Why do some people have conversations like this? AIBU or is it really annoying!

[Cookiecrumblepie]

"Your dog was so cute as a puppy".
"Well, he is cute as a grown dog as well".

"Sandra is really clever".
"I've always thought Debbie is very clever".

"My son is struggling a bit with reading".
"We never pushed our children with reading".

Someone who never agrees with anything said and is always insinuating something with their response or making a statement that is irrelevant. AIBU or is this conversation style really strange? It's so annoying!

This thread has made reflect and realise that I might be guilty of this myself with people I don’t particularly like.
A relative of DH is lazy, greedy, a taker and entitled and I rarely agree with anything she says. It’s probably my way of keeping her at arm’s length and avoiding any kind of genuine conversation.
Makes me feel a bit ashamed so, next time I see her I shall make an effort to agree with her.

Exactly. And some posters are taking OP’s examples literally. I don’t think OP actually made comments about pups being cute or Sandra being clever. These were examples.
When posters are saying things like ‘Why did you say that about Sandra?’ I want to give a big sigh and an eye roll…

🤣
Hence, he is your EX - thankfully 😊

Start making comments so you can be entertained by her comebacks and you can laugh inside. See what she says to:

• HB pencils are the best for making notes
• black print is easier to read
• add a tiny amount of salt to coffee

OR, even better, say something you’ve heard her say herself and see if she disagrees 😊. Or you could say ‘You know, you’re right what you said about Nescafé the other day. It IS the best coffee.’ Have fun 🌺

I've got a friend like this, it's irritating. Almost every conversation is nit-picked and challenged. It leaves me feeling stupid and dismissed.

I love it when a subject is introduced that she knows nothing about, her mouth literally flaps as she tries to find something contradictory to say but knows she doesn't have enough info to do it.

She has a lot of good points so I try not to let it get under my skin and get defensive.

That takes me back! My parents had that book, I read it when I was a teenager, so probably mostly over my head. I remember that 'not in the South' gambit though.

I wonder whether it’s some kind of personality disorder? Whether it’s nature or nurture!? Or maybe a combination of both. It seems incurable

It’s disagreeing for the sake of it. I tend to not bother with these types of people, I nod and smile and never really engage them in conversation again.

I had a boss who was like this and it was draining. I was her only employee so we spent a lot of time together.
Examples that stick in my mind:

Me writing the date: “aw I just realised it’s been x many years today since my husband and I got together!”

Her: “oh I never really see the point in remembering anniversaries from before marriage”

Another time:
Me: Mentions I made lunch using my new soup maker

Her: “Those things seem really pointless when it’s so easy to make it on the stove”

Me: mentions being excited about going to a certain restaurant

Her: “Well personally I hate that cuisine but have fun”

As a one off I wouldn’t care. But when it’s constant it’s like… “ffs why are you like this?! Just say “that’s nice!” and move on!”

If you've been to Tenerife, they've been to Elevenerife! I totally get your point OP.

Some people for many reasons aren't the chatty type. Perhaps this was their desired outcome?

This is what I sometimes wonder, are they trying to give me the brush off or are they really just that bad at conversation?

See, OP you say any little thing you say elicits a combative response - but then you’re saying things like “your dog was so cute as a puppy” which could very easily be taken as “obviously he’s not cute now.”

Also - “that’s a lovely bake, did you bake it?” Why not just say “that’s a lovely cake.”
Does it matter who baked it or does that make a difference to it being lovely.

I think I’m one of those people actually…

Don't take it personally, they're not giving you the brush off, they just don't want to talk. It's not obligatory!

This person seems to be a negative curmudgeon, who can’t share other people’s joy. You were trying to inject a bit of joy, positivity and excitement into the world, and the boss is just negative, negative, negative.

It reminds me of people who resent the young and carefree- parents or older siblings who make a habit of saying ‘pipe down’, ‘don’t be daft’, ‘that’s enough now’, etc. It’s an attempt to quash your spirit.

But it's exactly the same thing. Not that it's a huge deal, I can always find someone else to talk to.

Well, no, just courteous though.

Yes, I think you are! It’s small talk, it’s not really meant to be taken literally or pulled apart and analysed.

It's not courteous to insist on a conversation the other person doesn't wish to have. This is why some responses may seem argumentative designed to close a conversation down.

I mean obviously you should think before you speak but there has to be a balance between that and doing over the top levels of heavy analysis of everything you say. Asking did you bake it is a perfectly normal thing to say about cake.

It's not courteous to insist on a conversation the other person doesn't wish to have. This is why some responses may seem argumentative designed to close a conversation down.

I don't think this is really about " insisting on conversation " .....

I don’t see the issue with 2. Person 2 is making the same point Person 1 made, just about someone else. Person 2 might disagree about Sandra, but maybe they just want to talk about Debbie instead.

I had an aquaintance who was lamenting putting on weight.
Me: But you look great, especially after having five kids.
Her: It's not that, it's too many cream cakes.

Months later I bumped into and again she started talking about her weight gain.
Me: Too many cream cakes?
Her: Well it's probably more to do with having five kids!

OP, I get it.

I don’t see the issue with 2. Person 2 is making the same point Person 1 made, just about someone else. Person 2 might disagree about Sandra, but maybe they just want to talk about Debbie instead.

They might do. But person 1 started this conversation, it's not all about what person 2 wants.

Wow