Active discussions

Help end medical misogyny. Sign our petition.

Help end medical misogyny.
Sign our petition.

Sign the petition

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Furious with DD's swimwear

1000 replies

FFSTeenagers · 23/07/2024 17:53

Someone talk me down please!

On holiday with elderly parents and elderly in-laws - wonderful people. 15 yr old DD has emerged from her room to go to the pool in 5he smallest of bikinis. I can almost see her vagina.

I feel fucking ancient saying this. I hate myself for even feeling like this but she has zero modesty.

I bought her 3 bikinis (together - we went together) from Roxy and Next - lovely ones. Not one has arrived and instead she has bought, without my knowledge, 4 from shein that are not for her curvy build. Barely any material and I'm really embarrassed.

Confronting her has gone downhill rapidly and she's claiming that I'm hardly a feminist as 'she should be able to wear what she likes as it's her body'. She's not bloody wrong but what the hell happened to my daughter's modesty.

My parents and in-laws are sensing the atmosphere already and we only arrived an hour ago.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
25
Morningcrows · 23/07/2024 19:53

You are absolutely not being unreasonable. There is a time and place. With z group of friends on the beach, maybe. On a family holiday where it will greatly embarrass everyone else is very selfish and not on. Stand your ground!

Yellowbananasarebetterthangreen · 23/07/2024 19:53

@Ottervision surely you knew what I meant? I dont want a view of yours or anybody elses bits ta. Particularly not if my kids or elderly relatives are nearby. Or anybody really. Its just not appropriate.

crochetmonkey74 · 23/07/2024 19:53

AngelusBell · 23/07/2024 19:51

She will, and she won’t let her Mum on her Instagram.

Show quote history

A lot of these bikinis are designed to be worn standing still at a certain angle for social media, not actually worn and used in real life. Can you take that angle and tell her it's moving around a lot etc

Investinmyself · 23/07/2024 19:53

The trend seems to be to wear tight to show of outline of genitals (what we used to call camels hoof) I was at a family destination and lots of teens/20s were wearing tight shorts bodysuits showing full outline of genitals, one was showing her clit piercing - I was sitting on kerb so couldn’t not see it.
There’s a time and a place.Saying you aren’t wearing that you are 15 isn’t shaming her.
She’s a child on a family holiday paid for by Op. If she gets thrush/sunburn etc it will no doubt be Op having the hassle of finding a chemist and paying for cream.

lawnseed · 23/07/2024 19:54

Life2Short4Nonsense · 23/07/2024 19:07

I feel conflicted about this. On the one hand there is a long history of society telling women what they can and cannot wear. This is still going on. Nor do I believe women and girls are responsible for what predators or misogynists do. In an ideal world your daughter should be able to wear what she wants without consequences.

However, we don't live in an ideal world ofcourse. I would argue that with nearly everyone carrying an camera phone in their pockets, it's worse than it was 20 years ago. Your daughter might end up with some photo's of herself online that will mortify her in years to come. She is only fifteen and does not yet understand the full context of certain clothing.

Her comment about feminism also signals her immaturity and lack of understandig of the world she lives in. @FFSTeenagers you ought to show her some lectures from Gail Dines if she really wants to get an understanding of what feminism is. Your daughter has grown up in a pornified culture and she's not even aware of it. She has been spoon-fed a diet of sexual images before she even started to develop her own sexually. I wasn't even aware of how sexualized the images of pop-stars were when I was that age. To me the way Britney Spears dressed was perfectly normal and acceptable and I wore skimpy stuff without thinking about it. However, nobody had a smartphone back then, so I face no consequnces today.

There are many things she does not yet know or understand and this is where an adult needs to step in to provide boundaries and context and to protect her from consequences she should not have to face, just because she is still a foolish teenager.

This

She's going to end up on some sleazy websites for voyeurs. For the sake of safety and dignity I don't think it's wise for anyone to go around like this. It's not an ideal world and sexual violence and exploitation against women and girls is increasing. We're not responsible for this, but let's be realistic. Who wants to end up on a wank fodder website? Who wants their teenage daughter to end up on such a site?

Ottervision · 23/07/2024 19:54

Yellowbananasarebetterthangreen · 23/07/2024 19:53

@Ottervision surely you knew what I meant? I dont want a view of yours or anybody elses bits ta. Particularly not if my kids or elderly relatives are nearby. Or anybody really. Its just not appropriate.

Your "bits" are covered even in the bikini that op said was similar to the 15yos?

PeachPairPlum · 23/07/2024 19:55

My dds wore these on hols - although the youngest was 18 at the time. I was a bit worried around the hotel pool - that fellow guests would think they were indecent. However many others were wearing the same.

But a holiday with grandparents- I wouldn't be happy with . Can you get her a sarong to cover up when out of the Water?

Ironically on the aforementioned holiday i got changed - v discretely - to have a quick dip in the sea when we were on a trip. The dds found this beyond embarrassing.

montysma1 · 23/07/2024 19:55

So depressing that "women can wear what they want, hasnt delivered a generation of young women who dont feel the need to display themselves like sex dolls.

That's not empowerment.
It's not feminism, it's women still complying with the male requirement for women to dress like porn stars to be acceptable.

Young men don't feel required to go to the pool with their baws sticking out. There is no requirement for them to be hyper specialized.

ebadame · 23/07/2024 19:56

GuinnessBird · 23/07/2024 18:22

I agree with doing this but if the bikini is revealing as much as the OP says the daughter must be aware and she doesn't care or she wants attention.

Show quote history

Don't care id still do it.

