Been told my child is very weird and childish

[Gee54]

I don’t know where to go from here. I got told by a mum in my daughters class that people say she’s very silly and weird. My daughter is 10 years old. How can I fix this? Where to start from? She’s the eldest of 3 kids. I don’t want this to continue into secondary school. Not first time I’ve realised this but hearing someone else say it has upset me. I e spoken to her school and her lovely teacher but they all say it’s slightly immaturity but as a summer born (August birthday) it has been seen in others too. School don’t think it’s anything to worry about and the SEN lead observed her a few months back and said she’s fine and doesn’t think it’s anything ND related. It’s just hearing the mum say this today has upset me.

Op clearly isn't arguing that her dd isn't being excluded and not invited to parties.
She'd know perfectly well if this wasn't in fact true.

It was an opinion and not a fact. This is going off what a 10 year old kid said to her mum.

Some kids are always on edge of friendship groups - one of mine was the same. Doesn’t mean she was ostracised for a specific reason - just that she wasn’t popular enough to make the cut for every party. And in year 5/6 the parties really get whittled down.

Its ridiculous that posters are suggest that OP kid is fucking autistic of the back of what a 10 year old kid said.

Really? If a 10yo was behaving like this then I too would be telling my dc to just not engage. In fact there's a child like this in dc class and you know what, he doesn't really have firm friends. Children do find this annoying.

@Suzieandthemonkeyfeet Posters are suggesting the OP at least consider it, based on their experiences with their own autistic children and the fact that the DD’s behaviour rings loud bells for some of us.

I absolutely agree schools can be bad at missing autism in girls - both of mine were 'fine in school' but they were far from isolated cases that the school didn't pick up.

I have poor social intuition and so do my dds and there are some really nice social groups out there with coaches and it's building the understanding of what's going on when you might not have the intuition or be reading the clues.

One of the great things about an ND diagnosis is the ND friendship groups that are run, much higher level of acceptance than normal.

I think op is best placed to know whether her child is being excluded by her peers or not.
She doesn't seem to disagree with the other Mum's opinion.

Do you know ALL children find this annoying or just your kid?

Have you ever read a year 6 class group chat - as that’s full of weird shit.

Believe me, once she gets to high school, you tend to mature fast anyway when you have the peer pressure around you! You might end up yearning for her ten year old self.

I think kids grow up way too fast these days, as it is. They are exposed to too much, too young.

Let her be herself. If you want her to mature a bit then maybe give her some responsibilities that only she can do so she feels a bit adult like. But just let her enjoy herself. She's only ten. :-(

Ignore the nasty woman.

Her child might be being excluded from parties or it might just seem like that as she’s not that popular. Which happens for many reasons. Many kids exist of the fringe of friendship groups - especially girls - and as a mother that’s painful to see.

Maybe OP has took this wonderful opinion to heart and taken the word of a 10 year old girl as gospel.

There is nothing wrong with this child.

I’d pick weird over a card board cut out any day
Really? Why be derogatory about children who manage to navigate complex social interactions without being inconsiderate to others. I feel sorry for OP's dd but I also feel sorry for the kids who she pesters daily with talk about poo. See, there will be others who are also struggling, whether due to family situations, illness, CoL, dyslexia, autism, adhd, why should they have to deal with such silly and rather gross nonsense? Op's dd needs support with her social skills. Repeatedly saying things like that shows lack of empathy as she is satisfied with 'I like poo' being fun for her and doesn't care that others might find it a nuisance.

This. We expect kids to act like adults. They are not. They are weird and irritating kids

How do you know it’s true? This is off the back of what a 10 year old kid has said. If there was an issue the school would have said.

But no - a 10 year and her mum have given their expert opinion and MN had given 10 pages of autistic diagnoses.

And yeah I do think girls should be encouraged to be different than than the card board cut outs this generation is churning out

How do you know it’s true? This is off the back of what a 10 year old kid has said.

Except OP has said she’s spoken to that Mum about her DD being excluded before, and has already had to tell her to stop bringing up poo. It sounds very much like the other Mum has just confirmed OP’s concerns rather than being spiteful. Being different is fine but I won’t be encouraging my 10 year old to go round saying ‘I like poop’

Mum clearly has concerns as she’s spoken to teacher and had child observed by Senco previously. It’s not a case of mum thinking everything fine and a one off comment by one child.
Mum has concerns re her dc and has asked this mum who has been honest by sounds of it.
No one knows if she is autistic but surely better to keep eye on dc and if need be look into it rather than her dc continue to struggle socially.

You want to change your daughter because someone else was an absolute bitch? What is the actual problem with the behaviour?

Offer to become a leader? She will get a place.
Is your DH around. I know you said you have younger children.

You sound like such a great mum 😊

Oh bless her. She sounds very socially
awkward and a lot like my autistic son.

🙄

I agree with this.

@Gee54 this mum is bullying you. It's classic bullying. "People say x about you and dd". It's bullshit to make you paranoid, allowing her to disown the statement that she is in fact making, and to gaslight you into thinking she is confiding a secret kept by others.

Fuck that mum and fuck the insidious nature of this kind of bullying. Unless you see it for what it is, it can really damage your MH and relationships with other people, of whom you become suspicious.

Just digest it for what it was (nasty) and avoid this person like the plague.

There's a wide and very acceptable and appropriate middle ground between 'cardboard cut out' and 'child who approaches kids she doesn't know and tells them she likes poo'.

@Gee54 - my younger DD was not diagnosed with ASD until she was 16 but looking back, the differences between her and her NT school friends really started to become apparent when she was about 8/9. Play dates and party invites started to dry up.

Obviously, adolescence is pretty tricky at the best of times but DD struggled a lot in years 5 to 8 with trying to fit in - a bit more than could be said to be normal. As a poster mentioned upthread, she would try to imitate what the more socially successful children were doing but get it slightly wrong and piss people off instead (deadpan humour was a big one in that regard).

Towards the second half of year 8, we and she began to consider whether she was autistic and started to make adjustments a few years before she got her diagnosis. It was very helpful, and her diagnosis was a relief. FWIW as DD has got older, she has found her tribe and she also understands herself better and what to expect of herself and what not to expect.

So - painful as it was to hear - I think that mum provided useful information that you needed to know so you can work with it.

The child is 10, not 4.

It is not normal at age 10 for girls to talk about poo or for a girl to approach kids she doesn't know with the statement that she likes poo, or to find it funny.

Boys can and sometimes do engage in scatalogical commentary well into their teenage years, but girls do not. And groups of boys who find this sort of topic funny tend to understand that there is a time and a place for it, that is to say, within their own group. You would not find them using poo talk as an ice breaker in unfamiliar company.

A really important lesson is parenting is everyone does not have to like your kid or you for that matter. the world would be very boring if we were all the same.

As long as your kid is happy and has one or two friends that they can be their authentic selves with.

Teaching kids to change their behavior, to be more amenable, to be less of themselves is like telling a woman to smile more. Unless the child is using bad language, being sexually inappropriate or abusive just let them be kids.

In this case even if the DC is diagnosed as ND - what would that change at school? Will the other kids start to be inclusive - no. Will the parents start to send party invites - no. My advice is help your DC find her friends and nurture those relationships. Don't waste your time and your DC MH trying to fit in.