Furious with DD's swimwear

[FFSTeenagers]

Someone talk me down please!

On holiday with elderly parents and elderly in-laws - wonderful people. 15 yr old DD has emerged from her room to go to the pool in 5he smallest of bikinis. I can almost see her vagina.

I feel fucking ancient saying this. I hate myself for even feeling like this but she has zero modesty.

I bought her 3 bikinis (together - we went together) from Roxy and Next - lovely ones. Not one has arrived and instead she has bought, without my knowledge, 4 from shein that are not for her curvy build. Barely any material and I'm really embarrassed.

Confronting her has gone downhill rapidly and she's claiming that I'm hardly a feminist as 'she should be able to wear what she likes as it's her body'. She's not bloody wrong but what the hell happened to my daughter's modesty.

My parents and in-laws are sensing the atmosphere already and we only arrived an hour ago.

AIBU?

I'm not sure why you quoted me here. I'm explaining the meaning of the word curvy to people saying OP thinks she's overweight.

And at 15 I had a "slim build" around the waist but I have had the "hourglass" shape since I started developing in my early teens. I have always been curvy. It is a body shape, that's it. And some clothes are designed for curves, some are designed for no curves.

To all the wannabe obs/gyn consultants on the thread, trying to draw smart-arse distinctions between vagina and vulva - we all know what the OP meant. Exposing labia (vulval area) is careless and unnecessary. Exposing anything further up is a whole new level
of (probably criminally evasive) concern.

You all look very clever until you don't. We all know what the OP meant by "vagina" -
so you can stand down.

In OPs defence, regardless of what dress size you are, the trend is to wear your triangle bikini top two sizes smaller, so you get side and under boob, and your pants smaller so that it goes up your crack, or a thong.

I don't care what size you are, at 15, I don't want to see either of those things.

Really? Topless sunbathing was really common until recently. We still see topless sunbathers on our nearby beach (not UK). Don’t see it as much now admittedly, it’s bum cheeks these days.

Topless sunbathing was really common until recently

by 15 year olds on a family holiday with mum and grandparents???

I'm with you OP....except that I have the opposite problem. My daughter is extremely conservative and lopes around in hiking-type gear at all times and is terrified of the sun. I hate to say it, but I almost (almost) wish I had a daugther like yours, who is brazen enough to lounge around with grandparents wearing just a few triangles of cloth held together by string.

Are they children?

This

This!

Oh god not the ones with just string ties at the side and a postage stamp at the front - they should be banned! Horrible - I feel your awkwardness especially with older relatives - bring back the 50’s bikinis - very classy !

I wouldn’t know about the family situation, I can just tell you we would see topless sunbathers of all ages on the beach. I’m not a fan!

🤣🤣🤣

And small bikinis are 100% designed for curves.
Anyone can wear them but if yiu are super skinny with no curves they will just oddly hang

It's shit being female-

Cover up don't show too much of your body
Wear what you want empower yourself
You look like a slut
You look fat
Do as your told
Conform to societies idea of female
Conform to tik toks idea of female

Men -
Put shorts on

You quoted be saying "and you think a 15 year old shouldn't have curves". Which hasn't been said at all.

I do think 15 year olds need to understand what clothes are appropriate for a situation. And tiny fabric triangles that cover nothing and will probably fall off under a bit of water pressure are not appropriate for swimming with your grandparents.

Wear things that make you comfortable and feel good, absolutely. But have some self respect and respect for others around you at the same time. Same goes for people of all genders and ages.

Why?

When did it become controversial to say something doesn't suit someone.

If she is exploding out of a too small bikini it will look awful.

Everyone saying she can wear waht she wants. She is a child, not a mature woman. She shouldn't be parading her bare arse or anything else.

All ages including teenage girls (although mainly older).

I’m in my 40s and brought up in France. Mum and l (together) regularly went topless on the beach. There is nothing wrong with the female breast, or is anything that requires hiding!

To make a big deal of the female nipple, because it is in a slight mound is bonkers!

@FFSTeenagers pinch one of her Shein bikinis and say you’ll wear it. After all - why not eh? Perhaps then she might understand your feelings around modesty.

Obviously YANBU and those saying you are are deluding themselves.
Knowing what attire is appropriate in different settings is part of maturity, and it's absolutely fine for parents to correct teenagers if they're getting this wrong. Not to do so is neglectful, irresponsible and setting your child up for a lifetime of embarrassment.
You wouldn't wear a prom dress to the office, or a tracksuit to a posh restaurant. Similarly, holiday with grandparents should obviously entail swimwear that doesn't show large parts of your breasts and bum. No one wants to see their own family members almost naked. Maybe a skimpy bikini is fine for a weekend away with friends, but not with family.
Learning these things is a necessary part of life and I pity the children of parents who don't understand this.

This one’s got to be by a man, surely! Porn aesthetic for 15-year-old girls is A-OK as long as no icky body hair is visible? Quick, mums, get your teenage girls down to the salon as well, so that the pornified body beauty standards are all properly adhered to!

God forbid that Grandpa might see a bit of actual pubic hair when he’s getting real to the modern, feminist fashion aesthetic of seeing his young granddaughter’s arse cheeks out on show! 😆🤦‍♀️

She's a child and a victim of social media culture etc. When I was this age, I didn't realise how I was actually dressing for the male gaze, many girls don't. I wouldn't be furious with her, I'd be questioning how I'd contributed towards the breakdown of our connection and why she didn't feel comfortable being herself in the first place, being open and honest with me about the bikinis you bought together.

We just got back from Spain and my DD (17) had 2 lovely shien bikinis that she chose, and her nana purchased for her. My neice was wearing something similar to the micro bikini -her top came undone on the flumes, we laughed about and it and moved on. Her nan had a jokey dig at her tiny bikini, and that was that. They're teenagers, that's what teenage years are for. I didn't notice the teenagers swimwear like that. Just got on with our holiday!

Why?

Anyone else feel sorry for poor Grandpa?

I'm assuming it's this kind of thing in which case YANBU