ButWhatAboutTheBees · 23/07/2024 19:56

Clothes aren't inherently sexual ffs

Society dictates if they are sexual or not

By calling them sexualised rather than just beach wear YOU are perpetuating the idea they are sexual

Catofthesouth · 23/07/2024 19:56

Loving all the pervert posters who are NOT MEN HONEST saying the OP is wrong, a prude, etc, for wanting to protect her dear innocent girl. FFS!

blackpear · 23/07/2024 19:57

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. If she were with friends, that would be one thing, but if her grandparents are embarrassed, that’s not v considerate.

justasking111 · 23/07/2024 19:57

At this age 15 I loved swimming. These bikinis are for sunbathing, I couldn't have swum in them thinking about it. Mind you I wasn't waxing at that age either.

CarmelaBrunella · 23/07/2024 19:57

montysma1 · 23/07/2024 19:55

So depressing that "women can wear what they want, hasnt delivered a generation of young women who dont feel the need to display themselves like sex dolls.

That's not empowerment.
It's not feminism, it's women still complying with the male requirement for women to dress like porn stars to be acceptable.

Young men don't feel required to go to the pool with their baws sticking out. There is no requirement for them to be hyper specialized.

Exactly. Nor do they walk down the high street in lycra shorts going up their bum crack and tight crop tops.

ebadame · 23/07/2024 19:57

FFSTeenagers · 23/07/2024 18:32

She's a swimmer- she lives in the pool and we are gone for 3 weeks.

Show quote history

Fair enough! 3 weeks! Lucky!!!

CarmelaBrunella · 23/07/2024 19:58

Catofthesouth · 23/07/2024 19:56

Loving all the pervert posters who are NOT MEN HONEST saying the OP is wrong, a prude, etc, for wanting to protect her dear innocent girl. FFS!

Quite 🙄

ProperCupofTea · 23/07/2024 19:59

Investinmyself · 23/07/2024 19:12

The one I put pic on was described as a micro bikini. I wouldn’t be happy for a 15 year old in that. Not appropriate for a child to be showing breasts or bum cheeks or outlines of genitals. Once she’s an adult she can choose.

I agree and would be feeling very much as the OP does. I saw a lot of these on a recent holiday and on young teenage girls. When they bend over or spread their legs on a sun lounger (for the tan) you really can see everything.

LlamaNoDrama · 23/07/2024 19:59

Uppity7 · 23/07/2024 18:15

I would also find this really grim. But I think you just have to suck it up. She's not wrong about the feminist angle. At this point, she's made the decision, and I'm sure her grandparents know it wasn't YOUR decision. Just let her get on with it.

Also... she's been secretive about this. She is HOPING to get a rise out of you.

I think all you can realistically do is try to make sure you're accompanying her if she's wearing the bikinis around predatory males.

I would also be tempted to take lots of holiday snaps including her in her dental floss bikinis in awkward positions. Really lean into it. Everything's fine, lovely holiday snaps! Then I would put together an album of large prints including the most unflattering shots of her, and leave it lying around. But then I have a bitchy side.

wtf is wrong with you? Apart from frankly being emotionally abusive

crochetmonkey74 · 23/07/2024 19:59

montysma1 · 23/07/2024 19:55

So depressing that "women can wear what they want, hasnt delivered a generation of young women who dont feel the need to display themselves like sex dolls.

That's not empowerment.
It's not feminism, it's women still complying with the male requirement for women to dress like porn stars to be acceptable.

Young men don't feel required to go to the pool with their baws sticking out. There is no requirement for them to be hyper specialized.

Exactly

RobertSalamander · 23/07/2024 20:00

OhmygodDont · 23/07/2024 18:38

Then don’t look.

Show quote history

What a lovely way to spend a family holiday 😂

stayathomer · 23/07/2024 20:01

Begsthequestion
Everyone is gonna say yabu even though she's basically got her fanny out in public.
Totally this!!

gardenmusic · 23/07/2024 20:01

ebadame · Today 19:56
GuinnessBird · Today 18:22
I agree with doing this but if the bikini is revealing as much as the OP says the daughter must be aware and she doesn't care or she wants attention.
Show quote history
Don't care id still do it.

Presume you are not 15?

Iloveyoubut · 23/07/2024 20:01

montysma1 · 23/07/2024 19:55

So depressing that "women can wear what they want, hasnt delivered a generation of young women who dont feel the need to display themselves like sex dolls.

That's not empowerment.
It's not feminism, it's women still complying with the male requirement for women to dress like porn stars to be acceptable.

Young men don't feel required to go to the pool with their baws sticking out. There is no requirement for them to be hyper specialized.

So ‘you can wear what you want’ was always conditional on thee west what you thought was appropriate. Or what you decided the message behind it was and whether you approved or not.

Figgygal · 23/07/2024 20:02

Iloveyoubut · 23/07/2024 19:50

Can everyone stop discussing a 15 year old girl’s vagina! OP sorry but this Is awful posting this for discussion! Go and parent, get this thread taken down. That’s your daughter everyone is discussing here! Ffs I’m sorry but this is just hideous!

Dont be ludicrous
Rather her mum talking about it than letchy pervs around the pool.

Shes a child FFS Why are such indecent outfits considered ok or feminist? They're playing into the patriarchy's hands if anything
Thanking the gods I have boys

Choochoo21 · 23/07/2024 20:03

montysma1 · 23/07/2024 19:55

So depressing that "women can wear what they want, hasnt delivered a generation of young women who dont feel the need to display themselves like sex dolls.

That's not empowerment.
It's not feminism, it's women still complying with the male requirement for women to dress like porn stars to be acceptable.

Young men don't feel required to go to the pool with their baws sticking out. There is no requirement for them to be hyper specialized.

Exactly this!! 👏👏👏

This is a child and a child should not be allowed to have her body on show, purely for the gaze of men.

This is the opposite of feminism.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In
This thread is not accepting new messages.
Swipe left for the next trending thread