Furious with DD's swimwear

[FFSTeenagers]

Someone talk me down please!

On holiday with elderly parents and elderly in-laws - wonderful people. 15 yr old DD has emerged from her room to go to the pool in 5he smallest of bikinis. I can almost see her vagina.

I feel fucking ancient saying this. I hate myself for even feeling like this but she has zero modesty.

I bought her 3 bikinis (together - we went together) from Roxy and Next - lovely ones. Not one has arrived and instead she has bought, without my knowledge, 4 from shein that are not for her curvy build. Barely any material and I'm really embarrassed.

Confronting her has gone downhill rapidly and she's claiming that I'm hardly a feminist as 'she should be able to wear what she likes as it's her body'. She's not bloody wrong but what the hell happened to my daughter's modesty.

My parents and in-laws are sensing the atmosphere already and we only arrived an hour ago.

AIBU?

I’m not being ludicrous at alll. Surely to god you can figure it out yourself as a woman and a mother by the time your daughter is 15 without turning her vagina into a public debate!

We were all talking about it at the end of term - all been teaching about 30 years and haven't seen such sexualised clothing on girls.
Parents obviously must think it's ok?

Parents are clueless. It's all 'let them wear what they want, don't shame them, validate them!' It's created a hugely warped, individualistic generation.

The predatory males are an issue . Can she, at 15, handle the behaviour if adult men? She may well be underestimating the effect revealing so much has. Perhaps the problem will solve itself once she finds herself being oiled or worse

And in contrast, my 15 year old boy wears nothing but jogging trousers, t-shirts and hoodies. On holiday he wears baggy board shorts and usually a t-shirt around the pool as he's so fair-skinned.
It's depressing what young women feel they should wear to conform to what social media expects.

What was it Hugh Hefner said? Something about feminism lost when we persuaded women that pole dancing was just about exercise, and stripping was empowering.

I totally agree with you OP, It’s called respect, not only for her own body but for family members on holiday with you. Has she not one iota of thought for how her grandparents must feel to see her flashing everything she’s got, I’d be absolutely fuming too. And I don’t agree that at fifteen ‘it’s her body, she can do as she likes’ no she can’t do as she likes, that’s not the way the world works, she needs to realise that there are more people on that holiday than just her and start being a bit more thoughtful and not completely selfish.

Oh fgs. Are you really so naive?

She'd be wearing a rented wetsuit for the rest of the holiday - if I was being generous I would let her have a shorty one.

Also plenty of men DO dress in revealing clothes. Tight gym shorts, Speedos, it's social acceptable for them to walk around topless, those vest tops which are basically holes down the sides

And women don't just wear skimpy clothes for the male gaze. Stop perpetuating that crap too. Women can wear skimpy clothes because it makes them feel good. The men staring and sexualising and assulting are the problem!

I mean I’m sure she’s dressed in more than a bikini at times 😅

But seriously if old men don’t want to see teenagers or whoever in the pushing boundaries stage then don’t look at them 🤷🏻‍♀️

Odds are if nobody made a big deal she would have caved in a day or two asking for or magically found her normal bikinis. She’s being a teen pushing to see how far she can go. Mum reacted grandpa ran away. She got a reaction and a lecture so now she’s heal digging.

Are you really so intent on perpetuating a victim blaming mentality?

It really has. It's troubling.

No, I wouldn't be happy with my 15 year old daughter wearing that but I tend to think that the single thing that would make her want to wear it more was telling her that tbh.

Totally agree with how pornified culture has made these bikinis seem desirable/normal. Really hate how much body maintenance eg hair removal women need to do to wear the bloody things. However, I don't expect a 15 year old to see it in that way and would focus my energy on everyone getting something that they want and being able to get on eg "dd you look divine, but grandad is a bit taken aback at what young women wear these days. Would you mind slipping a shirt on when we're at the hotel?" or something like that.

Make it about the 'it's a family holiday' situation rather than a 'what you're wearing' situation.

How do we know she's wearing it for the gaze of men and not because she wants to avoid awkward tan lines or because she feels good in it?

I've had botox and bought a short dress for an event I'm going to at the weekend and as I said to my mum when she told me I was "attractive as I was" and did not need botox to attract a man - I'm doing it for me, I'd rather inject botox into my eyeballs than attract a man.

You're an adult. Your choice.

I would be horrified if my 15 year
old daughter stepped out in that on a family holiday.

Lmao!!!!!! Love it!!!

Op let her get on with it, if she flashes her vag then she has to live with that!

But seriously if old men don’t want to see teenagers or whoever in the pushing boundaries stage then don’t look at them 🤷🏻‍♀️

The 'old men' that don't want to see it are not the problem - it's the ones that do!
Would you like to see your 15 year old daughter leered over by a man who does want to see it?

Oh but women must always be doing things for the gaze of men and can't possibly feel good about themselves in these things 🙄

I don't actually think you are entirely unreasonable, but your use of the word 'modest' puts me in the YABU camp because it is a term used to control and shame women.

There is nothing feminist about wearing porn inspired clothing. Especially on a child.

She means age-appropriate. She's not asking her DD to go swimming in a burkini.

Oh I see you really are that naive.