Why do some people have conversations like this? AIBU or is it really annoying!

[Cookiecrumblepie]

"Your dog was so cute as a puppy".
"Well, he is cute as a grown dog as well".

"Sandra is really clever".
"I've always thought Debbie is very clever".

"My son is struggling a bit with reading".
"We never pushed our children with reading".

Someone who never agrees with anything said and is always insinuating something with their response or making a statement that is irrelevant. AIBU or is this conversation style really strange? It's so annoying!

😂

Yeah it’s really annoying because the 2nd person is not listening, just making smug statements

🤣🤣

Excellent! This is a perfect example of an exchange with the kind of person described in the OP. With people like this this is constant through the entire conversation and it is really hard work.

Thanks this is helpful to read. My dd converse a bit like you say you do. I suppose I expect a certain type of response, perhaps I need to be more open minded too.

Boring. Assumptive.

I know people like this. Is it OK to just start kicking people and shouting FUCK OFF, are we at this stage yet? Can we be?

Reminds me of the regular sketch in 'This Time with Alan Partridge' where he chats with Lolly Adefope who ALWAYS goes against what he is saying. Yes it is bleeding annoying but come to think of it I think I do it with a close family member whom I find annoying and often says stuff diametrically opposed to my stand point. I might need to work on that... 🤔

My mum and MIL are both a bit like this.

However, I can tell my mum and she laughs and apologises.

I can't tell my MIL. It would just be another opportunity to try and start an argument.

It's got to the point with my MIL where she will just wilfully oppose me on any random thing I say. But then forgets and the next time, takes the opposite view point.

I pointed it out recently and she was a bit stumped. We had been talking about food (let's say lasagne) and I said I love it, used to be a real treat growing up. She then said, a treat! It's just a bog standard dinner. Next visit, eating spaghetti, MIL says she loves it and always thinks she should upgrade and do a lasagne as it's more of a fancy, treat meal. WTF?!

I have a father in law like this. Would argue black is white...

I know exactly what you’re talking about OP, it drives me insane. I had a friend like this and I just ended up not wanting to even speak anymore it was just totally pointless!

It’s just so difficult l, especially when it’s someone you have to interact with (ie family or coworker). I just find it so exhausting and unpleasant. How do people like this get through life?

This thread is giving me flashbacks of my flatmate in late 90s. She would make an argument out of anything, yet she wasn't aggressive, its very hard to describe. Example

Me: it's bloody freezing out there today!
H: not for October though. It's actually mild
Me: true, well at least it's not raining
H: it was raining earlier.
Me: well luckily I missed that. I was at Kates house
H: you said you were going to Paul's house
Me: yeah we decided to go to Kates. Her place is bigger anyhow.
H: but isn't it one of those small terraces?
Me: it's nice and roomy inside actually. She cooked us pasta
H: yuk I hate pasta
Me internally: FUCK OFF H

And so on...

I think this is the same idea. The Why don't you, Yes but game.

https://ericberne.com/games-people-play/why-dont-you-yes-but/

I know exactly what you mean, OP. Unfortunately, quite a few numpties on here just don’t get it 🤣

Yes.

FFS she was just giving an example! There was no actual person talking about a puppy. 🙄

It’s because people are always thinking about themselves and how what you’re telling them applies/relates to themselves.
I remember telling a friend about my brother who had terminal cancer and she someone made a comment about she being so glad that no one in her family had it.
That experience has made me super tuned in to not just thinking about me and my situation in a conversation

Yes my ex was like this, it wasn't until I had kids that I realised it's a tween talking to you.

My dd was like this, I could have said the grass was green and she'd have argued it was more a shade of blue with hints of aqua rather than agree with me. She's 16 now and has thankfully grown out of it and we can now have a good conversation. My ex unfortunately never grew out of it, emotionally stunted in lots of ways, used to drive me batshit that he'd never ever agree with me on anything. I'd sometimes try to think of something he couldn't disagree with and he'd still find a way to be combative with me.

The only time I find it hilarious is when they say their disagreement with such confidence. They told me that Reform was actually Labour and they’d just changed their name ….

My sister is exactly like this! She can't just have a normal conversation she has to argue and contradict every point you make it is so frustrating and makes it not very enjoyable spending time with her

A kind of magic

Even when you're agreeing with them! I can't remember what this bloke & I were talking about, but it was definitely a conversation where he was complaining about some over the top thing or person. I was just being polite when I said, "Less is more," and he said "Oh not always". Oh fuck off then. His name was Simon & I named the syndrome after him, told my husband that my cousin is a female Simon. Saves a lot of explaining.

Love this thread!
My experience this week and reading the thread has made me realise that with people like this you're never actually having the conversation you think you are, and it's impossible to actually connect.

I'm actually quite concerned about one of the kids I'm away with - lost a bit of weight, quite grey looking, frail etc. So chatting to the parent who was saying the child is so much smaller than their peers and I said, do they eat much? And this person said, oh yeah, loads!

But observing the child I can see that they are not eating and that conversation I had was actually about proving me wrong rather than engaging with my concerns. So...hope the kid is ok and just needs more sunlight!

Thanks. I’m glad it’s got a name. I’m going to Google it.
I had an aunt who definitely was an Oppositional Conversationist.’ You feel you can never have a genuine conversation with them. Every response was challenging, combative, defensive or a conversation killer:
’My niece is going to live in X’ - ‘I’ve been to X, it’s a dump.’
’We are having a day out in X’ - ‘It never stops raining there’
I’m moving to X street’ - ‘There’s a canal at the back of there with rats in it’

When I became an adult I would purposely tell her things to see what she’d say. I made it into a game and was laughing inside