Been told my child is very weird and childish

[Gee54]

I don’t know where to go from here. I got told by a mum in my daughters class that people say she’s very silly and weird. My daughter is 10 years old. How can I fix this? Where to start from? She’s the eldest of 3 kids. I don’t want this to continue into secondary school. Not first time I’ve realised this but hearing someone else say it has upset me. I e spoken to her school and her lovely teacher but they all say it’s slightly immaturity but as a summer born (August birthday) it has been seen in others too. School don’t think it’s anything to worry about and the SEN lead observed her a few months back and said she’s fine and doesn’t think it’s anything ND related. It’s just hearing the mum say this today has upset me.

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Waterstones has 682 books about Poop. They have 5 for ages 9+ including 1 for teens. There are entire books of poetry dedicated to poop. Also there's the diarrhoea song and Dr Poo from the Viz which definitely isn't aimed at kids. Tell me again random stranger how Poo or Poop is not a topic for 10YO.

You seem almost as obsessed with poo as op's daughter, @Acornsoup !

Not really - v quick google search. Poop is normal though and is def a topic discussed by 10YO I.e. not weird.

The weirdness is not accepting that the other kids are not amused by her antics, and continuing to do it long after the joke's over.

Girlie day and shopping? Hell! Take her somewhere interesting fgs.

Oh do fuck off!

Patronizing and nonsense.

Sounds to me like she's a 10yr old child a child is supposed to act childish, that mum can f off

I disagree completely.

Suicide rates are at crisis level among autistic people, especially among autistic women and girls.

It is not fine that everyone doesn't like this child. It is not fine that her efforts to connect are so misjudged by her and unappreciated by her peers.

It is absolutely vital that everyone who loves this child finds out what is going on so that they can support her and advocate for her, and that includes helping her navigate social norms as successfully as possible, and being happy in her own skin.

We now have a potential suicidal autistic child no one likes….. off the word of a 10 year old child.. ffs. Despite her teacher and the SEN teacher saying she is completely fine - just a little immature. Immaturity doesn’t mean autistic. This thread is bonkers

And I’d like to point out being happy in your own skin actually means moving away from external validation. Being happy in your own skin comes from within.

Waterstones educating a whole new generation of poo trolls 😂odd to be so obsessed with something so ordinary. Shit, get off the pot and get on with your life, no one is interested in anyone else's 💩.

Can I just say, in 6 months or so this child will be different and all will be well.

That spiteful Mum will still be spiteful.

It sounds like your child is struggling socially. Wanting social interactions but not knowing how to properly instigate them. School should be giving some support here, setting up a social interaction group with her and a few peers. They would spend time playing games, learning how to make new friendships etc. this should be once a week over a few terms. You need to speak to school and ask them to put support in place not just monitor the situation.

Talking about poo in public, past a certain age is not appropriate, nor considerate. If Op's dd has an obsession with poo, perhaps her mother needs to help her come to terms with, find out why and help her overcome it, it is not age appropriate. Going round school telling her unsuspecting peers how much she likes it, is self-centred and socially awkward. She is not responsive to the discomfort of others and is not respecting their boundaries. Why should others be made to feel uncomfortable to accommodate OP's dd quirks? Especially girls? I would tell my dc to be firm and assertive in expressing their boundaries and tell this girl that her behaviour is inappropriate and makes them uncomfortable. In secondary, she will just be told to shut up or fuck off.

We have been there with summer born eldest DD - immature and a bit different but it was never commented on by another parent and I would have found that upsetting.
Other children called her weird and she was excluded from her friendship group in secondary school, but she found another one and had friends.
Interestingly, she was later diagnosed in her teens with ADHD due to her lack of focus and terrible organisation which made her feel like she was drowning with anything she had to do, but medication really helped. As an adult, she now thinks she has autism and dyspraxia (which was not picked up on by the child psychiatrist that did extensive tests on her), Autism because she realises she is masking to fit in and dyspraxia because she’s all over the place (always has been clumsy).
I can say however, that she is a lovely adult with a happy life who has done very very well academically, has a job she loves and has a great future ahead of her.

@saraclara I did read the post. I summarised that OP has a daughter who may be ND, or perhaps just young in behaviour, and that another mum has told her that "people" are talking it about it because it's implicitly wrong. I interpret that as bullying because (a) it doesn't sound like there is a genuine issue (b) it's not the other mum's place to comment (c) it's cowardly to tell another person that a community disapproves of her DD (with judgment on the parenting. Whether it's intentional from the other mum is immaterial. It's a poor way to behave.

Yes, absolutely.
The other Mum is weird and immature saying this to you.

There can be quite a difference in maturity between a September-born Y6 and an August-born Y6 and even marked differences at that age anyway.

the SEN lead observed her a few months back and said she’s fine and doesn’t think it’s anything ND related
She/he is trained, unlike that mother.

They suddenly become far more mature when they start secondary school and you'll wonder then where that little girl went. 🙂

@saraclara I'd also ask you to consider what you would think of the intentions of a person who came up to you and said "people say" your child is "weird". It's straight up offensive, even if there is undiagnosed ND going on. And it's triggered anxiety or the OP would not be posting. I'm male, so maybe a different perspective, but I cannot imagine a group of dads thinking this was an acceptable way to comment on each another's kids, or encouraging the OP, if she was male, to think that the dad in question was anything more than a dick.

You’re all really missing the point that OP spoke to this Mum before about her concerns with her daughter so clearly she is someone OP trusts and I really doubt she’s just being a bitch for no reason given that context. Why is it so hard to actually read a thread

She's over-stepping the mark.

I'd ask you to read all of OP 's posts again, where she explains that she's talked to this parent on other occasions wondering why her daughter doesn't get invited to parties etc. The parent has finally been brave enough to tell her what the problem is.

This is not a random parent coming up to her and saying "your kid's weird"

The words chosen were harsh and inappropriate. ('People say she's very silly and weird.') A teacher would not voice concerns, if she/he had any, in this manner. Even if the other mother wanted to 'help'- and personally I feel it sounds like there were other motives in the mix - her actions were wrong. She overstepped badly.

Hardly. OP's spoken to her before about her daughter being excluded. Other Mum hears the daughter keeps going on about poo, thinks OP might want to know (teachers might not be concerned but their judgement is not always right) so other Mum has told her, OP is already aware that her daughter keeps going on about poo. Other Mum probably thinks OP either isn't aware about poo issue or thinks it's typical 10 year old behaviour (it isn't) if I were OP I'd be grateful to be told my kid keeps talking about poo and it's putting the other kid off her. Do any of you seriously think the other Mum wants to have to tell OP this when they're clearly friendly enough that OP has confided in her before? There was a risk that OP would take it badly and not talk to the other Mum anymore, I don't know why everyone jumps to 'other Mum is a bitch' rather than she's had a difficult conversation likely out of respect/friendship for OP knowing it could turn things sour. She's done her a massive favour.

It's fine that everyone doesn't like them
How could it possibly be "fine" that everybody doesn't like this child, @Acornsoup ?
Some people not liking you is just life, but when everbody dislikes you there's an issue. Quite a serious one.
Your insistence that bollocking on about poo to the point that you literally repel everyone around you is perfectly normal is actually quite odd.