To be worried about my “Tomboy” DD

[SendMeHomeNow]

My 6 year old is constantly being asked if she’s a boy or a girl. She usually just refuses to reply at all, or she will say once that she’s a girl. Some children seem to ask repeatedly though. She’s beginning to get really annoyed about it. I’m not sure how to help her deal with it.
90% of her clothes are from the “boys section” in shops. She has long hair but refuses to tie it up unless she has to for sports activities. It’s probably her mannerisms that make children think she is a boy though, more than anything else.
I obviously don’t want to change her, but I wish I could stop children being so rude. I know I can’t affect the behaviour of other though. Any suggestions of what she could say when asked, that may stop the repeat questions would be great!

Haha, good one.

Rows and rows of flimsy, skimpy pink unicorn shit usually.

But OP does need to be careful that her DD isn't somehow internalising misogynistic views of women and girls.

A 'pretty hairstyle' is not the solution though, is it? Come on..

This is so sad that people think like this. There is no way I’m going to argue with her every day about what clothes she wears or forcing her to have her hair in a “pretty style”.
I just want to give her the confidence to deal with people asking her.

But isn't this the problem? Teaching children to confirm to stereotypes just perpetuates them. Not to mention the dubious message of changing yourself to avoid any notice - where does that end!

I'd rather teach my children what I believe - which is that it doesn't matter if they are a boy or a girl, the entire range of interests and clothes are open to them.

Thank god you're not her parent then.

I absolutely disagree. I think telling kids pretty hair and nice dresses makes you a girl has led to the trans issue. What happens then to a boy who wants pretty hair or a girl who likes football?

How is it not appropriate? If it’s ok for a boy to wear why not a girl? She wears a swimming costume in the pool, under sufferance, she certainly doesn’t rule the roost. I just think she should be able to wear what she chooses at her age, as long as it’s clean, sensible etc. I make her wear something smarter if we’re going out for a meal or something, no football shirts etc. That’s the same for my son though, no joggers if we’re going somewhere like that.

I'm hoping I'm right that this one's on a wind-up so...

I’ve said I didn’t explain myself very well. I actually like the alien suggestion.

Because she refuses to wear anything she thinks is for girls, god knows why! Even girls joggers because they have a tiny sparky badge on. I just gave up because she gets upset. I’m not going to force her to wear stuff she hates at her age and therefore it’s a total waste of money to buy the stuff she won’t wear.

Ouch! Lucky for my children they're mine, I guess.

But I do genuinely want to understand - what exactly would you be ashamed of? They themselves are not confused about their sex, is it that people mistake them for the opposite sex?

Detrimental in what way? There’s always going to be people who are annoying in her life. She has to learn how to deal with it. Not by changing who she is to please others! She’s amazing just as she is thanks.

This is the balance isn’t it. She sees some family members doing typically make roles at times. She watches the lionesses.

That's it. It's about learning to genuinely accept people as they are, not scoffing at 'girl things'.

However she's only 6 and gender stereotypes are a huge deal. This is probably the only way she can think of to be herself.

Why? Genuine question. She has to tie it up if it’s a PE day at school or for football etc. Other than that why shouldn’t she be allowed to wear it down? Clothes are just clothes, she’s covered and clean and warm, so what’s the issue?

😂😂😂

I think it's more a sign of the times, I grew up with 3 brothers and as a single parent family I often got my older brothers hand-me-downs.
On the occasion I got something new for myself it was often boys style clothes so that they could be handed down to my younger brothers.
To be fair, on the odd occasion I was bought traditional girls clothes I wasn't that impressed as I was very much into climbing trees and kicking a ball around as that was what we did as kids, girls and boys.
I'm now mid 40's and work in a very very male dominated field but love getting dressed up every now and then but am glad I am also completely comfortable in simple jeans and t-shirts.
Your daughter is still so young and kids at that age will always ask questions if they think something is a little "different" from the ideals their parents have taught them.
For now I'd just tell her to tell them once she is a girl and any further questions should be met with a why, what difference does it make.
As she gets older she will find her own path in life which will then determine how she answers those sorts of questions if they continue.
As the parent you can only help her decide on a response that she is comfortable with rather than trying to stop the questions altogether.

@MinniesCountdown "No, the problem is that these days kids don’t know whether they are a boy or a girl.

We need to be bringing back traditional gender roles. Boys should be dressing and acting like boys and girls should be dressing and acting like girls.

All this wokist shit has led to the collapse of society and the mentally challenged trans kids.

Parents like OP are the problem. Bringing up confused kids with no resilience."

Well this I just pure, unadulterated bullshit!

My daughter wears 'boys' joggers because she noticed that girls ones are thinner, less soft fabric, have crap pockets and are more expensive. She wears 'boys' T-shirts because they cover her belly, are in colours she likes, with designs she likes and don't have scratchy embellishments on them.

I'm not forcing her into a dress and less practical, more sexualised 'girly' clothes with slogans about being kind and looking pretty because society says that's what she should look dress in.

She knows she's a girl, she's happy being a girl and at 10years old she apparently has more sense than you because she knows that clothes don't make you a boy or a girl.