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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

CF Neigbour Using Hot Tub

425 replies

grandmabrown · 22/07/2024 17:10

Summer 2022 we suspect someone was using our garden while we were out as things began to move and on occasions the hot tub appeared used. We didn't think too much of it to be honest, with teenage children (who denied using it) things do often move and we were busy so didnt give it too much thought. Looking back now though that is when things started happening. Earlier in 2024 we went away and, upon return, a friend commented that she had popped round on her way past, nobody answered the door, she heard noises in the back garden and had come in through the side gate. There greeted by a family, using our hot tub and garden, who told her we had gone to X location and would be back on X date (both details correct), they were watching the house for us. When we got back we were baffled, asked around, nobody knew anything. We are part of a neighbourhood watch whatsapp group. We all keep an eye on each others cars and houses when away and update one another if we see anyone acting strange hanging round or any crime. We asked on this group and nobody had seen anything but one of the group members helped my husband to install security cameras and a ring doorbell and nothing has happened since.

Fast forward to now, my street-neighbour, lets call her Helen (as this is her name), and I have always been on a smile and wave basis. I only know her families names from the Christmas cards we send/receive. Recently Helen has been acting off towards me and I appear to be annoying her by existing. She will sigh if she sees me and I have caught her on more than one occasion glaring across at me and pointing at my house while talking. I have become sick of this and asked another neighbour, who I am friendly with, what was going on. Neutral neighbour seemed very awkward and said she didn't want to stir the pot or tell tales. Eventually she said Helen was annoyed at me as I had promised her use of my garden and hot tub for her sons birthday/end of term party but had revoked it and "caused a scene" about intruders, which she know was aimed at her, on the neighbourhood Whatsapp. Apparently the party was due to be when we are on holiday and I had said if she kept an eye on the house they could have full run of the garden but changed my mind, leaving her son with nowhere to host and all his friends thinking the party is going ahead. Helen said we have had this arrangement before and she does not understand why I am changing it now. This is not true. At all. I have never had a conversation with her, let alone offered to host a party for her. I checked with DH & DC and nobody has spoken to them or said they can use our property to host.

I have a million questions for her but don't know where to start. Obviously I now believe they were the family using our garden and it explains how she knew locations and return dates of our holidays. I do not know how to approach this or what to ask. Surely they will deny it. But the outright lie she has told our neighbour is harder to deny. What do I do? There is no way they are using my garden but now I am also worried that, when we go away, our garden may be used. The cameras will alert us on our phones and we can ring the police but I would really rather not cause a neighbour dispute and end up down that route. I am absolutely baffled by the audacity that someone would do this and then be mad about it, without ever even having a conversation with me.

OP posts:
Dinkydo12 · 26/07/2024 13:47

Had similar problem with neighbour who told her builders that it was okay to use our garden and furniture for their tea and lunch breaks! Found out when I took half day. There they were 6 men covered in dust and dirt using our garden furniture. When I challenged them they said your neighbour said it was okay as there was nowhere to sit in her garden! I couldn't believe the cheek. Told them to leave and then got a fencing company to erect a temporary fence while waiting for the neighbour to replace hers. When I also challenged my neighbour she thought I was being unreasonable. She said you are in work and not using your garden! She was also furious that I had put a fence up. She wasn't bothered that our furniture was dirty told me to clean it if I was bothered about it. In the end it took a solicitors letter to stop her trying to access our garden. I would definitely challenge your neighbour regarding the lies. Also inform her that you have installed cameras. The cheek of some people is beyond comprehension.

FrazzledFTworkingMum · 26/07/2024 14:48

who are the 3% who think you're being unreasonable?!
this story is wild! Helen is a lunatic.

Emmz1510 · 26/07/2024 15:08

Sorry how did they know the dates for your holidays? This part I don’t get.
You’re sure one of your DC didn’t make this promise?
This is so odd and and weirdly specific and elaborate story they have made up! Did you post about intruders on WhatsApp? May just be trying to save face by putting the blame onto you but yeah, majorly CF!

NotSureWhatUsernameToChoose · 26/07/2024 15:10

@Dinkydo12 that is almost unbelievable!!!! You must have been gob-smacked at her lack of comprehension skills 😂

BarcardiWithGadaffia · 26/07/2024 15:14

Emmz1510 · 26/07/2024 15:08

Sorry how did they know the dates for your holidays? This part I don’t get.
You’re sure one of your DC didn’t make this promise?
This is so odd and and weirdly specific and elaborate story they have made up! Did you post about intruders on WhatsApp? May just be trying to save face by putting the blame onto you but yeah, majorly CF!

Maybe my street is unusual but of course neighbours know when and where people go on holiday, we also have a WhatsApp group where it might be mentioned, we are friends with each other on SM, we have mutual friends

How is that hard to comprehend?

