to not like people bringing other children who are not invited to a party?

[Youwouldntlastandh0ur]

If you were having, say, a birthday party, and you invited the children, but the parent wanted to bring the child's siblings or another tag-along friend, wouldn't it annoy you?

It would really piss me off if someone bought another child who wasn't invited with them, because my kid (unless they somehow were friends or knew each other) would barely know them and I'd think that it wouldn't be fair on said child because they wouldn't know the person whose party it is.

Probably gets worse when the uninvited ones expect party bags and food.

To be fair I think posters who object don't mind at a baby tagging along just not older kids who proceed to get stuck into activities they aren't invited to and eat food that isn't for them.

That's obvious surely?

I haven't done it, and wouldn't. I also understand that lots of parents aren't in the same situation as me and may or may not have childcare available whilst one sibling is at a party.

No because the kids make the invites
So it just says
To: CHILDS NAME

It just wouldn't occur to me that this means AND ANYONE EXTRA WILL BE SHOT ON SIGHT lol

I think it’s ok to bring a sibling as long as it’s a party in a public venue like soft play and the parents don’t expect a party bag or catering for the sibling. In a place where there are restricted numbers, specific costs per child or a private venue it’s not ok at all. I can’t believe anyone would thing it was ok! Maybe in a large hall where a few extra doesn’t really matter it would be ok and many parents would be happy for siblings to come, but it should still be with the prior agreement of the birthday child’s parents.

So thankful I managed to avoid this.
My 3 children's birthdays are during the summer holidays 🤣

No. Firstly I’d be asking where they bought them from 😂 Secondly as a single parent of 3 children I struggle to find childcare, so I wouldn’t be annoyed and I’d hope the birthday parents would feel the same. Let’s be honest, we all over cater for kids parties so what’s another few mouths to feed plus my kids are all friends with their friends younger/older siblings so it makes for a great day out for everyone.

Yes it pisses me off enormously

I think it’s not too bad when it’s a hired hall. I often said siblings could stay if they liked or sometimes I invite 2 siblings as son did know them both. But I’ve had siblings sit down for food at soft play and once had 2 kids have to share a seat as sibling sat down. I did get a text that evening from the mum saying she was furious with her husband and apologising!! It did cost me money as I had to make sure she had food. I think he genuinely didn’t realise, but it is a tricky thing as some mums don’t have anyone to bring the other child and I hate to see the sad faces of the sibling. Thankfully my youngest is 16 now and it’s a distant memory!

When ours were small they went to a small country school only 28 children altogether at that time, we have a big yard and birthday parties usually had a bouncy castle sweets from lidl and a cake nothing fancy, every child came if they wanted to, often 20-30 kids in the yard!
I know its a different situation from alot of people and for most thats not practical, now we wernt well off but it wasnt that expensive and it was always fun! No child was ever left out! I do realise its not practical it just worked for us!

I think it depends on the party. If it's a hall or soft play then I don't think having siblings there is an issue of the parent has no childcare.

Maybe not so much if it's at your house but again if you have no childcare there's not much that can be done.

I've never had an issue with people bringing siblings.

We always had cheap old-school.style birthday parties for fairly small numbers of children at home where siblings were expressly welcomed and there was a slice of cake in the party bag for siblings who weren't at the party. We couldn't afford soft play/village hall parties so most of the budget went on food and the set-up for party games/activities which we always planned around flexible numbers.

I have 2 daughters, one in YR and one in Y2. I always try to get childcare if I can, but as youngest is autistic it’s very difficult. This weekend YR child has a party Sat and Sun. The Sat one I just cannot get childcare for eldest. Husband is at work, grandparents on holiday. I’ve asked up front if eldest can come, but I’ll bring her Nintendo and she will sit with me. I don’t expect her to join in. In the past I’ve had to take youngest to parties the eldest is invited to as it’s very very hard to leave her due to her needs. I’ve always asked up front and paid for her entry to places and we’ve stayed separate. If they’ve done food for example, I’ve bought our own and we’ve sat away from the party and eaten. But honestly, no one has ever made it an issue. They would rather youngest was there and eldest can come, than her miss out.
I think it’s about asking up front. If it’s not okay, then it’s fine with me, but at least they know the truth why one cannot go. I would never just assume and take the other along though without prior asking.

Yep, there's some cheeky sods out there. Last week a woman brought her toddler along, he just joined in without mum asking (I had a limit in numbers because of entertainer) and he was first in queue for party bag. He didn't get one because I didn't have enough and that's totally his mums fault. Unbelievable. My kids didn't even know him, only his older sister.

If they ask before hand ok, but otherwise its rude and cheeky. It also puts the host in a tricky position if there's entertainers who limit numbers.

Thank you for that. Excellent post. Absolutely relevant to the question originally posted. But also authoritative, researched, closely-argued and argumentatively watertight. And above all, it’s generous of spirit. So refreshing.

Having read that, I now feel this hasn’t been an entirely wasted day.

There’s normally only a couple of years for reception and y1 where this tends to be an issue. My expectation is that from y2 onwards people would be dropping and going as standard, probably a fair amount of lift shading going on etc. Village hall type parties can often accommodate siblings but activity parties not.

The biggest thing though is that it often changes the dynamic. Bigger kids can be more boisterous than smaller ones and little ones can be a pain at bigger kids parties. For 4-5 year olds in reception it doesn’t matter so much if toddlers are around but much older I think it often just annoys the kids themselves.

It’s polite to ask if it’s ok. Some parties have a limit with numbers and for health and safety can’t go over . It’s not ok to take the piss and just rock up with additional kids

This.

It’s not ‘entitled’ to need to bring a sibling, it’s life. Round here most invitations for parties in halls and parks are sibling inclusive. Not everyone has free childcare they can call upon and the thought of spending £15 an hour for a babysitter so your kid can attend a party is bonkers. Other parent might be out of the picture or just need a bit of time to themselves at the weekend.

I always have enough food and a few extra party bags, so what difference?

People are so weird and cheap sometimes.

We often go to parties as a family, as do a lot of others in the various class groups. We like spending time together at the weekends, and it’s a good way to hang out with parent friends. It’s also helpful because often we end up pitching in with tidying or whatever. But we have quite a nice community here.

That would not be the done thing at all in my circle. I don’t think I’ve ever been to a kid’s birthday party where the whole family has rocked up unless they were immediate family. One parent and siblings yes due to childcare but it is generally one parent, one kid moving to dropping kid off as they get older.

If they haven’t even asked how the hell are you supposed to cater for them or have enough party bags. They should ask and confirm first.

if it’s a last minute childcare thing they could at least message and not expect the food/bags etc.

It’s the norm here. People generally cater a little for adults and provide beer / fizz etc. There’s plenty of drop and run as they’ve got older, or if people have stuff to do, but there’s a lot of hanging out, too.