To think it’s unusual to have a below average child if…

[Kegas]

Their parents are high achievers? I know I shouldn’t feel disappointed but I do. Me and DH are very high achievers. From school and now well into our careers. I sort of assumed our child would be even better than that, but they’re very much not. AIBU to have expected differently?

I suppose it is possible because neither me nor the father of my children are clever, and both of my children are clever and both are high achievers.

I thought you were going to say he was 16. 6 FGS! Are you joking?

I feel bad for him if you're already disappointed. You can call it disappointed in the "curcumstances" but you're just trying to make yourself sound better. It's not "circumstances" you're disappointed in, its him and that's sad. Whether he knows it or not.

I actually really don't know what else to say. I'm disappointed in you.

You muppet.
Attainment at six is no indicator of future success.
Being written off by your parents- big predictor of future failure.

@Kegas

My two are very bright ( much brighter than me) but they don't have my work ethic. They also have problems that come alongside being very intelligent. I think I'm the happiest of the three of us!

Also I think it's totally fine to express your feelings here. Surely this should be a safe space to talk about things.

To also add, my eldest struggled until they were around 7 so we asked school for help to give her confidence and then all of a sudden things clicked and she moved to the top of the class and has remained there right into grammar. My youngest is very intelligent but lazy, I'm not sure if he will progress at her rate but I'll only be disappointed if he doesn't try and so I encourage him as best I can . I do get why you might be a bit disappointed but it's still early days

It's not about loving them anyway. You shouldn't have expectations about what your kids will achieve, who they will be etc. you do not own them, they are not an extension of you. Just raise your child for who they are forget any preconceived ideas you have about who they should be.

Yes you are being VVV unreasonable. Many 'high achievers' are totally goal-driven and may force their kids to be like them, prep school, private secondary, tutors, huge A-level pressures, steering to apply for prestigious universities, etcv etc, etc. Ambitious parent syndrome. The kid can get burned out, may lack confidence, feel that the parents only value them if they get great grades, and so on. The kid may detect this more or less clearly and dig their heels in from about age 12 or 13, and slack right off at school. How do I know? I was one. Got my honours degree aged 30. Don't see my parents much.

I didn't have expectations for my kids- I had hopes, mostly that they'd be healthy and happy.

Serious question and I’ve that everyone will hate. But has your child been infected more than once with Covid?

My thoughts exactly. Some of the most intelligent high achieving individuals have ASD or ADHD and the world would be a very different place without them. But unfortunately there are many on MN who are so ableist they jump to ND to explain any delay, behavioural issue or social faux pas.

On paper I’m a high achieving genius. Very clever father of our children. All 5 totally normal - 3 with autism, but standard educationally.

It wouldn’t have occurred to me to expect anything different. High achieving and clever is different, but still standard. It’s all still relative.

YABU to be disappointed.

The UK is bonkers why are children being assessed like this at 6!!

Perhaps your DC is a ''late developer'' - I had one of those and he never got good grades but he does now have 3 degrees, is head of his dept and earns £300,000 - never put you child down.

Nothing about the OP's post suggests there is anything wrong with her child either mentally or physically. It sounds like they are simply an average child when she wanted an 'above average child' - whatever that might mean.

6 is to young to tell. DD was slow to learn to read didn't really pick it up till the end of year 1, struggle with spelling at primary as well. Didn't fully learn to swim until she was 7or8.

She has a fantastic attitude to her work, managed to get her GCSE computer science without having a teacher for most of the course. Got really good marks several 8's and 7' nothing less then a 6 is studying 4 A-level's and swims in the local swim club.

Age six is way to young to tell how well they are going to do, you have to believe in them and support them. Help them fine what they mite be interested in.

And suggesting average academic performance indicating a learning disability 😵‍💫
Wtf?

OP, ignore those chastising you for feeling a bit bad that your child is not finding academics as easy as you did. Of course your child is not you, and they will have their own gifts and struggles. For now, give lots of support in short bursts - reading together for a short time every day to support phonics learning and help with addition and subtraction within 10 and then 20.

Op - did you know that in most European countries children start formal school at 7?

We are a ridiculous outlier in the Uk in expecting 4/5/6 year olds to be interested in anything other than climbing trees and running around waving sticks at each other.

Expectations at age 6 should be to listen to the teacher and follow instructions, do a bit of basic reading and writing, play reasonably nicely with other kids and run around lots and lots.

We might do better to talk about expectations for parents of 6yo and whether you're meeting those.

It is called "reversion to the mean." It is the natural course of things.

Just love him for who he is. I am shocked that you are "disappointed." Parental expectations are a blight on children's lives.

As a teacher I'd say that at that age the kids who are 'bright' at school are the ones whose parents read with them, play games with them, just generally interact with them.

Reading while asking questions e.g. what do you think will happen next? Why is she sad? Do you think that's fair? etc

Games that involve number or pattern recognition (e.g. cards), counting, hand to eye coordination.

Arts and crafts where they have to follow multiple steps, read instructions, carefully fold, cut and stick etc.

Cooking together, helping around the house, gardening and similar also help with basic numbers and literacy skills.

The list goes on. The main thing is to encourage their interest and joy in learning.

He may be a genius who isn't yet ready for 'sit down and phonics' crap that we shovel into children.

They are only 6, give them a chance.

Yep, this.