in trouble with DIL again

[itainthalfhot]

my DIL posts on insta and facebook multiple times a day, always about the baby, baby has been to this class or that event, always happy smily pictures, but they do get annoying after a while.

anyway, i've muted her.. we also have a family chat, and i use this to catch up with things on a regular basis.

i received a message last night asking why i hadn't commented on her post about the fact that baby had chickenpox and that didn't i care about him? i mentioned that i 'must have missed it'...

we'd had a chat on our whats app group earlier that day, and there was no mention of chickenpox there?

so i've had to go to inta, trawl through her many posts and comment! its ridiculous. it seems i can never do right for doing wrong!

AIBU by not commenting on the post?
YANBU she should have simply told me when we chatted earlier in the day?

Ridiculous, I really can't understand the need to post everything on SM, guess the new generation thing. If anything important you message people, whattsapp group etc. We don't all spend our time looking at posts, most are just dire and so boring. X

This is hilarious I’m sure some one has already commented this but… “is this her first baby?” Jesus when mine had the pox it must of been a day or two I hadn’t even mentioned it to my mum, just got on with it and too busy looking after the kids husband dogs and house!!! Blimey.

Clearly you just hate the poor lady. Why have you muted her?

Exactly this. I am not on Facebook anymore because of this. Sick of people assuming you’re sitting refreshing your feed all day long. I do have Instagram but again, if anyone ever said anything to me as nuts as ‘you didn’t comment’ I’d give them a nice short sharp reply. We have close family in another country that kept putting life events on Facebook before they’d even told us. I also think it’s a sign of mental health issues when people feel they have to share absolutely everything they do. Who even cares that much?

i do not hate my DIL. if you want to read the whole thread it will explain why she is muted, i'm not explaining it again.

if i didnt have SM at all, i wonder at what point i would have been told if at all about the CP.

and by the same theory i must also hate every other person or group i have muted on SM!

have a great evening

Are you on glue?

Agreed.

I commented previously that someone has gone in the huff with me because she expected me to put a heart on every single post of hers on FB as well as supportive comments any time she gets herself into an argument.

OP you are not unreasonable at all!! People seem to be being obtuse today! I would also be sick and tired of someone posting constantly on social media, especially if I was being alerted to every single one. You have already explained that any photos of your DGC get sent to your digital photo frame so no, you are not “blocking” photos of your GC like some people have said. If there’s a problem with your GC your DIL or DS should be contacting you directly and not splashing it all over SM anyway, let alone having a strip because you’ve not “liked” it 🙄🙄🙄 I think you’re a brilliant GM by the sounds of everything you’re doing. Sounds like DIL is using GC to get more interaction on SM more than anything.

Threads by stepmothers and MILs, where you can be sure that posters knowingly won’t read the thread properly and will lay into the OP, thus making themselves look dim.

@itainthalfhot I haven't got time to read the whole thread and the all responses here.

But - how is the baby? and the mum? If the child has a high fever and is old enough to have co-ordination to scratch (over 3 months) it can be really hard work stopping them scratching and trying to prevent them scarring. Is she doing OK? If nearby, would she like meals or any food dropped over or for your to get some calamine lotion from the pharmacy and drop them round? Or does she just need a chat if she's stuck at home with an infectious child.

I would offer now. These are all things you could have done before if she'd told you more directly. I'd try to make it clear that you're not on insta so much and you'd much rather have a more direct relationship (assuming you would).

thank you.. baby is fine thank you, hes 6 months old, a bit out of sorts, very few spots and no temperature. as soon as i was made aware, i made all of the above offers but all she was bothered about was that i hadn't commented on her SM post. i've checked in daily since.

Tell her that in future all family issues ie: illnesses and last minute changes of plans or need for a babysitter needs to be done personally, either on the phone or in person. You don’t need this shit!!

I agree. I’d be telling you son and DIL that you simply don’t check social media every day and to please call you with important information.

It is ALWAYS possible to do something "too much", even in regards to family.

There are MANY people who post way too much on Facebook, Instagram, etc. I've muted several family members because of the sheer number of posts they make or share EVERY day (I even unfriended a few because of the frequent posts showing their toxic views).

Sorry OP. YANBU because DIL sucks, son too for not keeping you updated.

NEVER apologize or feel bad for having boundaries or preferences that others disagree with when it isn't hurting anyone.

DIL sounds like an a-hole. She sounds like she expects you to be as obsessed with social media as she is. It also sounds like there's possible narcissism, or even a more dangerous disorder if this type of reaction is typical of her, involved since she made it about giving her direct, viewable to others, attention and did not accept any offer of help. If it was truly about the baby's health, or her struggle dealing with it, she wouldn't have made such a stink about you not commenting.

I know many people who are not actively on social media. Even though I am on quite often, I have muted (because of excessive posting and YES they are family members of mine) or blocked (because of bigotry, bullying, or harassment on their part) quite a few people.

If it's important you know, they should tell you. Anything else seems attention-seeking to me.

Can't understand why you don't want to see pictures of your grandchild. Glad your not my mother in law!

Must say I agree! Anytime a MIL says sometimes on here you'll always get the people who come on and say "oh MIL's can't do anything write on mums names they're perpetually hated" but I don't think that's true.

I love my MIL! in many ways she's a lot kinder to me and more of a mother figure to me than my own mother. I have no MIL agenda. But there are MIL who because of their own actions get hate. But it's all smoothed over by calling people simply nasty towards mother in laws. it's so silly. 🤪 take accountability for the fact you might be the problem MIL

It sounds like she’s lonely and seeking approval by the multiple posts. I did have an issue where my MIL used to not respond to things on social media but would then make a snide comment about it afterwards. It wasn’t very nice and was actually jealousy that she wasn’t involved yet 3 years later she’s still only interested in playing nan when it suits her. I suggest talking to her. Some people have different expectations of social media. Also do you have a link for the frame please, it sounds great.

Tell her to get over herself. And to contact you in the real world not the vitual one. Next time she posts about having no time to 'mum' I'd leave a comment telling her to get off social media then and do real stuff. Or just block her and pretend you've left Instagram or whatever

People managed to raise children and keep in contact with each other without social media so I am not starting now, I would just say I am not using it any more

Very icky and a big safeguarding risk to have so many photos and so much information of a child online.
Poor child will get older and see that his chicken pox was shared with the world.

This time of year it's kids school reports all over Facebook, poor kids have no privacy these days at all. I've seen pages and pages of 'little timmy has been feral again this year', is nothing private anymore.

I think you should show your daughter in law this thread, she's clearly attention seeking and addicted to social media but very unfair on the poor child to have his private moments documented!

Id tell SIL that you are fed up of having to check her Insta.
You have a full happy life & assumed that if something important was going on that you would be told as a close relation, & not to have to find out along with her dozens of pseudo friends.
So please, just copy the message to the family WhatsApp.

So she's expecting you to communicate through Instagram?

Tell her she's a parent now and if she has any 'news' to ring or message like normal people 🤷🏻‍♀️

I can't believe that that you lack such comprehension skills that you've not been able to read the OP does see the photos?

Thank god I don't have a DIL like you!