To think it’s unusual to have a below average child if…

[Kegas]

Their parents are high achievers? I know I shouldn’t feel disappointed but I do. Me and DH are very high achievers. From school and now well into our careers. I sort of assumed our child would be even better than that, but they’re very much not. AIBU to have expected differently?

How old is your DC? And what criteria are you using to determine whether they are a high achiever or not?

How old are they?

@Comedycook 6. Just below average at school and in sports, with reading etc it’s all pretty normal and nothing exceptional. DH moved up a year when he was 7.

Doesn't that say more about your parenting than your child's abilities?

6!

Give your head a wobble for Christ's sake.

DH and I are high achievers. DC has severe learning difficulties. It happens. I am not disappointed in my child. It's non of their fault and they have other qualities. I feel sorry for your DC, you seem to value them based on their academic success. Really a horrible thing to do as a parent.

They are 6!!! Come back when they are 16..

6? Jeez

I don't think you are being unreasonable to be disappointed but I do think you are being unreasonable to have expected it.
Solidarity, am in the same situation and it can make it hard to know how best to support them because their likely life pathway is likely to be very different to mine :(

Neurodiversity is a contributing factor with my child - have you considered that?

@TomatoSandwiches yes I suppose it could be.

@Goslingsforlife I’m not disappointed IN THEM. I guess just in the circumstances? Obviously love them dearly.

6?! Christ, OP. Chill out.

@CassieMaddox thanks. No hadnt considered that actually. Thank you.

Your poor child. Must be so hard to grow up knowing that you are a disappointment to your parents.

Does your child excel in other areas eg more creative rather than academic? Arts/music/drama etc?

At 6 it is a bit early to say but this can be an indication of a learning disability (eg dyslexia) or neurodiversity (ADHD/autism). Have a look at the wider picture and consider reasons either for your high achievement or your child's seeming "average" ability.

It would be unusual for two high IQ adults have a child with a below average IQ unless there is something else going on.

Maybe he's going to be very emotionally intelligent or great with models and tools or a fantastic musician or a brilliant chef or an actor or... You can achieve highly in lots of ways that aren't academic or sporting.

(DH and I)

They don't tend to move kids up now. Try not to compare. (Edited to add - unless you are blessed with total recall and can remember exactly how you functioned at the age of 6).

well thats the thing about kids I suppose. we have a vision in our heads about how they will turn out and they rarely do. whether thats 2 beautiful models having an average looking child or the case you are describing thats just it. your job as parent is to give them the opportunity to be the best that they can. so encouraging their hobbies and interests which again are probably going to be very different from their parents ones. Dont get a label attached to your child just because they arent as bright as you. its easy to fall into that trap so just dont.

Sorry you're feeling this way, OP. I think it's probably a little bit unusual, but your DC is still so young that they might end up being a high achiever when they're older. And if not, then that's okay. School achievement is only a tiny measure of success.

They might be really emotionally intelligent, or an amazing chef, or just be the funniest, loveliest person.

You could have a high achiever who's also a bully. There are far more important things than doing well in school.

Mine is older but at 6/7 I started to notice they were falling behind. Were above expectations in reception, then just fell further and further behind. It took a longer for school to realise there was an issue than me.

I'd say spellings was where I really noticed it as no matter how much my child practiced or how much work we put in, they just couldn't retain the information.

It's really difficult when they are 6 or 7 as school just say read with them more and do more spelling, which is just frustrating for ND children like mine as it doesn't work!

The other sad thing with my child is they were clever enough to compare their performance with their peers and started saying they were stupid 😔

what a stupid post to bring ASD/ADHD into the picture on the basis of an 'average' achiever. So much ignorance.

Yes, YABU, and also, your grammar needs attention. It's "DH and I", not "Me and DH", for starters.

You've written off your six year old child. Six!

Horrible.

As a therapist I can tell you little stops children doing well more than their parents communicating actively or passively that they arent good enough. Many parents dont even realize they're doing it. Keep that in mind as you judge your 6 year old for not meeting your arbitrary standards.