Been told my child is very weird and childish

[Gee54]

I don’t know where to go from here. I got told by a mum in my daughters class that people say she’s very silly and weird. My daughter is 10 years old. How can I fix this? Where to start from? She’s the eldest of 3 kids. I don’t want this to continue into secondary school. Not first time I’ve realised this but hearing someone else say it has upset me. I e spoken to her school and her lovely teacher but they all say it’s slightly immaturity but as a summer born (August birthday) it has been seen in others too. School don’t think it’s anything to worry about and the SEN lead observed her a few months back and said she’s fine and doesn’t think it’s anything ND related. It’s just hearing the mum say this today has upset me.

The card board cut outs this generation is churning out
Mhm.. you seem awfully negative about 'the young people of today'. Old generations complaining about the next is as old as humankind ' But it's just confirmation bias and rather narrow minded. We are a social species, and going around intentionally saying unsolicited rude and crass things to your fellow humans is inconsiderate. Calling a whole generation probably just the girls tho cardboard cut outs merely suggest that you haven't taken the time to look beyond the obvious. There is always more than meets the eye, your loss for not being able to see that. It always makes me laugh when people complain about 'the young people of today', our generation shaped the world for the next to turn out the way they do.

Op knows for herself her dd isn't being invited and she's excluded. she asked the other mum for her opinion. Why are people ignoring that? Why would the mother make up something so random?

The op even asked her dd about this, and she confirmed she's doing that.
It's irrelevant that grown MN women are telling the op that 'they' are still quirky because they are not the DD peer group. The fact is that children are finding this weird at TEN years old and that's not to be ignored.

There is a child in my ds friendship group who is similar. If they're all playing together he is the one pretending he is sleeping on the floor or jumping in their face while they are trying to talk. Over time the other kids are losing tolerance Quickly. There are parties happening where this child is not invited to from the group of 5. Even now I have noticed the other parents in our group have also not had many play dates with him over. It is sad to see but this is a natural consequence of children who rub others up the wrong way.

Op I do think you can't ignore this.

This is all off the back of what a 10 year old child said.

OPs child had now been diagnosed with having ASD and autism.

It’s ironic that if a child said something negative about a teacher the over whelming response would be that they were making it up or it was misjudged.

I know a child that had to be sat down before they started secondary school and told father Xmas didn’t exist.

Children mature at different stages - they are not one borg. There is an expectation that children should he acting like young adults by 10 - yet I was playing with dolls at that age.

Also girls can suffer terribly in friendship groups - even IF they are not talking about pooh.

It does not mean your child is autistic if they dont ’fit societal norms’ at bloody 10

As for "cardboard cutouts", ime children were much more comformist and intolerant when I was at school 25-30 years ago. Children nowadays, especially teens, seem much more tolerant of differences and inclusive than we were. Especially girls - they're no longer required to fit into some super-slim "cookie-cutter" mould to be accepted.

It's really not healthy to raise DC to be people pleasers. It's fine that everyone doesn't like them. It's normal to not like everyone you meet. It is unhealthy to teach a child to modify their behaviour so that people will like them. Especially if it's for something as basic as invites to parties.

This

As long as your kid is happy and has one or two friends that they can be their authentic selves with.
Does being ones authentic self include imposing inappropriate talk on others? Repeatedly saying I like poo, even if your friends don't like it? If someone is a bigot, should they b going around saying offensive things as they are just their authentic self? We have social norms for a reason.

But what if they want to be liked and have friends?

@InnieSweet

As I already said: Unless the child is using bad language, being sexually inappropriate or abusive just let them be kids.

I don't think anyone died from hearing the word poo. We all do it. It's not racist, ageist, or any of the other unacceptable behaviours. I don't know why you are so outraged by it.

@SnappyCroc I think that's because they are taught by SM and the adults around them that fitting in is the goal.

Going up to kids saying you like poo IS inappropriate. The others have grown out of it and don’t find it funny, so it’s socially inappropriate.

I’ve three girls. The pressure off social media to ‘be the same’ or ‘fit in’ has never been worse. This trickles down in to schools so even if they don’t have social media the pressure is still on from the kids that do.

My eldest is 28 - my youngest is 8 and it’s staggering the expectations the kids have on them now.

Don’t we all ? But at some point we need to teach our kids that not every group will
like them, they won’t always be the most popular and that our self worth is more important than ‘fitting in'

Girls can be savage to each other - school can be savage - but girls need to be told to march to the beat of their own drum.

Not modifying their behaviour to ‘blend in'

This is so OTT, it’s fine to tell your child to ‘modify their behaviour’ if it’s not talking about poo all the time. So dramatic

Nah. Poo is more important 🙄

Gosh! And we wouldn’t want our girls stepping out of societal norms would we .. I mean who would ever marry them ( clutches pearls)

@SnappyCroc calm down, don't get emotional.

But wait …. We’ve had 10 pages of autistic diagnosis..

Are you normally so feral in your defence of a 10 year old talking about poo? Give it a rest, kids are fine having their own quirks and personalities but part of growing up is learning when certain topics are neither appropriate nor wanted. The other kids don’t want to talk about poo anymore.

?

I think you may have a misunderstanding of what feral means - unless your saying I’m
an animal 😆 Apologies if your illiterate!

But if you’d bothered to read the thread you’d see I did suggest OP tell her dd to quit it on the poop talk 🫠

What I do have an issue with is posters telling a mum her child is autistic of the back of what a 10 year old child said.

It’s not just the poo though that’s one example. Sencos don’t observe children for no reason and mums don’t ask other mums why dc hasn’t been included unless they are concerned.
I have over 30 girls weekly as a volunteer leader and they are definitely not the too grown up/tik tok variety.
Ops daughter immediately brought X who used to come to mind. On a walk one week she went on and on about diarrhoea to point no one wanted to walk with her missing all social clues to change the subject. I walked with her and she sadly told me no one in her class would play with her - not even the boys and her cousins wouldn’t play with her. Surely it’s better for mum to know than school mum say I’ve no idea why Katie hasn’t been invited to a party all year.

Ironic you’re suggesting I’m illiterate whilst using the wrong ‘your’ 🙄 you seem to still not have read the thread. OP seemed to think her daughter may have special needs, the school said she didn’t and others have just reassured her that the school could be wrong. There’s nothing wrong with that, unless you have something against autism give how hellbent you are on OP’s daughter not having it.

Good grief. At least read the OPs posts and updates. You couldn't be more wrong

I feel for you, I have a late August daughter and she has struggled with school because of the maturity difference. Academically she's always been fine. I think she would have been young for her age anyway but the gap was so noticable...wish she'd been born a few days later!