to not like people bringing other children who are not invited to a party?

[Youwouldntlastandh0ur]

If you were having, say, a birthday party, and you invited the children, but the parent wanted to bring the child's siblings or another tag-along friend, wouldn't it annoy you?

It would really piss me off if someone bought another child who wasn't invited with them, because my kid (unless they somehow were friends or knew each other) would barely know them and I'd think that it wouldn't be fair on said child because they wouldn't know the person whose party it is.

Probably gets worse when the uninvited ones expect party bags and food.

There is a woman in my childs class who has four children and all four children seem to be at every party this child is invited to. The dad is not at pick up or drop off any day so he must be around at weekends but still, it seems the children must all come along. It irritates me every time, although I am assuming she's asked and been told its fine.

To add- I also have a younger child and before my eldest was at drop and go age I always made sure I had someone to watch her or paid her in separately and bought food etc where it was a soft play type party

I have been guilty of bringing my other child to parties in the past but only ever at soft play/places where I could pay extra admission. I never expect anyone to provide food/party bags for the extra child.

Having said that whenever I have done a party I always make sure I have a few spare party bags to allow for additional little passengers.

It's quite common to do whole class parties here and I've always stated that siblings are welcome at ours. The more the merrier and I always overcater for food and party bags so it's no bother. I've brought along younger DD to parties where the invite has stated siblings welcome. Usually at hired hall type events where the cost is the same regardless. I don't think it's an issue in our circle - it's an affluent area and private school so parents aren't watching the budget.

Each to their own, but certainly unless including siblings they shouldn’t be turning up.

Im in Australia and we aren’t in an affluent area but when my kids are little, we always welcomed siblings and parents and it’s always very noisy but lots of fun.

*were little not are little

Sibling, sure. Tag along friend, nope.

I think it depends on the venue/ age of kids.

It seems pretty standard for siblings to be welcome at softplay / village hall style parties here. But these are whole class parties with younger kids who are not at the drop and go age. The siblings in tow are invariably babies/ toddlers so cannot easily be left.

But YANBU at the tag-along friends or assumption of food/ party bags. Also, I think this would be different if it were a more limited number issue/ we're not talking babes in arms.

I don't mind so long as

• they check it's ok
• older siblings don't hog the bouncy castle/soft play so the little kids are scared

Would not (and has not) concern me in the slightest. Families have obligations to care for all their children, this doesn't end just because your kid is having a party.

I'd like to know beforehand for lolly bag purposes but I make some.extra anyway just in case.

As a side question is it standard these days for school age children parties to involve the parents staying and not dropping kids off? This was not normal when I was growing up but it seems times have changed? So much to look forward to 🙃

I've only ever brought extra children when they're babe-in-arms or have been explicitly invited ("siblings welcome, too"). My DDs are about a year apart and play with the same kids so it's not so bad. Once they're in separate school years then it'll probably be a different story.

No, no, no.

If you have other kids to care for, drop & go.
If you're expected to stay to help then get child care. If that's impossible a polite note to party holder's parents explaining why your kid won't be attending.

The entitlement to bring another kid is off the scale.
Yes, even at a soft play, the sibling will inevitably try & join in.

Kids need to learn everything does not revolve around them & that sometimes their sibling is entitled to their own friends & their own socialising.

Same goes for "prizes for participating " - hell no, kids need to learn how to lose & win graciously.

@beachcitygirl

you said it.
parents who do this are showing a terrible example for their children

Who does it hurt, exactly, to have a few more kids there?

The things that people feel so passionate and miserly about never ceases to amaze me.

Very very grateful to live in a community where siblings are seen as welcome inclusions and not entitled simply for needing to be somewhere!

And it really is just a matter of perspective and how generous and gracious you want to be and model.

My husband does shift work and therefore works some weekends. If a bday party for my oldest falls on a weekend he is working I will have to ask if I can bring youngest and vice versa once youngest starts getting bday invites. Of course I would try to make sure the sibling isn't doing anything at party to cause issues eg. Oldest one taking over bouncy castle. But not everyone has childcare/parents around every weekend. But I would ask and say of course I understand if they can't.

It was never a thing when my children had and attended parties . Siblings were not invited and parents dropped off and ran ! Helpers were friends or grandparents.
It would have been considered pretty rude and awkward for everyone.
Children need to learn to be independent and have fun without their siblings/ parent .

I would be fine with it as long as someone asked so I could cater for it. A lot of people don’t have childcare for various good reasons. Bringing a mate along is taking the piss though. Siblings I completely understand. Obviously if it’s a party where you need to drop off then no you shouldn’t be leaving siblings.

Surely it must partly depend on the type of party? At a soft play/village hall type event, maybe siblings can be accommodated. At a “home” party, not so much. I’m with Wedoourish - when my children were young, only the invited children came to parties. Mind you, those were the days when my children were allowed as many friends as they had years, and most parties were held at home.

Have seen people bring cousins along to soft play type things and expect them to be paid for as part of the party. If one person brings two cousins then around here that another £25-£30 for the host to find when they may have saved and budgeted for x guests.

As ever, it is the principle. One person was invited. How dare the parent assume that is an open invitation to the invitees siblings??
You wouldn't turn up at an adult party/paid for event with your siblings in tow
It's entitlement of the highest order, no matter the size/age of the child
I would not let them in. Yes, it is not the 'extra' childs fault, but they need to learn that their parent is an entitled arsehole, and that they should not expect to do everything their sibling does.
I cannot bear such attitudes

I've had to bring a younger sibling along a good few times. At soft play places I obviously don't ask, I just pay her in and then keep her away from the party room at food time. I'm good friends with another mum in the class and our younger DC are at nursery together so we often do it just for a playdate rather than out of necessity, it works well.

At church hall type parties I ask in advance but no one has ever had a problem.

We're at the drop and run stage now, but our eldest has an allergy so one of us still stays, so we're still having to bring DC2 along at times. I'm away this weekend so she's going to a party on Saturday with the mum's agreement.

Sometimes the sibling comes or the party guest doesn't. I wouldn't do it without asking but I'd be very surprised to be told no, and would never say no myself.

I don't find this a problem. People have logistically complicated lives. I always had the type of parties where it doesn't matter.
Obviously no party bag.

Editing to say: I haven't done it myself, before people assume, but have had extras turn up.

I can’t say this bothers me for the most part. It’s usually something like a 2 year old sibling with the 6 year old. They are only there by default.
I’ve never seen a 14 year old bring a 12 year old sibling.
At whole class hall parties it’s really a non issue and I think the majority of parents feel the same.

I can’t believe there are people who think a 5 year old shouldn’t be allowed to go to a party because their mum would have to bring 3 year old sibling.
Thats genuinely awful imo.