Why do some people have conversations like this? AIBU or is it really annoying!

[Cookiecrumblepie]

"Your dog was so cute as a puppy".
"Well, he is cute as a grown dog as well".

"Sandra is really clever".
"I've always thought Debbie is very clever".

"My son is struggling a bit with reading".
"We never pushed our children with reading".

Someone who never agrees with anything said and is always insinuating something with their response or making a statement that is irrelevant. AIBU or is this conversation style really strange? It's so annoying!

Person 2 should consider giving it a second or too before turning it to what they want to speak about.

You know engage first.

This thought crossed my mind recently. I know several people who do this.

Sometimes people just want to be heard, and not be given an opposing point of view. I've learned to just give people time to talk, not interrupt and let the conversation go where it needs to. It's so frustrating when the other person wants to control the narrative.

I know exactly what you mean OP. I worked with someone like this once. She was generally very nice but the constant disagreement for the sake of it got really draining eventually. When I was quite heavily pregnant I arrived at work after my commute (through central London on tube) and sat down for a minute complaining/apologising that my pregnancy was making me tired after long journeys. Her response was no, she didn't believe it was due to my pregnancy but that she thought I must have a low pain threshold. She had never had a pregnancy or any children, which isn't even the point really. People have different underlying health conditions that can make them breathless. She just constantly had to assert the opposite of what anyone said for the sake of being controversial.

Surely person 2 should listen to person 1 and then try to bring the conversation around to Debbie. Something like "I was really impressed with Sandra's work on xyz but I sometimes think that Debbie goes under the radar,"

Just blurting out that Debbie is really clever too in response to person 1 is very awkward sounding.

Absolutely this. She was a very negative/critical person in general. It’s hard working side by side with your boss as you try to steer clear of too many personal conversations or potentially controversial conversations like politics (which unsurprisingly we fall on opposite sides of the spectrum!). I was just trying to make friendly, inoffensive chit-chat to get through the day and it would drive me nuts that she would still find a way to be combative or just shut me down. There was no point in politely disagreeing with her as she would just loudly double down and it would wind me up even more. Makes you not want to bother!
I’m in a much better job now with a much nicer boss!

Well, that's a very good example of it.

No, that's not the suggestion at all. However, I think this response gives a clue as to what's going on.

I think that what happens is that the responder is taking the question, dismantling it, putting it back together as a different question that lends itself to an argument, then responding to that unasked question with a drop-dead passive-aggressive challenge.

Perfectly put! That’s exactly what it is!

What an odd thing to say to someone.

A backhanded compliment.

lol yes, exactly this. A lot of the time people aren’t looking for an opinion or a criticism. They sometimes just want to talk about something light hearted. It’s absolutely ok to have a difference in opinion over various subjects, but inserting a negative opinion (especially one that makes someone feel silly or bad) into every single observation made during small talk or chit chat is tiresome and irritating.

My mum is like this. With me only. Perfect strangers, she'll agree with every word they say.
It's very very frustrating. I don't know why she does it and keep asking her why but she just gaslights me and says 'maybe I just have a different opinion'?!

🙌

Well, I don’t insist, but it’s just polite to answer, well, in my world anyway. Obviously, if it’s a trial to be courteous, I absolutely wouldn’t bother engaging with them again!

I know what you mean, OP. It's not only disagreeing for disagreeing's sake, but it also smacks of making it all about them.

I do think it's a self centred approach.

I remember going into work one morning and saying “good morning”, and my colleague saying “no it isn’t”. 😂

This is genuinely funny.

Same here, I know a few people who are like this, when I know for a fact if I’d said the opposite of what I thought, they would say what I actually think if that makes sense?

My mum is like this with me too, it’s exhausting at times but I try my best to just laugh about it (in my head) x

Yup, I’ve known people like this before and it’s 🥱 🥱 I’ve got absolutely no problem with someone having a different opinion or wanting to share an experience. However, just once, I’d like it if they agreed with me or even just nodded and said ‘ohh, nice’. I had an ex-friend like that. It just got so tiresome at the end that I couldn’t be bothered anymore.

Knee-jerk Nopers. I have several in my life and I want to kill them. However, three of them are autistic and one is ADHD, not saying that means there's a correlation but it's a fact

That's it. What should be mainly a soothing, affirming back and forth instead becomes nit-picky, combative, dismissive with possibly a side-order of unasked for advice.

Just respond with ‘can both not be true?!?

the reading one is just weird…

What annoys me more is when you say your child is struggling with something and the other person takes that as an opportunity to tell you how bright their little Tommy is… how he’s doing advanced work and absolutely loves it!! How that particular subject is like a hobby to him!!! Blah blah blah…. I think the response you gave as an example could be their way of just reassuring you??

This is so my mum 😂, it really winds me up!

Yes, it is genuinely funny 🤣. And ridiculous, too, because ‘Good morning’ is a greeting not a comment on the weather (if you want to be picky 😀)