Parents new “friend”

[Itllbealrightonthenight]

I feel uncomfortable about my parents new friend, let’s call her Tracey.
My parents are in their early 60’s, both retired and have plenty of friends and family around them. Almost overnight this Tracey has become part of their everyday lives. Tracey is 26 and according to her, has crappy parents which is why my parents have taken her under their wing. She drives to their house for dinner several nights a week, goes shopping with them, goes to the gym with Dad 3 times a week. I met Tracey for the first time recently and she was pleasant enough but dismissive of me and made no effort to get to know me. I made a conscious effort to get to know her and make her feel welcome - because my parents have grown close to her. But she wasn’t interested and actually made me feel like the stranger in the situation. To my shock she repeatedly called my parents Mum and Dad. That made me feel really uncomfortable around her and I’m suspicious of how quickly she has formed this deep bond with my parents. I can’t help but question her motives. My parents have accepted her life story as she tells it- a neglected child. But the reality is she’s 26, an adult and my parents don’t actually know her yet. She lives with her Dad who she says isn’t supportive. Her mother is elsewhere and she too doesn’t have a good relationship with her. Apparently.
Im suspicious about her intentions and also peed off that she and my parents have totally disrespected me by allowing her to call them Mum and Dad. They’ve known eachother for 6 months!
Thoughts?

Fuck sake they're not 'elderly'! They're in their sixties. I'm late 50s, and am as fit, active and switched on as I was in my 30s & 40s.

Can’t believe someone is saying put a camera in your parents house… What even is a nanny cam? Imagine being filmed.

This reads like the plot of a Lisa Jewell novel. But of course all of the things in books / movies are things that actually happen!

Reported for what?

Is this directed at me?

I think you have to take the money that someone's left you in a will. It was going to be tricky to work out what to do if he refused. We were very insistent and eventually he agreed. And it wasn't a significant amount of money in my opinion.

There's honestly nothing to be suspicious about in our case. He's more than proved himself over about 8 years!

I was just using the example because it had similar beginnings to this lady's situation with her parents but turned out ok.

I think you have to take the money that someone's left you in a will.
Of course you don't.

This sounds nothing like cuckooing. Cuckooing involves vulnerable people typically with mental health conditions and/or learning difficulties being exploited by criminal gangs. The crucial component being that they are isolated so that the drug gangs can move in to their house without a fuss and operate out of it for a period of time without fearing that they will be noticed or reported to the police.

However a possibility that nobody else has mentioned is that she may not be a con woman and instead be someone who has a personality disorder like BPD that forms intense attachments very quickly. This would not only explain why she was cold with you but also why she keeps trying it on with your daughter despite getting clear signs of rejection.

It might be wise to ask your parents what they know of her mental health struggles and suggest that they be cautious as their friendship could ultimately end up being harmful to Tracy. Encourage them to look at the concept of “favorite person” in BPD and how and why boundaries are needed for everyone’s safety. Certainly I think they are more likely to be open to this than you suggesting she is doing something nefarious.

@Fluffyelephant
I appreciated your input, thank you. There are some people who want to argue and divert attention from the topic onto themselves. Please stay with me and ignore them, they soon disappear.

I would ask your dad if she is the daughter of one of them, explain to him that her calling them mum and dad will mean everyone will go with that assumption.

We had a relative who was conned out of significant money, the individual had the cheek to even come to the funeral. It's worth checking her real name and associates through the electoral roll: https://www.gov.uk/electoral-register/view-electoral-register. Possible that "dad" is also a scam victim, but further along, so you may get more help than you expect from police if you have some extra details for them to latch onto.

@Notapeach

Thank you! Really interesting point.

GRex · Today 13:14
I would ask your dad if she is the daughter of one of them, explain to him that her calling them mum and dad will mean everyone will go with that assumption.”

Was just wondering, could she be and they just don’t know how to tell you?
Just a possibility.

Well whatever. That would have caused a lot of hassle for me and my mam who were trying to distribute the money as set out in the will as I'm not sure what does happen to the money if it can't go to the place the deceased stipulated.

And most importantly we wanted to fulfil my dad's last wishes!

Either way, it's not relevant. I was just trying to share one positive similar story for the OP in a sea of very negative (murders and all sorts!) stories of intergenerational friendships!

I agree with this and would add that if she is telling the truth about having had a neglected childhood, she may have an attachment disorder and that can also manifest as forming intense attachments too quickly. In which case there isn't necessarily anything sinister happening but your parents do need to put firm boundaries in place.

I don't think 60 year old is that old actually. People may be winding down but I would not treat ppl that age as if on Zimmer frames, and meals on wheels. Maybe they just find her a fun person to chat to too, but its strange her spending so much time there with older ppl.

Well they must be desperate to stay friends if they are OK with her calling them Mum & Dad & have put her in their will.

Not gullible at all?

I have a bit of experience of this OP. A woman adopted my mum and started calling her mum, a kind reading would be that she was a bit of a lost soul and my mum was a very lovely woman, but it did rankle. I was lucky that I expressed my unease to my mum who took it seriously. At my mum's funeral this woman was openly wailing louder than the family (we were all in shock) and she had dressed her 7 year old daughter like a member of the Royal family, you would have thought it was my mums grandchild. It was all very odd.

This was the programme I thought of but couldn’t remember the name.

@crochetmonkey74

I had to laugh at your post! So thank you for adding a bit of light to the shade.

Very dodgy. I would make her uncomfortable, call her out very directly on using ‘mum’ and ‘dad’ with YOUR parents, get your dd to tell her grandparents how uncomfortable she makes her. Be there on a constant!

Oh gawd I think I know her. Does her name begin with V?

This makes no sense.

Why are you parents under this woman's spell?

No one in their right mind suddenly includes an outsider in the Will.

I'm around your parents age.

If this were me, my children would take me to one side and have a word with me!

It's just ludicrous in every respect.

It sounds as if this woman is manipulative and your father perhaps has fallen in the role of Good Samaritan but is being taken for a ride (and a fool.)

Why don't you just talk to them?

Wow , quite a few PPs have known of people in similar situations !!

My 23 year old daughter met her at the same time as me.

Hang on.....

Your parents are in their early 60s, and have a 23 year old grand daughter (your daughter.)

I'm trying to do the maths here.

This means your parents became grandparents at 40, or even 38?
That's cracking on with it all pretty fast. Most of my friends aren't even (yet) grandparents in their early 60s.

So you gave birth to your daughter when your own mum was 38/39?

How old are you now @Itllbealrightonthenight

This does sound odd for parents who seem so young

Are you sure it’s not a sex thing? Might there be a throuple