Furious with DD's swimwear

[FFSTeenagers]

Someone talk me down please!

On holiday with elderly parents and elderly in-laws - wonderful people. 15 yr old DD has emerged from her room to go to the pool in 5he smallest of bikinis. I can almost see her vagina.

I feel fucking ancient saying this. I hate myself for even feeling like this but she has zero modesty.

I bought her 3 bikinis (together - we went together) from Roxy and Next - lovely ones. Not one has arrived and instead she has bought, without my knowledge, 4 from shein that are not for her curvy build. Barely any material and I'm really embarrassed.

Confronting her has gone downhill rapidly and she's claiming that I'm hardly a feminist as 'she should be able to wear what she likes as it's her body'. She's not bloody wrong but what the hell happened to my daughter's modesty.

My parents and in-laws are sensing the atmosphere already and we only arrived an hour ago.

AIBU?

Indeed.

The black one is well, talk about barely there. Not sure i'd even wear in the not overlooked back garden! The brown one is more mainstream, seen similar on the beach locally (in uk) on the teens who seem willing to sunbathe when I'm still in a fleece

OP, I totally see your point but maybe that’s because I’m not “cool.”

In your shoes, I’d tell DD you are pleased that she has body confidence and she can now really enjoy the naturist back you’re taking her to later in the week.

See what she says about that.

It’s fine for a grown up, adult woman to decide to wear skimpy bikinis but not 15 year old school girls who are holidaying with grandparents so they feel uncomfortable.

I am with you all the way on this one.

Think I’d be buying her an all in one suitable for school swimming lessons and giving her that to wear- but like I said I’m old!

Curvy means boobs and hips. Not a size. Learn what words mean.

Exactly, I've got really big boobs and I always have had but my frame isn't big. If I wore one of those bikinis then I would look completely different from my friend who is a B cup. Those triangles would just be on the end of my tits. Which would be fine sometimes but not on a family holiday.

She has a right to show off her arse.
You have a right to protect your eyeballs.

The current trend is hideous - I blame Love Island. Bad enough in the beach, but swanning round Sainsbury’s - just no.

YADNBU

That would encourage some men!

I would tell her she isn't allowed to wear them, full stop. Would explain that it isn't appropriate around grand parents. Would say that it is the sort of thing she can choose to wear after she is 18, would explain the sort of reaction she would get from strangers etc but that at 18 it would be her choice. Would take her shopping for new ones. Would tell her to wear t shirt and shorts/leggings on top of it in meantime.

I am the mother of 2 teens. My DD is not much younger than the OP’s and I have shown her bits of this thread to get her take. General gist is that the bikini is probably poorly made and risks a significant malfunction. That such tiny, Love Island bikinis are inappropriate around older family members as different generations have different fashion expectations.

That the buying of extra bikinis and not bringing the bikinis bought with mum is really ungrateful behaviour. It would be different if the dd was over 18 and with friends but she is on a family holiday with older generations paid for by the adults so she should be respectful and grateful for that. Perhaps the dd could wear the Shein bikinis in a private sunbathing space?

All of the above is my dd’s take, just for interest.

@FFSTeenagers I'm with you, there’s no way I’d be happy with my daughter wearing that, thankfully she’s not at that age yet (3!)

You are definitely not being unreasonable, atleast you’ve tried telling her

Surely it’s not body shaming to not want to embarrass the elderly family members with too much on show?

Did you read the OP?

She has had a word and it went badly.

I'm sure she looks lovely and she will not be the only girl in a skimpy bikini, lots of girls wear them. Many only wear the bottoms of a bikini, leaving their breasts bare. She isn't doing that.

I doubt very much she is showing her VULVA (not vagina, gynaecologists have to 'go in' to see that, it's a tunnel). Bikinis are designed to cover that area. I presume she is depilated, hairy bits sprouting around the edges would embarrass me more than not wearing much covering.

You just have to suck it up, op, sorry and all that, and your dad needs to get real.

Because they’re effectively underwear, she doesn’t want to do washing on holiday and wearing each for 2 days will just about cover a weeks holiday (and tbh I wouldn’t wear ordinary knickers that long…)

Is there a chance she wants to wear these for a few 'selfies' to send to her friends, then will maybe bring the other ones out?

I'm sure she looks lovely and she will not be the only girl in a skimpy bikini, lots of girls wear them. Many only wear the bottoms of a bikini, leaving their breasts bare. She isn't doing that.

Again she is a CHILD OF FIFTEEN.

And you think 15 year old should not have boobs and hips?
At size 6 she is surelly slim with normal body development for her age if she got these curves.

ANd mybe one of the grandmothers can join in too!

And no matter how lovely this model looks her body doesn't look lovely. Far too skinny - rib cage so pronounced - yet decent sized boobs so perhaps not real? Worrying that this is still an ongoing image that companies and media think ok.

And in a year she can have sex with a 60 year old and move out if she wants to.
Time to stop controling what she wears.
It's not like she showed up to the funeral in a bikini

Everyone’s wearing a cheeky bum bikini OP so that bit I wouldn’t fret about. The frontal area, I sympathise.

I think 15 is too young to be wearing something that skimpy, and it’s disrespectful in front of her grandparents. Can you at least get her to cover up when she’s around them?

I would tell her you’re really disappointed in her choice, and why. In a year or so she’ll be going on holiday on her own and she can wear what she likes but on a family holiday, she’s crossed a line.

I don't know. I can see the argument every direction. I think I lean towards - every woman can wear what she wants, but she's a child and you have parenting and safeguarding responsibilities. If that is to show her what's appropriate in certain circumstances then so be it. Yes she looks great, but that's a bikini for being over 18 and on holiday with her peers, not for a 15 year old on holiday with gran.

We have a no bikini rule....swimsuits only.

I'd be saying no swimming to your DD OP....your poor parents!

Come on, you’re being deliberately obtuse.

We all know that what would be fairly modest on a small-breasted non-curvy girl would be a lot more revealing on someone with large breasts and a curvier bum.

‘Breasts bare’ 😂😂 genuinely have never seen someone in bikini bottoms only. Certainly not aged 15.

What the hell?