Even if your friends and neighbours aren't like that you must know that other people are

Northernladdette · 26/07/2024 15:33

I think this post is a work of pure fiction. I just don’t think it’s true, plus the OP hasn’t responded since she originally posted 🤷‍♀️

DaxieTaxi · 26/07/2024 16:08

I want to know how come 3% of voters think OP is being unreasonable!? Is it Helen and her family by any chance…? 😂😂😂

beanii · 26/07/2024 16:22

grandmabrown · 22/07/2024 17:10

Summer 2022 we suspect someone was using our garden while we were out as things began to move and on occasions the hot tub appeared used. We didn't think too much of it to be honest, with teenage children (who denied using it) things do often move and we were busy so didnt give it too much thought. Looking back now though that is when things started happening. Earlier in 2024 we went away and, upon return, a friend commented that she had popped round on her way past, nobody answered the door, she heard noises in the back garden and had come in through the side gate. There greeted by a family, using our hot tub and garden, who told her we had gone to X location and would be back on X date (both details correct), they were watching the house for us. When we got back we were baffled, asked around, nobody knew anything. We are part of a neighbourhood watch whatsapp group. We all keep an eye on each others cars and houses when away and update one another if we see anyone acting strange hanging round or any crime. We asked on this group and nobody had seen anything but one of the group members helped my husband to install security cameras and a ring doorbell and nothing has happened since.

Fast forward to now, my street-neighbour, lets call her Helen (as this is her name), and I have always been on a smile and wave basis. I only know her families names from the Christmas cards we send/receive. Recently Helen has been acting off towards me and I appear to be annoying her by existing. She will sigh if she sees me and I have caught her on more than one occasion glaring across at me and pointing at my house while talking. I have become sick of this and asked another neighbour, who I am friendly with, what was going on. Neutral neighbour seemed very awkward and said she didn't want to stir the pot or tell tales. Eventually she said Helen was annoyed at me as I had promised her use of my garden and hot tub for her sons birthday/end of term party but had revoked it and "caused a scene" about intruders, which she know was aimed at her, on the neighbourhood Whatsapp. Apparently the party was due to be when we are on holiday and I had said if she kept an eye on the house they could have full run of the garden but changed my mind, leaving her son with nowhere to host and all his friends thinking the party is going ahead. Helen said we have had this arrangement before and she does not understand why I am changing it now. This is not true. At all. I have never had a conversation with her, let alone offered to host a party for her. I checked with DH & DC and nobody has spoken to them or said they can use our property to host.

I have a million questions for her but don't know where to start. Obviously I now believe they were the family using our garden and it explains how she knew locations and return dates of our holidays. I do not know how to approach this or what to ask. Surely they will deny it. But the outright lie she has told our neighbour is harder to deny. What do I do? There is no way they are using my garden but now I am also worried that, when we go away, our garden may be used. The cameras will alert us on our phones and we can ring the police but I would really rather not cause a neighbour dispute and end up down that route. I am absolutely baffled by the audacity that someone would do this and then be mad about it, without ever even having a conversation with me.

@grandmabrown any updates?

Please tell me you took the advice of posting in the WA chat?

NessaSparkles0 · 26/07/2024 17:34

Go around her house ask her wtf she is talking about spreading lies, the crazy bitch! Film it & post it on the neighbourhood WhatsApp

IVFMammy · 26/07/2024 19:18

I think this is insane. I hope you were able to sort this out?

ChockysChimichanga · 26/07/2024 23:33

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

EmmaLou51 · 26/07/2024 23:39

I definitely definitely think check this more with your teenage children. If her son is the same age/friendly with your kids then I think either your children or her son making up some untruths would be more likely than a random woman trying to spread lies about such a random thing. If it is her then I don’t know, I’d almost be worried she’s unhinged as that is really crazy behaviour.

Vergeofbreakdown23 · 27/07/2024 08:16

SwirledIntoPoems · 22/07/2024 17:15

Could Helen's husband/partner/whoever have told her that you had given permission and so Helen believed they were using your hot tub with your knowledge and agreement the whole time? And then she thought your WhatsApp messages were a passive aggressive way to revoke that permission? It's so weird for her to have made up a narrative and to be angry with you if she is fully aware that you never agreed to let them use it!

I thought this - OR the son has spun this to his mum and dad? Can a grown woman REALLY be stupid enough to make up such a lie knowing she could easily be caught out?
@grandmabrown Maybe your next message in the group WhatsApp should be along the lines of....

"As you know we are away from x to x - just to be clear, we have NEVER given permission, nor had a conversation with ANYONE to use our garden and hot tub whilst we are away. IF we ever did we would have updated in here. Please let me know if you see or hear anything to the contrary as this is absolutely false"!

PoppysMammy · 27/07/2024 09:15

Wow. There’s some weird people about. I’m really surprised that your friend didn’t stick up for you more when she was told, but some people can be a bit cowardly.

As Helen is clearly on the WhatsApp group, I would personally handle it by putting up another message. I would say that “I’ve heard that the family concerned believed I had given permission and withdrawn it; as this is not the case, I would be grateful if a member of the family could contact me personally. I need to understand exactly how this confusion arose, as I never give people access to my property in our absence - for security if nothing else.” Obviously they won’t, but everyone else will at least understand that Helen was lying.

As others have said, going forward ensure your gate has a lock on it, and definitely disconnect the power supply from the hot tub. I would also have someone I trust looking out for my property. Don’t give out details of dates you’re going away on any group media - that’s just asking for trouble. Only 1 trusted person should know just in case of any issues. And for me, it wouldn’t be any of your neighbours!

