To hope I get pregnant even though my partner withdraws?

[JambalayaFan]

Me and my partner are in a bit of a strange situation. We own our own home, plenty of savings and a very happy stable relationship. He’d like to wait a couple of years to TTC as we are considering emigrating to where his family lives in 2 years, and the emigration process will obviously be more costly with a baby. I on the other hand would like to start trying ASAP as endometriosis/infertility runs in my family on both sides (several aunties never managed to get pregnant, I have loads of lovely adopted cousins). For this reason, I experience great anxiety about any sort of contraception as I so want to become a mother and don’t want to lower the chances when it may already be a struggle.

We have a great relationship and have no trouble discussing things, and we came to a deal. Our deal was that we won’t TTC yet until he is ready but we’ll do the withdrawal method. He accepts the high risk of pregnancy and agrees if it happens we’ll keep the baby. It may seem odd to many but for us it was a fair compromise. He isn’t quite ready to TTC yet but understands I may not have the biological clock that most women do and therefore I don’t want to mess around with my fertility. I know non-hormonal contraception exists, but it’s also about not wanting to miss chances to get pregnant. I haven’t pressured him into anything, he’s welcome to use condoms if he wants but he does know my feelings on the situation and we came to this solution together. I’m sure many reading this are judging but I promise, we have a very healthy relationship. This situation has come from a lot of discussion between me and my partner. It can’t be compared to a situation where woman lies about being on the pill to get pregnant. I was honest with my partner about wanting a baby.

anyway, the reason I am posting is I am curious if anybody has gotten pregnant from the withdrawal method? If so, did he pull out last minute (so he came as soon as he pulled out and didn’t have to touch himself)? Or is he ejaculating with plenty of time to spare? Me and my partner are doing the first one. Feeling a bit disheartened because a few friends and my mother have told me they did pull-out successfully for years, which isn’t good to hear when I’m wanting it to fail!

Seems weird to have a conversation with your Mum about your fella pulling out of you! Also, it doesn't seem too clever from his point of view, it's like he's committing only if he has to.

Me and mum are quite close. I’ve known from a young age a lot of my cousins are adopted due to infertility on both sides of the family. In the end I just worked up the courage to ask my mum how long it took her to get pregnant with me and my sibling. She actually got pregnant first time both attempts TTC but successfully used withdrawal for years with my dad.

1st, 2nd and 4th child were conceived like this. All a beautiful (and welcome) surprise.

we used this method for years along with tracking my ovulation (so we would pull out when I was fertile) and it worked fine for about 3 years and then I got pregnant after a particularly drunken night where obviously he didn't pull out. A baby wouldn't have harmed us though and we were both happy when I did get pregnant. I think your circumstance sounds similar, a baby wouldn't be the worst thing on earth and you are using a method that reflects that. I wouldn't recommend pull-out to anyone unless they were okayish with a baby.

good luck with your fertility OP, I hope it goes well for you

Maybe mature first before having children, this is a suggestion because this all sounds insane

yeh, this is an unusual one. How is he going to react if you get pregnant? Will he be happy? Will he think oh well this is what the universe has decided! I'm on board! or will be holding you responsible for impregnating yourself?

I would say to him ''if i get pregnant i'll be happy''. Or ''i know what i want, i want to be pregnant.'' His actions (not using contraception) don't really match his intentions.

A lot of assumptions there. He does want children, we were at his godchild’s birthday party the other week and on the drive home he said how much he’d love one but that he just would rather wait until we’ve emigrated in 2 years to make it easier on us. He absolutely would not ask for an abortion, we’ve discussed this at length.

“surprise”

I got pregnant this way. It was earlier than we had planned, but it’s all worked out for us and I hope it does for you too!

My DD got pregnant using the withdrawl method despite warnings it would happen they were young and thought they knew it all.

In his own words, he would rather wait until we’ve emigrated and settled in the new country but if a pregnancy happened he’d be excited and take it in his stride.

It’s often said that pull-out is used by people who wouldn’t really mind an “ooopsie” and that is me and my partner. Just curious to hear more anecdotes!

Nothing insane about a couple communicating with each other.

I got pregnant by the withdrawal method. I even took the morning after pill and my DD is now 3 years old🙃 second pregnancy was also through the withdrawal method

Something about your post niggles me. You're not on the same page, not married. He doesn't seem very committed. I'm not sure I would want to get PG in those circumstances unless you are happy to be left holding the baby.

Question: what do you call people who rely on 'whipping it out' for contraception? Answer: parents!

All I will say is immigrating to his home country and then having children is an absolute recipe for disaster. I know it’s hard to consider that your relationship may not be forever and he would ever change (no matter what he has said), but so so many women have done that and ended up trapped and unable to leave.

i’d be saying you will consider moving when your child is 2. That way you have tested the relationship under the stress of parenthood and can make a more informed decision

I’d be more concerned about the plans to immigrate to a country where he has family. Is he from that country?
without being married and possibly having a baby that will become resident or even born there.

Will you have rights to stay should you split up or what about if you want to leave and take your child with you?

It’s an EU country in Scandinavia (where he isn’t from but his family have moved to) and we’re both EU citizens, me through Irish grandparent and him through his own EU country.

You're using the withdrawal method and hoping it fails with someone you're not married to who says he doesn't want to conceive just yet? Why have the two of you not married? Are you happy to raise a child as a single parent?

Me and DH used the withdrawal method for about five years safely. We weren’t too worried about the appearance of a baby earlier than planned. We got pregnant pretty quickly which was a relief as I had started worrying.

However I am apparently the result of withdrawal method (my mother informed me of this after too many wines one evening).

Odd Comprise to be honest but if your sure he won’t be too worried if you do have an earlier appearance then carry on.

If you must know we’re planning a lowkey civil partnership next year as we both despise weddings!

How old are you OP? (Asking as I’m curious about the biological clock thing)

"If I must know"? Why are you acting like I'm being unreasonably nosy after you posted on an internet forum about this subject asking strangers to weigh in?