Furious with DD's swimwear

[FFSTeenagers]

Someone talk me down please!

On holiday with elderly parents and elderly in-laws - wonderful people. 15 yr old DD has emerged from her room to go to the pool in 5he smallest of bikinis. I can almost see her vagina.

I feel fucking ancient saying this. I hate myself for even feeling like this but she has zero modesty.

I bought her 3 bikinis (together - we went together) from Roxy and Next - lovely ones. Not one has arrived and instead she has bought, without my knowledge, 4 from shein that are not for her curvy build. Barely any material and I'm really embarrassed.

Confronting her has gone downhill rapidly and she's claiming that I'm hardly a feminist as 'she should be able to wear what she likes as it's her body'. She's not bloody wrong but what the hell happened to my daughter's modesty.

My parents and in-laws are sensing the atmosphere already and we only arrived an hour ago.

AIBU?

I feel you pain. I am currently on holiday with my 14 yr old DD and her (temu purchased) bikinis. I hate them. BUT, they are really no different from other young women's bikinis that I am seeing on the beach.

I often holiday in France and have never seen anyone topless. Doesn't happen anymore I don't think, it was an 80s thing maybe. Not Montpellier beaches anyway. Never seen an uber small bikini there either.

Also, there's nothing wrong with "modesty". It just means having self respect and also not trying to be the centre of attention. The fact that the term has been misused doesn't mean the entire principle of modesty is wrong.

@FFSTeenagers instead she has bought, without my knowledge, 4 from shein that are not for her curvy build. Barely any material and I'm really embarrassed.

I can well imagine the Shein bikinis, and how inappropriate they are for a 15 yo.

Is it like this? I was at the bikini in Anyone But You.

My mum purloined the bikini I had when I was 17. I was really pissed off - at the age of 52 she looked better in it than I did!

Omg I can’t believe the hate towards the OP on here. Her daughter is 15. Not 16. Not 18. She’s a child with a curvy body (the OP never mentioned the word fat so not sure why she’s being accused of body shaming her daughter too?) in a minuscule bikini and is therefore going to attract unwanted attention from creeps. Her daughter is clearly not life-experienced enough to understand at 15 what is and doesn’t need to learn the hard way if there is a kind and caring mum around like the OP to give her some motherly advice. Not to mention that she is on holiday with elderly relatives, not on a couples trip alone.

Surely we should be teaching our kids to have self respect and pause to think how their choices will be received, especially in an environment full of strangers? We spend years teaching them to be safe online, but surely being safe in reality is even more important.

There will be plenty of time in her life for her to wear revealing bikinis, but maybe not on this holiday and not at 15.

My slim but curvy 16 year old daughter wanted a similar handkerchief style bikini as her size 6/8 ‘uncurvy’ bestfriend, but when she tried it on she could see the resulting look was so very different and not particularly flattering, and she didn’t even need me to tell her that we should buy for our own body shapes, not for what looked good on a shein model. It was a good self lesson for her.

Give the OP a break. She was simply being a caring and concerned mum. And quite rightly so by the sound of it.

I think he might be if he was wearing a mankini.

Least she's not going topless..

Yet

The most thing about that image is how photo shopped the model is.

A lot of posters are overlooking that at 15, this girl is still a child.

I live near the sea and have never let my young son run around naked on the beach, as you never know who might be looking. I'd feel the same way if I had a 15 year old daughter.

Brings back memories of a communal Icelandic sauna where the locals were nude...

I don't get why people are defending your daughter and calling you unreasonable here OP... She's a minor ffs, yes women can wear whatever they like in 2024 and yes fashion is skimpier these days, but she's not a woman, she's a girl, and there are limits!!
Especially on a holiday with her bloody grandparents.
You're not saying she can't have the items, you're saying it's not appropriate - VERY different story.
You're on a family holiday, not Underage Love Island!

And you are of course totally entitled to do that, and you are right it is just a part of the body. On a beach with dozens of other topless women it would never be noticed. An 18 year old as an example has enough maturity to have full autonomy over what she does and wears. But a 15 year old may not understand that men will look and that includes the men she would be horrified by the thought of.

Wth

It's not "body shaming" ffs to admit some things are inappropriate for a 15-year-old child to wear in public.

I'd snap some photos of her and hand her your phone, saying "Is this really how you intend to present yourself poolside? Is this how you want to look? Because you are embarrassing yourself and the rest of the family."

Even if she were, say, 21, it is very disrespectful to dress this way if it makes things awkward for her grandparents and parents. "My body my choice" is absolute bollocks in this situation. Clothing = communication and needs to match the circumstances. She's not an adult on honeymoon.

I head the decline was because everyone takes photos on their phones.
In any case, the problem here is more the privates being on display, isn't it?

No one can see your daughter's vagina... unless they have x-ray vision.

Used to be v common but I haven’t really seen it since the 80s/early 90s either. But it wasn’t as sexualised as this look is. Those ass-floss bikinis are not at all the same as quite normal nudity I don’t think - they’re meant to look like sexy underwear, and I imagine they’re horrifically uncomfy too. Less about freeing the nipple, and more like deliberately packaging the nipple to look like you’re about to start writhing around on a porn set!

She probably meant labia.

OP I agreed with you until you called her curvy and a size 6!!! I have an ED and it’s triggered me just reading that. Ah your poor daughter.

These kinds of bikinis are designed with the male gaze in mind. It’s hard to imagine a less ‘feminist’ way to dress tbh.