Parents new “friend”

[Itllbealrightonthenight]

I feel uncomfortable about my parents new friend, let’s call her Tracey.
My parents are in their early 60’s, both retired and have plenty of friends and family around them. Almost overnight this Tracey has become part of their everyday lives. Tracey is 26 and according to her, has crappy parents which is why my parents have taken her under their wing. She drives to their house for dinner several nights a week, goes shopping with them, goes to the gym with Dad 3 times a week. I met Tracey for the first time recently and she was pleasant enough but dismissive of me and made no effort to get to know me. I made a conscious effort to get to know her and make her feel welcome - because my parents have grown close to her. But she wasn’t interested and actually made me feel like the stranger in the situation. To my shock she repeatedly called my parents Mum and Dad. That made me feel really uncomfortable around her and I’m suspicious of how quickly she has formed this deep bond with my parents. I can’t help but question her motives. My parents have accepted her life story as she tells it- a neglected child. But the reality is she’s 26, an adult and my parents don’t actually know her yet. She lives with her Dad who she says isn’t supportive. Her mother is elsewhere and she too doesn’t have a good relationship with her. Apparently.
Im suspicious about her intentions and also peed off that she and my parents have totally disrespected me by allowing her to call them Mum and Dad. They’ve known eachother for 6 months!
Thoughts?

OP I hope Tracey is making less of an appearance. I was wondering about this situation, can't believe it was back in July

Same here @thrifty24 , I'd love an update - hopefully with a positive outcome (fingers crossed)

My parents had a carer that my mother doted on. I was suspicious of her because she told me that some of “ her old ladies” had relatives who neglected them. I found this unprofessional and kept an eye out when I was there. Gradually stuff started to disappear, which was difficult to check as my mother sometimes hid things, may be because she had suspicions too. Over time there were at least two major burglaries while my parents were in the house, immediately afterwards the carer would come up with highly improbable events/ illnesses so she couldn’t come. I tried to warn them that she was probably lying and conning them. Money disappeared when she eventually returned. The final time being out of my purse the day of my father’s funeral. My mother still gave her the benefit of the doubt . She was using a false name and her boyfriend I am sure was doing the burglaries using the key she had. I wish I had challenged more and reported before she finally disappeared, but my mother specifically told me not to go further, and even sent her money ,in case she was hard up from not working. She actually phoned round all the hospitals where the carer might be, but of course could not find her as everything was a lie. You are right to be suspicious.

I don't think Social Services would be interested, would they? This is an active sixty-something couple, not aged and vulnerable.

Age doesn't dictate vulnerability. Only the situation and individuals do. Most sensible middle aged people on their right mind would smell a rat a mile off, these parents obviously don't which would suggest vulnerability.

However... Threatening someone with it doesn't mean you have to actually do it.

Hi all and thanks for checking in.
Im afraid there’s not much of an update in that I’ve maintained my distance from my parents. My Husband and I have made plans to visit them at their house next weekend for the first time in almost 4 months. My mum and I speak regularly on the phone but clearly there’s an elephant in the room that neither of us speak about which is definitely creating distance. My daughter has been to see them once and while she was there, she asked about Tracey. My Dad said something along the lines of “We’re lucky if we see her once a week now that she’s got a new girlfriend”. That should have been music to my ears but it wasn’t. The damage has been done and my Dad’s behaviour has shown me a side to him that I find hard to respect or want to be around. There’s a Maya Angelou quote; “People show you who they are the first time. Believe them”.
That’s not to say that our relationship isn’t repairable but it is down to him to take responsibility and attempt to repair the damage he has caused. I’m realistic about the likelihood of this happening.
I think it’s completely normal to see less of a person (Tracey) whilst they’re in the honeymoon phase of a relationship. I have come to realise there is a pattern is my Dad’s attitude. It started with me, moved on to my daughter and then then Tracey. He expects an unrealistic amount of dedicated personal time and fails to respect and encourage our other demands. There is nothing stopping him from visiting other people if he wants to spend time with us. He doesn’t. Ever. He expects everyone to prioritise him. I’ve said it before but to reiterate a disturbing realisation that I’ve recently had, he attempts to surround himself with a female sycophant.
With that said, I still question Tracey’s motives and feel uneasy about her presence in my close family.

Thanks for the update OP. I for one am glad that Tracey has found a new friend, and so isn't in your parent's lives so much, as that can only be a good thing. However, it's really sad that your Father in particular has behaved in this way, and I guess all you can do is be grateful for the fact that you are now wise to this unpleasant personality trait which he has revealed. Personally, I think I would find it VERY difficult to ever get back to where things were between you, before the arrival of Tracy, so if you get past it, you are definitely a better person than I am. I would also continue to keep an eye on Tracey's behaviour, and just hope that she drifts away permanently.

Do come back and let us know how the visit goes at the weekend.

“We’re lucky if we see her once a week now that she’s got a new girlfriend”.

Maybe if things don't work with the gfriend she'll try to get back in with them?

Wonder how they would take that?

How often would be acceptable to see her I wonder in return for that they have done voluntarily for her?

@Itllbealrightonthenight especially if Tracy is now in the Will. She can do less and still remain a beneficiary - changing Wills is often one of those ‘when I get round to it’ things.

https://news.sky.com/story/the-bizarre-story-of-a-fake-carer-and-what-it-says-about-the-uks-care-industry-13257237

Is this the same Tracy I wonder...

That's shocking!

It is! @Binglebong How has she got away without any criminal charges?! Hampshire Police should hang their heads in shame.

She couldn't change a catheter but they still employed her?

She didn't really meet their needs at all.

Goodness knows how bad the other options must have been!

Is this the same Tracy I wonder...

The same Tracy as who?

Did you read the article? Or the thread...

This whole thread is about OP's parents new friend called Tracy, who I think is a carer, who is driving a wedge in the family.

I'd missed that the "Tracey" in this thread is a carer.

@Blamket with all due disrespect, each of your contributions to this thread are unhelpful.

This Tracey isn't a carer. The OP's parents are fit and healthy and in their early 60s. Why would they need a carer?

I don't think she's their carer, but I thought she was a carer - perhaps I'm misremembering.
It doesn't matter anyway, that's not the point of OP's thread.