Furious with DD's swimwear

[FFSTeenagers]

Someone talk me down please!

On holiday with elderly parents and elderly in-laws - wonderful people. 15 yr old DD has emerged from her room to go to the pool in 5he smallest of bikinis. I can almost see her vagina.

I feel fucking ancient saying this. I hate myself for even feeling like this but she has zero modesty.

I bought her 3 bikinis (together - we went together) from Roxy and Next - lovely ones. Not one has arrived and instead she has bought, without my knowledge, 4 from shein that are not for her curvy build. Barely any material and I'm really embarrassed.

Confronting her has gone downhill rapidly and she's claiming that I'm hardly a feminist as 'she should be able to wear what she likes as it's her body'. She's not bloody wrong but what the hell happened to my daughter's modesty.

My parents and in-laws are sensing the atmosphere already and we only arrived an hour ago.

AIBU?

The bikini op’s dd is wearing is not appropriate. But having had a look at the first couple of pages of Roxy, this is more the sort of thing my dd wore when she was 13/14. At 15 and 16, she’s wanted something a little more grown up but not what her 30 year old cousin or aunt might wear.

Agree.

All for the posed Instagram photos to impress friends. Cringe. (Take 500 shots and upload just the 1) 🙄

No she hasn't. She's discussed how different body types (including curvy, which you can be as well as slim, because boobs and hips are curves, doesn't make you fat) look different in different styles and some styles aren't appropriate for some body types.

it’s strange your dads adding to the drama. My dad is accepting of others quirks and wouldn’t blink and would just carry on with his poolside plans - reading and chatting and swimming mostly.

Exactly, @Gummybear23 and @Projectme .
Plus so many parents of teenage girls just seem to opt out because it's easier. It's good to see a parent actually try to do something.

What do you mean by "grown up"- more sexually obvious?
Because 30 year olds are grown up. This girl wants the Love Island look and her mum is rightly trying to put boundaries in place.

No one on love island wears those string bikinis. I hadn’t seen them before. I mean something like this. The bum is slightly cut away but covered and a more modern shape.

Yes this needs addressing. She needs to pay you back

Oh god OP is she posting pics on Instagram?

I've seen 30 year olds in those.
You've said she doesn't want to look like a 30 year old. I've said that the problem is the hypersexualisation of teenage girls clothing.
The mother is quite rightly trying to challenge this.

Of course the images will be on SM, that's the point. Sadly.

Then they can enjoy perving even more.

Hi OP
I get it, but I think you need to let it go.l for the sake of your holiday and relationship.

I have been in similar situations with my eldest. Whether it's skimpy clothes...or just which trainers she wants.

I really don't get the skimpy bikini or the love island thing but that's what they all do.
You have to let her find out the hard way.
It's possible she hasn't even tried these on before coming away and will regret it. Or she is lying about leaving the others behind and will miraculously find them.
She may come to regret it when elderly comment. Or she gets least looks from strangers.....then you just buy/find her something else without comment so she knows when she makes mistakes you are still there for her.

It's probably a bit late for this but I sunburn really easily, if your DD has on display flesh that hasn't seen the sun before she will get burned if she is not careful.

I'd use that before anything else.

As for feminist, does she know the conditions the workers endure? One day of a month, 12 hour days, living in 'hostel' type accommodation separated from their children for years at a time.

'but they're all wearing that sort of thing!' And that makes it ok? Parent your child and teach them about appropriate conduct and attire.

How times change. I would never have worn tiny bikinis at 15, I absolutely hated men leering at me. I'd be embarrassed too OP.

"that's what they all do"
Parenting cop out.

I’m writing it from her perspective and not all 30 year olds will wear those bikinis. Had I said Roxy bikinis are for 50 plus, I’d have had backlash for writing an ageist comment… despite the fact I’m in that age group. 🤷‍♀️

So I assume as it's a family holiday, you are somewhere 'family friendly' rather than a club 18-30 where a bikini like this would be appropriate atire ... for an adult.

It's about safeguarding her, absolutely but also, is it appropriate for other people's young children to be subject to nipples and labia on show.

💯

I really don't get the skimpy bikini or the love island thing but that's what they all do.

No, they really don't. Most parents would not want their 15 year old daughter's wearing porn inspired bikinis and would not allow it.
Dying your hair pink or wearing flashing trainers is pretty harmless, showing most of your breasts and bum to a load of strangers is quite another.

I saw some pretty skimpy "love island" bikinis on holiday. I just don't find them attractive or flattering even on the most perfect of figures.

@KnittedCardi surprised at this! My parents would never have allowed this and there’s no way I would have even done this!

Sounds like your mum clearly didn’t give a toss about you being half naked.

At 15 you are still a child, and no @FFSTeenagers is not the problem, her daughter is 15 not 35!

You don't know her perspective.

Every time Dh and I have come down hard and banned something / made dd2 change it has been an unpleasant incident and we’ve questioned if it’s worth it. It’s not easy parenting in this culture. It is easy to judge but honestly if you’re not dealing with this you can’t comment.

Made harder for us in that three of her best friends parents are Brazilian / American / Russian respectively lovely families and like minded but they genuinely have no problem with this whatsoever and think we are mental.