NotSureWhatUsernameToChoose · 27/07/2024 09:52

Northernladdette · 26/07/2024 15:33

I think this post is a work of pure fiction. I just don’t think it’s true, plus the OP hasn’t responded since she originally posted 🤷‍♀️

According to MNHQ - the poster is a long-term user so it seems to be above board!! 🤔

Shinyandnew1 · 27/07/2024 10:01

How did Helen know your exact holiday dates/destinations/how to get into your garden, if you were only on a smile and wave basis with her?

Have you been to speak to her?

Are you coming back to this thread, @grandmabrown ?

ChockysChimichanga · 27/07/2024 11:53

NotSureWhatUsernameToChoose · 27/07/2024 09:52

According to MNHQ - the poster is a long-term user so it seems to be above board!! 🤔

The fact that someone is a long term poster doesn’t mean they can’t make up a CF thread.

Every1sanXpert · 27/07/2024 12:42

I would what’s app the road group and say that you know someone has been using your garden without permission. That you have installed cameras and will be calling the police if it happens again for trespassing.

Longtimelurkerfinallyposts · 27/07/2024 12:59

The police will laugh at you if you insist that you want to 'press charges' for trespassing. Trespass in itself is NOT a criminal offence, it's a civil issue and the police will tell you they don't want to get involved.
However in this situation, any hot tub users might have been found guiilty of such criminal offences as 'Abstraction of electricity' (assuming it was hot rather than cold at the time) or 'Criminal damage' (if anything in your garden, including vegetation, had been damaged at all).
And if the police were so inclined, they could use the 1824 Vagrancy Act as well, which states that an offence is committed by "every person being found in or upon any dwelling house, warehouse, coach-house, stable, or outhouse, or in any inclosed yard, garden, or area, for any unlawful purpose".

FinalCeleryScheme · 27/07/2024 13:07

Longtimelurkerfinallyposts · 27/07/2024 12:59

The police will laugh at you if you insist that you want to 'press charges' for trespassing. Trespass in itself is NOT a criminal offence, it's a civil issue and the police will tell you they don't want to get involved.
However in this situation, any hot tub users might have been found guiilty of such criminal offences as 'Abstraction of electricity' (assuming it was hot rather than cold at the time) or 'Criminal damage' (if anything in your garden, including vegetation, had been damaged at all).
And if the police were so inclined, they could use the 1824 Vagrancy Act as well, which states that an offence is committed by "every person being found in or upon any dwelling house, warehouse, coach-house, stable, or outhouse, or in any inclosed yard, garden, or area, for any unlawful purpose".

I love the Vagrancy Act. Proper law. Made after the Napoleonic Wars when vagrancy and disorder were a big deal because of de-mobbed soldiers wandering around.

I was very disappointed when, years ago, the government repealed the Act’s offence of telling fortunes for money. Downhill for society ever since.

CorvusPurpureus · 27/07/2024 13:42

My worry would be that posting explicitly about party rumour on the WhatsApp would be dropping the nice/neutral neighbour in it.

Obviously Helen may have been singing her crazy song to six different neighbours, but if she's only spoken to this one woman, you could be siccing a pissed off CF on the neighbour who kindly gave you the head's up.

I might post saying you've put up CCTV and padlocked the gate and have a friend keeping an eye.

Add that please can all parents let their kids know in no uncertain terms to stay well away, as you suspect local teens may have been sneakily using the tub in the past, & not only are you not happy about that - & you have never & would never allow such use in your absence - because it's absolute bloody CFery, you're worried about an accident happening.

It'll warn Helen off, it covers the bases in case it is teenagers (& it's not impossible Helen's ds has spun her a yarn & she's just a gullible dm, not an actual CF), & it doesn't 'out' your friendly neighbour as a gossip or a snitch.

cazcaz2 · 28/07/2024 07:59

Can the hot tub lid be padlocked shut?I would keep it locked unless using it yourselves- even when home- Trust no one- they might ALL be taking turns at it as their 'right' for 'helpingʻ look after it on watsapp group.Further more, i'd put on watsapp group a fake holiday then get hubby to take kids off a weekend to grans etc & stay home out of sight watching garden with telescope etc and catch em bloody red-handed.!!! Oh & STOP using watsapp group as a housewatch and actually just ask that REAL friend who called that day & caught them in the act or a family member to actually come check everything when youre away.STOP telling all the neighborhood when your house is going to be un-occupied & when.

FortunateCatsGlugDaquirisAllEveningBlindly · 28/07/2024 08:05

Hot tubs! 😬 shudder
Can’t think why anyone would want to steal someone else’s in the first place.
Helen and the hot tub thief obviously haven’t been on any pool or spa courses.

cazcaz2 · 28/07/2024 08:11

It could even be possible at a stretch that your kid has boasted to this otherkithat he CAN come use hot tub on his birthday, to gain popularity,.And then either forgot or didnt know how to tell you then didnt dare tell you at all afterwards??

cazcaz2 · 28/07/2024 08:11

*other kid

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