To hope I get pregnant even though my partner withdraws?

[JambalayaFan]

Me and my partner are in a bit of a strange situation. We own our own home, plenty of savings and a very happy stable relationship. He’d like to wait a couple of years to TTC as we are considering emigrating to where his family lives in 2 years, and the emigration process will obviously be more costly with a baby. I on the other hand would like to start trying ASAP as endometriosis/infertility runs in my family on both sides (several aunties never managed to get pregnant, I have loads of lovely adopted cousins). For this reason, I experience great anxiety about any sort of contraception as I so want to become a mother and don’t want to lower the chances when it may already be a struggle.

We have a great relationship and have no trouble discussing things, and we came to a deal. Our deal was that we won’t TTC yet until he is ready but we’ll do the withdrawal method. He accepts the high risk of pregnancy and agrees if it happens we’ll keep the baby. It may seem odd to many but for us it was a fair compromise. He isn’t quite ready to TTC yet but understands I may not have the biological clock that most women do and therefore I don’t want to mess around with my fertility. I know non-hormonal contraception exists, but it’s also about not wanting to miss chances to get pregnant. I haven’t pressured him into anything, he’s welcome to use condoms if he wants but he does know my feelings on the situation and we came to this solution together. I’m sure many reading this are judging but I promise, we have a very healthy relationship. This situation has come from a lot of discussion between me and my partner. It can’t be compared to a situation where woman lies about being on the pill to get pregnant. I was honest with my partner about wanting a baby.

anyway, the reason I am posting is I am curious if anybody has gotten pregnant from the withdrawal method? If so, did he pull out last minute (so he came as soon as he pulled out and didn’t have to touch himself)? Or is he ejaculating with plenty of time to spare? Me and my partner are doing the first one. Feeling a bit disheartened because a few friends and my mother have told me they did pull-out successfully for years, which isn’t good to hear when I’m wanting it to fail!

Thank you @BigPussyEnergy

I can't a quote a quote on the app

I def don't have a fetish

It was just an observation. If the man doesn't ejaculate inside the woman - where does it go

Wherever he wants it to go. Many men love it.

🙄

WTAF.

Some very odd posts indeed from this poster.

Back on the thread, it looks like the op has stropped and left.

The urge to be a mother doesn't override his consent, and the fact that you not only think it does but find the idea hilarious is abhorrent.

I am the LAST person to say this sort of thing but can you imagine the response if a man said this about a woman?

@emocourt my understanding of sexual consent is not in the least bit blurred.

While my first comment was said tongue in cheek, I'll accept your argument as valid if you can point me to a single reported case where a jury has convicted a woman of sexual assault on a complaint by her husband or partner in circumstances where he had ejaculated in her during consensual sex, after she had told him she wanted to conceive, and knowing that, and sort of being okay with it if she did conceive, he then engaged in unprotected sex with her (repeatedly).

I'm also not sure there is such a thing as reverse stealthing (ie a woman getting a man to ejaculate in her without his consent) to be honest, which is what I think is the basis of your outrage.

How many eye rolling threads are there on here about men moaning they were tricked into conceiving babies.

Men should take responsibility. If you don't want a kid, wear a condom. And be honest with your wife / partner.

Odd posts from me ? Was just a curious question 😂

I've been on mn for about 18yrs

But yes

Op doesn't seem to be coming back

If still reading - you say you have money. So go private and see if you actually have any issues about conceiving. Nothing to do with your aunt cousins etx

His words and his actions don't align. If he isn't using contraception and is having sex then it seems like he does want to have children, but perhaps wants to have that get-out-of-jail-free-card if it all goes wrong "Well, why should I have to give up going to the pub/seeing my friends/working long hours/going away with the lads/playing football all weekend/going to the gym 6 nights a week...? I said I didn't want to have a baby, this is all on you, why do I have to change?"

I probably shouldn't say this as I don't want to encourage people to use the withdrawal method. However, the withdrawal method was a very effective form of contraception for us!
We used it for about 15 years and never got pregnant in that time. The only two times I got pregnant were when we were actively trying to conceive.
I think my husband is very skilled at pulling out in time!

I agree with this poster this is how it is for me.

worded poorly on my part. I was trying to imply she thinks she’ll struggle to conceive from the posts she made.

Nah…he just wants to go bareback, nothing to do with wanting children.

Yep.

I think the OP is failing to take this onboard and if a 'surprise' pregnancy does happen, she's expecting him to be pleased about it.

If he wanted a baby with OP, he would be TTC.

When he showing her who he is, the OP is refusing to believe him. This won't end well.

Cool bro.

@Blondeshavemorefun Has been around for years so if you're insinuating she's a troll then your barking up the wrong tree.

I've done a lot of research into this. Some men produce a significant number in their pre-cum, whereas for other men it's negligible.

Of course the biggest chance of pregnancy when using pull-out, is not pulling out in time.

The other big chance of pregnancy is having sex twice without the man urinating (and "clearing the pipes"!) in between.

FWIW we've been using pull-out carefully for 8 years, with no pregnancy, but we're both mid forties now.

@TooTiredOfThisShit

But maybe you just can't conceive? It doesn't mean the method is working!

I know it's not technically rape, I wasn't one of the posters that said it was. Morally and ethically it's still despicable behaviour.

And yes some posters do seem to think it's hilarious or that men just need a "push" into fatherhood, so just get him drunk! Yes someone admitted to doing that and seemed pretty proud of themselves. I mean WTAF. Imagine if the roles were reversed and a woman was unsure if she wanted children but the man does so he should just get her pregnant anyway and she's bound to come round. I don't think we'd be worrying too much about the technical definition of the words we'd call him.

I've conceived five times (and three of those times were first month trying)! Fair enough, we are both older now, although I'm not yet menopausal.

For us, pull-out worked perfectly well between pregnancies (when it wouldnt have been a disaster to fall pregnant) which is why we carried on with it after our family was complete. But there are factors (which I listed previously) which mean the chance of pregnancy is different for different couples.

Also been around for years? you are very odd.

Hi all! Thank you for everybody’s responses, both supportive and critical. The home truths were quite helpful. Sat DP down and showed him the thread and we agreed we need to make a decision one way or another, either try to forget babies for now (I was honest with him that this would probably destroy my mental health) and go on contraception or we just get on with it.

I’m glad to say we’ve agreed to start TTC officially.

anyway, the reason I am posting is I am curious if anybody has gotten pregnant from the withdrawal method?

Never thought I'd type this, but...

I think this is a question best answered by the Pope.

I’ve been broody for years and I’ve suppressed the urge for well over a decade now and I frankly don’t want to hold off anymore, I think it is sending me over the deep end a bit. Especially since I now own a home, am financially stable and am in a long-term partnership with a kind, caring and lovely man. DP has come around to the idea of immigrating with a baby.

@JambalayaFan I'm glad to hear to you have finally got DP on board.

Men often need a harsh clear conversation on this. My DP needed it too. In their mind there's loads of time. I had to sit mine down and REALLY do the maths for him. How old I would be for the first child, maternity leave payments, how old I'd be for the second child etc. There is just so much you have to think of and men don't. I didn't want to be the girlfriend that goes baby crazy but actually it was needed lol.

A good man comes around when presented with the cold hard facts. Good luck!!

So happy to hear this OP! 👏🏻 👏🏻 👏🏻