to not like people bringing other children who are not invited to a party?

[Youwouldntlastandh0ur]

If you were having, say, a birthday party, and you invited the children, but the parent wanted to bring the child's siblings or another tag-along friend, wouldn't it annoy you?

It would really piss me off if someone bought another child who wasn't invited with them, because my kid (unless they somehow were friends or knew each other) would barely know them and I'd think that it wouldn't be fair on said child because they wouldn't know the person whose party it is.

Probably gets worse when the uninvited ones expect party bags and food.

If the party is held at a public place then I think it's fine to bring siblings as long as you pay for them and don't expect a party bag. If it's a party in a private hall or home then it's unreasonable to bring extras.

It's not just about the budget, though?

Sometimes activities are just not aimed at a variety of ages, some kids don't want half the guest list consisting of kids they've never met before, having to be mindful of toddlers roaming around the hall can be restrictive for older kids, some entertainers have a ceiling on numbers etc, - having catered bottomless food and part bags is really the least of it.

Depends entirely on the situation. We take our youngest alot to eldest parties mainly because of childcare issues and otherwise eldest wouldn't go
BUT
We check first with the host
If its soft play/trampoline/external location party, we always pay their entrance and separate food/drink etc
Never if it is somewhere that only allow parties and the sibling would have to take up a place

Our eldest is old enough now to be left at parties but sometimes the location just means its easier to stay than go home and come back. Usually these places we book and pay for separate entry for the sibling and us, we then spend 2 hours with the sibling and stay away from the party areas until pick up.

Noone has every had an issue with it.

@lassal
What is the relevance of you being a private school parent?
Your post is snobbish, irrelevant and untrue in my experience of being a parent in both types of educational settings.

When my kids were small (80s/90s), pre-school children tended to not have those kinds of parties. It was usual for celebrations to be family based. Once they started school, nobody would have expected to stay with their child, unless they were a friend there to help with the party. I never really thought about it at the time because it was the normal thing, but really if your child is old enough to be at school all day, they're old enough to be at a party on their own, surely? Parties beyond 9 or 10 didn't really happen. It was much more usual for those to involve just one or two best friends and a day out to somewhere special, requested by the birthday child. Oh, life was so much simpler then! 😊

Depends on the type of party. If I'm doing a hall party then it doesn't bother me, however it is polite to ask if they can come along. Depending on how many there are extra depends if I offer to buy food (I'm lazy, always went for the McDs route).

If it is a place where each space is paid for, they're welcome to come along but they will need to be paid for. Last year I had booked an inflatables place, a friend brought along her niece and step daughter then had the cheek to ask if anyone didn't turn up so she didn't have to pay. Then she sat them at the table to eat the food 🫠

I have a colleague who boasted to me about doing that "a few times" (presumably to different sets of parents). She didn't get why I didn't think she was clever or amusing.

@Ozanj What you're suggesting is entirely outside normal rules of party giving.

It might work for you - but it does not work for many many people and you should not have an expectation that your very unusual take on parties will be accommodated.

No to extras, no to parents unless under 5 or with additional needs, no to siblings unless you this has been explicitly stated on the invitation.

Otherwise don't go - it's an invite not a summons.

Times have changed. People today are far, far more aware of risks like child sexual abuse that can occur (from older siblings, cousins, uncles) when you drop your five year old child off at a home filled with many other people.

So parents prefer to stay, and parties have evolved to cater to this style. And it's the norm now, and it means kids still have heaps of fun and risk is minimised.

People dropped and ran from 5 so it wasn't an issue when mine were smaller (under 5's didn't have big parties either)

An alternative view to "if you have drop outs on the day that covers the cost " thought is, if the venue allows refunds on the day for no shows then the party organiser saves a few quid?!!! Possibly quite a few?

