To be worried about my “Tomboy” DD

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My 6 year old is constantly being asked if she’s a boy or a girl. She usually just refuses to reply at all, or she will say once that she’s a girl. Some children seem to ask repeatedly though. She’s beginning to get really annoyed about it. I’m not sure how to help her deal with it.
90% of her clothes are from the “boys section” in shops. She has long hair but refuses to tie it up unless she has to for sports activities. It’s probably her mannerisms that make children think she is a boy though, more than anything else.
I obviously don’t want to change her, but I wish I could stop children being so rude. I know I can’t affect the behaviour of other though. Any suggestions of what she could say when asked, that may stop the repeat questions would be great!

Get her in the local girls football team.

And tell the silly family members to stop with their stupid sexist remarks.

Good job you don't have a boy who likes pink.... how would they cope !

She doesn’t complain when adults call her a boy, I’m not sure why, maybe because they don’t ask her if you see what I mean, just refer to her as he or say good boy or whatever.

Just get her to reply that she is a girl, that boys and girls are allowed to like lots of different things and wear lots of different clothes and that they should stop asking rude questions.

DD1 was asked if she was a boy at school when she was in reception and Y1. She had her hair in a bob (as she hated it being brushed, it was much easier a bit shorter) and sometimes wore shorts in summer instead of a dress.

indeed

but this is a 6 year old with long hair falling all around her face as she never ties it back

She doesn’t swagger op

and you know it

She could just say "I'm [name]" and if she wants to "I'm a girl". If she doesn't want to, repeat phrase 1.

To be fair, there was a boy at my son's sports day with long hair and I i initially thought he was a girl.

Never had this for my boyish girl but plenty of adults assumed my boys was girls when they had long hair. My son had a "Dude" tshirt on to.

My dd wears her brothers clothes on occasion and has never been mistaken for a boy.

Kids says lots of things some designed to hurt. Are they strangers? If not they are choosing to wind her up

Fuck right off! Over my dead body will anyone be telling her she needs to change sex! She’s a girl, whatever she chooses to wear or play or whatever career she chooses. I’m just upset that she was upset, again, today about being asked.

I think OP is just trying to describe how her daughter behaves, no claiming she has the most swag!

Ah OP, I have the opposite - a 6yo boy who has long blond hair and loves pink etc, he's often asked if he is a girl. He doesn't seem to take it to heart though, just says he is a boy.

I expect they're asking your daughter because she is being outgoing and asking to play, and talking about football. Ridiculous as it is, people still definitely separate the interests of small children into "boys things" and "girls things" from birth! (And then claim it's just nature that their 11yo girl is a frilly princess and their boy is a camo-wearing footballer!)

Not helpful to your daughter but know that it's them not her!!

i will now out

but my spider senses tell me you’d be quite excited if you daughter wanted to change sex because of all the attention you’d receive

I agree I haven’t explained very well in hindsight. She walks like she thinks she’s a grumpy 15 year old and uses language she hears from watching football dramas for 10 year olds on CBBC. I agree 6 year old boys are unlikely to do the same!

what language?! she talks about football? my daughter is a MASSIVE football fan.

You are aware women’s football is kind of a big deal now

if she walks like a grumpy 15 year old and she’s only 6

then she more likely looks like an overgrown toddler about to have a tantrum than a boy

She will confidently tell people she doesn’t play with girls because they play games about unicorns and she likes football and dinosaurs.

Isn't that part of the problem, though? Where has that attitude come from?

Ah I took OP's words at face value

Happy to hear suggestions. I have tried, but she’s adamant that the girls in her class play games she doesn’t want to play. She wants to play football or superhero’s, so plays with the boys.

Yeah that needs sorting out

That's slightly different to what you said originally. The girls in her class like unicorns and the boys in her class like dinosaurs. Apart from your girl who likes dinosaurs.

You probably aren’t going to want my opinion but you’ve posted so I’ll give it.

it sounds like you were buying her boys clothes long before she decided that’s what she wanted

Theres nothing wrong with being a tomboy but trust me as someone that grew up the same. Her life will be difficult. Her relationship with female friends will be difficult and her male friends will drift off as incoming wives don’t want her around.

You need to make time to ensure some of her life is spent doing what normal girls do. Gym and horse riding are great physical sports for girls that don’t like tutus and ballet slippers

I hate the gendered crap, and your daughter sounds like a legend - I hope she and her friends do become lionesses!

But its a bit disingenuous to claim that the vast majority of people don't still assume football is for boys and that all little boys love football. Wasn't it just a few short weeks ago the media was full of "will England take their first title in xx years?". Despite the Lionesses recent success

Of course it doesn’t, she’s a girl! That’s my best guess as to why other children ask her if she’s a boy though. Maybe it’s just that she’s nearly always the only girl playing football with them. Although adults often think she’s a boy but I think that’s maybe the football tops and baseball caps.

So you feel she's conforming to a black & white version of gender identity, putting girls in a pink sparkly demure box and boys in a fun, assertive sporty box?

Perhaps introduce some positive female role models into her life somehow, that don't conform to gender stereotypes.

Oh you think ballet isn't physically demanding? 😂

Normal girls play football, are into cars and trains and dinosaurs maybe also dancing and wearing pink and glittery things and My Little Ponies. It's all entirely normal and unremarkable. I know because I was that girl now grown up. I've never had trouble making female friends!

My daughter's school was teaching that anyone not 'presenting' or feeling like the gender stereotype for their sex was 'trans'.

Hence my otherwise individual, not particularly pink-liking, non-'girly' daughter declared herself as trans.

We had a talk about it and she is now gender critical entirely.

You need to make time to ensure some of her life is spent doing what normal girls do

This is bullcrap. OP's daughter is not abnormal.