To think it’s unusual to have a below average child if…

[Kegas]

Their parents are high achievers? I know I shouldn’t feel disappointed but I do. Me and DH are very high achievers. From school and now well into our careers. I sort of assumed our child would be even better than that, but they’re very much not. AIBU to have expected differently?

I think genetics have a lot to do with it. I'm more like my dad academically, but very different from my mum, both academically and physically. Eg. She has olive skin that tans easily, whereas me and my dad have my Scottish grandmother's pale non tanning skin.
My dc are academically like my late dh, but not like me.

@mathanxiety i haven’t written them off? I am allowed to express my expectations, I love them regardless.

What's a "below average" child?
Some people learn easily over a wide variety of subjects and also excel in sports, art and music but most people have strengths and weaknesses and find some things come to them easily and struggle with other things..
Some people find everything challenging and need extra support.
Some people are academic but struggle socially.
Some people have great interpersonal skills but find maths etc very difficult.
Life isn't all about competition, it's about doing our best for the real, complex child we have.

There's also something called "regression to the mean", so generations don't get more and more academically able.

I'd be more bothered about my child behaving well and trying their best, rather than naturally achieving highly. I'm a high achiever but not through being 'bright' as such, but being very hard working and wanting to do well for myself. I'd want the same for my daughter.

Hopefully your brilliant careers will pay for this poor child's future therapy bills.

Me and DH - very high achievers?

OK

My DS was a low a low achiever at primary school. Couldn't read or spell well into the juniors. By year 6 he picked up and now he's top sets in year 9.

Don't write him off.

6 is nothing.

I did much better at secondary -dyslexia diagnosed at 20 at uni - all my did everything - walking talking - but really struggled at school - needed a lot of support which was mostly home support. Eldest just finished first year at Uni and DS - who was told would never "get maths" did really well GCSE and is taking maths heavy A-levels.

I'd focus on effort not results - and see if there are areas you can help with at home - honestly 6 is no age at all to judge how they'll end up doing a decade later.

Not all high achievers or deeply intelligent people do well at school.

And 6 is a bit early to decide that he won't in any case.

my daughter struggled with reading till year 2 and then she flew. Left primary with a reading age of 16.

I'd have been surprised if DS were below average, with two highly-educated, clever, highly-motivated parents who are interested in him and involved in his education, but what I have seen in friends who, like us, are from the bottom of the WC but got out via education, and who have older children, is them being frustrated by their children's lack of hunger or urgency.

That I do think is unsurprising, though. We worked hard and didn't spare ourselves because we saw how difficult our parents' lives were (physically-demanding, low-paid jobs don't go well with ageing and illness), and we knew education and achievement was our way out of poverty. And because we pulled it off to a greater or lesser extent, our children have had easier childhoods, and know there is a safety net.

Is your child happy and healthy? Do they feel safe and loved? Because those are the most important things for a 6 year old.
You say your not disappointed but the fact that you are even thinking in this way (about a 6 year old!) reveals a lot about the value you place on so-called 'intelligence'. This will rub off on your DC even if you don't think it will.

6 is far too early for this op, their entire future is ahead of them. What kind of parents are you? At this stage the most important thing is constant support of your child. Believe they can do more, don’t relegate them to the bottom of the class. Do you read with them every night, do you play maths games and questions with them? Do you play any games with them? What sports do they do and how do you encourage that? (Obviously I think 6 year olds should have lots of free time). My bright 9yo wasn’t really reading at 6, things just clicked later. We kept going with reading and supporting his learning. Now he’s doing well at everything.

Children can be late developers and there's something to be said for a low pressure childhood, which avoids burnout. I was also a high achiever in school and objectively I didn't think my son was. Things completely turned around when he was in University, he went on to do a medical degree and qualified as a doctor,he came top of his year when he found something he loved doing, it proved me completely wrong, his work ethic is incredible.

6!!!! I have no words.

WTF have I just read? Disappointed that a 6 year old isn't a high achiever, give your head a wobble, poor kid.

Ew

6 is so little! Is he motivated to succeed academically or more interested in play still? FWIW both my older children got identical gcse results to myself and each other, even though I’d done my very best to give them more opportunities than I’d had. They did marginally better than me at A level and are now on more prestigious degree programmes.

This is your issue and our educational system's issue, not your child's issue.

At 6, your child's job is to play, not to excel. They're not a performing seal.

Very worrying that you’re feeling disappointed and expecting more from a 6 year old child. I worry what pressure this kids going to have put on them when they grow up

Accept your child for who they are and stop expecting them to be a mini you.

Regression to the mean, if you are very bright your children will likely be slightly less so, and the other way round. But also big anomalies brilliant children are quite often born to average parents. None of it is an exact science.

But your child is still very young some children are slow starters and catch up quickly (a bit like growth spurts). If reading and writing are behind check for dyslexia, also check eyesight and hearing, slight problems can hinder learning.

What are you basing this all on op? Has the school said they are behind? Is it possible they are doing fine and you have an inflated vision of feet you and your husband might have been like at that age? Also what is your child birthday? Are they old/young for their year? There's so many variables to their success v yours and your husbands e.g class size, parental support, age, etc. I hope you aren't being vocal about your disappointment I'm their perceived level

Tbh I’m a little worried about your child growing up in a home with such high expectations. That kind of pressure can be very damaging. And if they sense your disappointment it will do enormous emotional damage.

Academics and sports are fine and dandy, but are no real indicator of who a person is. I’ve met some decidedly average people who always aced their school exams, and some truly brilliant people who struggled academically but discovered other talents later in life that really took them places.

It’s very worrying that you’re assessing your child in such a way at such a young age.