Parents new “friend”

[Itllbealrightonthenight]

I feel uncomfortable about my parents new friend, let’s call her Tracey.
My parents are in their early 60’s, both retired and have plenty of friends and family around them. Almost overnight this Tracey has become part of their everyday lives. Tracey is 26 and according to her, has crappy parents which is why my parents have taken her under their wing. She drives to their house for dinner several nights a week, goes shopping with them, goes to the gym with Dad 3 times a week. I met Tracey for the first time recently and she was pleasant enough but dismissive of me and made no effort to get to know me. I made a conscious effort to get to know her and make her feel welcome - because my parents have grown close to her. But she wasn’t interested and actually made me feel like the stranger in the situation. To my shock she repeatedly called my parents Mum and Dad. That made me feel really uncomfortable around her and I’m suspicious of how quickly she has formed this deep bond with my parents. I can’t help but question her motives. My parents have accepted her life story as she tells it- a neglected child. But the reality is she’s 26, an adult and my parents don’t actually know her yet. She lives with her Dad who she says isn’t supportive. Her mother is elsewhere and she too doesn’t have a good relationship with her. Apparently.
Im suspicious about her intentions and also peed off that she and my parents have totally disrespected me by allowing her to call them Mum and Dad. They’ve known eachother for 6 months!
Thoughts?

I'd be speaking to her dad and finding out more information she sounds like a con woman or someone mentally unwell.

I would say this is very odd. Have your parents shown any sign of cognitive decline? How often are you able to see your parents? Are you an only child?

I think you are absolutely right to be concerned, particularly if she was dismissive of you. I'm not sure how I would tackle it though. Are you worried that she might be after their money or just the relationship?

Also, how did they meet Tracy?

This happened to my friends parents, the requests for money came soon enough. In the end, my friend got the police involved and it turned out that the person had done this before, it was a very difficult time though.

How did they meet Tracey?

Wow. Massively worrying. This may be quite hard to deal with. Good luck.

YANBU

Can you afford a private investigator?

I'd be fuming. Call her out next time, "sorry, but they aren't your parents, can you stop calling them mum and dad. And I think it's inappropriate how much time you spend with them, it feels like you're trying to worm your way in for some reason. I'll be keeping a close eye and if I see or hear something untowards, I will be taking next steps with either the police or social services.".

Let her know you're onto her. Meanwhile, keep things easy with your parents so they don't close off from you.

This happened to my son's in-laws. One of their daily carers became very close, she brought her baby round and said she was short of clothes for her, they gave her money 'for essentials' and paid some of her bills for her. She was having tea there regularly and blanked my DIL when she arrived. They contacted the care agency and reported their misgivings about overfamiliarity, etc, etc and she was moved on. No, she didn't lose her job but my son & DIL didn't trust her an inch!

Major red flags all over this.

Have you told your parents
of your concerns?

The fact that they are happy for her to call them mum and dad suggests a complete lack of awareness on their part how odd this dynamic is and I think they are vulnerable here.

I think in this case I would go as far as to get a private detective to find out all about Tracy and do some digging myself.

I'd also be inviting myself along to the gym and occasions where she will be there and be as breezy as fuck. If she knows you are on her case she will back off. Hi Tracy - here again?

That is a good question. This is a difficult situation. I would be raising a query about this with your parents. Why hasn’t she got her own friends? Warn them that you have a funny feeling about her. That it is really odd.

Worrying. But you have to tred carefully, I suspect Tracey would like nothing more than you to have a fall out with your parents. I would be especially nice to her and express a desire to be her friend too. Maybe you could suggest a meal out with her Dad too? Or pop in to hers for coffee as you're in the area? I suspect she's keeping her personal life separate, making out her family aren't close?
I'd turn up at your parents unannounced when she is there. Keep an eye on her but be a 'fake friend'.

Do you have power of attorney for your parents affairs?
If not I suggest you do get it put in place. Then at least you can keep an eye (legitimately) on their finances...and make it clear to Tracy that you have her measure.

This happened to an older friend of family years ago. A young guy befriended her, and in no time flat, valuable antique bits and bobs, and cash, went missing. My parents had to intervene and let him know they were on to him- he scarpered and we never heard of him again.
I've heard of it more recently as a phenomenon called "cuckooing." A person like Tracy ends up moving in, then next thing, the house becomes a hub for drug dealing etc.
You have been given some excellent advice in this thread, I hope you get rid of Tracy soon!

Wow! Thanks so much for all support already. As I don’t know her at all, I can only tell you what she’s told my parents. I’m unsure what’s relevant but I’ll share what I know. She suffers with mental health, addicted to the gym and is very muscular, she’s gay, she has a job and a car. Her and my Dad met at the gym where they’re both members.
My parents are in great shape mentally and physically. Run a tight ship at home, run long distance, have plenty of friends and family. They could be mistaken for 10 years younger than they are. I wouldn’t say they are vulnerable but some people are clever enough to potentially exploit kindness I suppose. They have both recently retired and I wondered if Tracey is filling a void of some kind? I have one sibling and a wide extended family who all live locally. There are always family gatherings, lots of grandchildren. My parents don’t live a lonely little life at all.
I have said to my parents that I found it odd Tracey is calling them Mum and Dad. They downplayed it and almost denied it. So at this point I don’t think it would be wise to bring it up again because it will either fall on deaf ears or worse, cause conflict. My 23 year old daughter met her at the same time as me. Tracey was very flirty with my daughter which made her feel uncomfortable. My daughter told me yesterday that Grandad said he’s changing his will to include Tracey! She also said won’t be spending time with Nanny and Grandad if Tracey is there.

Hello there,

would you be comfortable sharing more details of this?

Who pays for all the gym and do your parents pay for her shopping while they are shopping?

The mum and dad is also very disrespectful of her real dad that she lives with.
I would challenge that, 'didn't know I had a sister', and 'what do you call your actual mum and dad?'. Just slipped into conversation. If they are denying this say it immediately after she says it. They may just not have noticed.

Ask your mum and dad how they would feel if you started calling some random acquaintances mum and dad?

Perhaps you could decide to join these dinners and get a sense of what is talked about. Look her and her mum and dad up on social media, ask about her schools, colleges and jobs, partners, boyfriends, dig up whatever you can.

I would be extremely concerned some scam is up and coming and your parents won't realise it. Changing will, you need to talk to someone, this is really serious stuff.

They could be mistaken for 10 years younger than they are. I wouldn’t say they are vulnerable but some people are clever enough to potentially exploit kindness I suppose.

Absolutely - but also they may have a sort of false confidence precisely because they're not the frail, confused stereotypical victim of this sort of fraud. Unfortunately they're likely to be very insulted by any suggestion they might be, which will make it harder for you, and easier for her.

My daughter told me yesterday that Grandad said he’s changing his will to include Tracey!

That seems an odd detail not to put in your first post.

Do your research on her. No need for a private investigator, just find her dad.

That’s out and out alarming. I’d be speaking to the police to find out if she has form. They’ll take your concerns seriously (fraud team).

She's flirting with your daughter yet calling your mum & dad mum & dad? Yeah red flag.

I'd just constantly be there when she's there and make her feel awkward see if she gets the hint.
I'd also be telling your dad that Tracey is making your daughter feel unwelcome and she's not going to visit if she's there in future. See how he responds.

In this day and age it's easy to find people online. Do some internet snooping on her.