the way she walks and talks (about football mainly). She has an older brother who she worships but strangely doesn’t get the football love from (he isn’t interested in football at all). She does wear some of his old clothes but I also bought her lots of “girls clothes” when she was younger, I stopped about 12 months ago when I started to let her choose them all herself, because she was refusing to wear anything that could be considered girls clothes, so leggings, even joggers cut for girls.
I don’t ever use the term Tomboy in front of her unfortunately that’s come from Grandparents and she’s taken it up. I do discourage it and have asked them not to use it. I tell her all the time clothes are just clothes, as are toys, and games and she can wear what she wants, as long as it’s clean and warm/cool enough etc.
She will confidently tell people she doesn’t play with girls because they play games about unicorns and she likes football and dinosaurs. I think possibly children ask repeatedly because she won’t answer, or if she does they can see she’s uncomfortable with their question and they find it funny perhaps.

No other kid has ever commented . She looks like a girl. But is old enough now to have her own sense of style. I don't care if she wants clothes from the boys section, it makes no difference to me. Before you attack me for blurring gender norms I also have an older daughter who is very much a girly girl and wouldn't ever choose something from the boys section. But they are individual people and are treat as such.

Its up to the parents of boys if they dress in unicorn tops and pretty llamas, I personally see nothing wrong with it.

I mean the way she walks and talks (about football mainly).

oh come on op

she is 6

Most of us on mumsnet have parented 6 year olds or are doing so. We know this is BS

I don’t wear dresses or skirts or heals etc and never have. I have short hair, rarely wear make up, so some of it maybe has come from me. I very rarely bought her anything pink (which family complained about regularly 🙄). I did generally buy her clothes in the “girls” section though, until she started to refuse to wear anything she hadn’t chosen. So mostly she wears a football shirt and joggers or shorts with trainers now.

What mannerisms in terms of walking and talking. She's 6?

Sorry I find this hilarious, maybe I’m not explaining myself very well. I can’t video her of course. She swaggers along, no exaggeration!

Just let her be her lovely non conforming self. A lot of non conforming kids just turn out to gay. So all ok.

My ADHD ASD DD is non conforming, always wore clothes from the boys section as they are more comfortable.

I am so bored of stereotypes and people thinking clothes = "gender"

Like a teenager who thinks they’re cool I guess. She’s definitely a character.

She will confidently tell people she doesn’t play with girls because they play games about unicorns and she likes football and dinosaurs. tackle this then. There's a book called my shadow is pink. Your daughter's views are part of the "problem"

That doesn't make her "boy"

and that is how you think 6 year old boys walk

this is so fucking weird OP

of you that is

My similar aged son’s hobbies are dancing, singing and gymnastics. He loves bright clothing, animal prints and glittery trainers.

Other kids sometimes say ‘your clothes/shoes are for girls’ or ‘dancing isn’t for boys’ but we have talked often about how colours and activities are for everyone and if people don’t understand that, that’s sad for them.

He’s fine with it and I don’t want him to change himself because of what other people think. Life is long!

Yeah no 6 year old boy has swag

My DD is similar- she is 6 and wears boys clothes or the more masculine girls clothes (cargo pants, plain black t). She also wears boys board shorts when swimming. She has been mistaken for a boy a few times as she has a short bob and does look like a boy from behind if you're being stereotypical. She is proud to be a girl and I've taught her to say 'Im a girl actually my name is X' with a smile.

Does she spend hours on Youtube or watch trashy american tv shows?

I absolutely am trying to let her grow to find what she likes. Hence agreeing to let her choose her own clothes and hobbies etc. I can’t stop children asking her questions. I posted because she’s had some sessions at a football camp this week and came home upset that 2 of the boys were asking repeatedly if she’s a boy or girl. This happened when she started a new school and happens at the park sometimes. The last 2 times it happened at the park, was when she’d asked boys she didn’t know if she could play football with them. I answered for her because she didn’t answer them and looked annoyed and I was close by. They didn’t ask again when I said she’s a girl and told them her name.

No, but some teenage boys do!

If it's other children asking it's not rude, it's curiosity. A child in boys clothes would probably be identified as a boy. The kids are confused that is all

The kids aren't rude, they are just being kids! If they are not sure if she's a boy or girl, they'll ask 🤷‍♀️

What did you expect from others if even you say she's a "tomboy" ?

If she’s into football have you considered getting her in to a local team? My friends daughter is 9 and has played for a few years and now has some lovely friends all also football mad and determined to become lionesses :) Maybe help her find her tribe?

She sounds just like my DD, but as far as I know my DD hasn't been asked if she is a boy or girl, so I do wonder why your DD is being asked.

We buy lots of DDs clothes from the boys section, it's what appeals to her, she likes thick warm joggers and long length shorts with big pockets in blues, blacks and greys, she prefers dinosaurs, Pokémon and space to unicorns and rainbows

It's rude for them to repeatedly ask

oh they haven’t

op blatantly exaggerating