While of course the cost is a factor it's the entitlement of the other mums in my case that pissed me off: I mean if I'd wanted to spend the extra I would have done on guests of DDs choosing not someone's 3 year old kid I've never met

I like her already ... 😁

Yeah - face painting here is quoted as xx amount of children in X hours. Quite awkward when uninvited additional siblings start getting their faces painted ahead of the invited party guests, and then they run out of time. 😬

The answer is simple really…

Rude if you don’t check before hand and just turn up at kids party with extra children

Not rude if you check with parents before hand.

For example, Sarah 5 years old is having a birthday party and her best friend Clare also 5 years old has been invited, it’s a Saturday and Clare’s mum has no one who can have her older child Bob age 7.

Clare’s mum doesn’t want Clare to miss the party so checks with Sarah’s mum if Bob can tag along. But offers to pay any costs for food / activities

YANBU. It's very rude.

Just say sorry we need to stick to exact numbers of invited guests due to costs or catering or party bags or insurance rules.

I think the people who think it is okay to bring extra kids are the ones guilty of doing it.

I have thrown hall parties where it's a standard fee for the venue and have invited siblings. A few younger siblings came and a good time was had by all.

I've also booked expensive laser tag where I specified DS could only bring 5 friends because it was £20 a pop. One kid's G'ma brought his cousin of the same age with no notice and asked if they could join in. I told her 'no problem, that will be £20' and she had the cheek to look offended. She did pay but I could tell she thought I was being unreasonable. The last-minute stress and hassle to add the cousin to the party was really not appreciated by me or the venue.

I think it depends on the party and where you live. I grew up in 1970/80s suburban Canada and most birthday parties were held in undeveloped basements with streamers and plastic table cloths where we had hotdogs, Kool-Aid and cake. If a passel of siblings showed up, no biggie, just boil up a few more dogs. In current day UK, our houses are so small that we have to outsource parties (and pay exorbitant prices) so bringing another child unannounced is very rude.

Oh I'll happily admit to this, but also I'm not joking when I say it's utterly normal in my circles.

I and my kids have friends from where we live (low socio economic area) and from my industry (high socio economic colleagues) and at my son's party out of 14 kids invited, only one didn't bring a sibling/s, because that sibling was at another sport. That's the absolute norm for the birthday parties my kids go to, from school friends to sports friends and others as well.

I personally always check first and I agree it's better manners to. But it genuinely doesn't bother me if someone doesn't do so, I assume it slipped their mind amongst the business of life. I wouldn't be thinking of them as entitled or the height of rudeness or whatever.

I love being part of an involved community where families socialise as families and we can be generous with each other.

Maybe it's the same woman!

I think it's rude to bring extra kids. Even at soft parties when the parents pay for the siblings. We had two families doing that when DS was 9. 5 extra children in total. Sure the families stayed but 5 extra children who came to eat an ordered cake for 6 children.. I had to go and order extra soft drinks, sweets and pastries to make up fir it and then they cried because I didn't have goodie bags for them. DS was annoyed because he wanted to spend the time at table talking to his friends but with all the younger siblings it was difficult.
When we had a beach party on the other hand I told everyone to bring family because obviously we provided a ton of food/drinks and family needed to stay to watch their children in the water anyway😁

Surely if it's normal within your circle to socialise as families, the invitations are actually extended to families?
If an invitation is for a named child it's a fairly good indication that the host is expecting only that child to turn up, not to arrive with his entire family 🤷🏻‍♀️

I've got four kids and childcare is a big issue for me as husband works weekends.

I've never taken siblings, just dropped and gone home.

Would not bother me as long as they asked if it was ok
we’ve been to and included siblings where needed
some random friend on a play date though is a bit odd, surely you’d say sorry we can’t have x over today as going to a party.

Well, now I've learned something. I have been completely unaware that taking my baby to a child's birthday party and sitting quietly in the corner was such a crime. I should have found childcare, (on a Saturday or evening, no idea where) Or declined the invitation. I apologise to the many parents that must have thought me selfish and grabby.

I do completely agree that turning up with extra children that you expect to benefit from the party, entertainment/ food/ cake etc. is incredibly cheeky. Even worse dumping extra kids on the host and leaving.