in trouble with DIL again

[itainthalfhot]

my DIL posts on insta and facebook multiple times a day, always about the baby, baby has been to this class or that event, always happy smily pictures, but they do get annoying after a while.

anyway, i've muted her.. we also have a family chat, and i use this to catch up with things on a regular basis.

i received a message last night asking why i hadn't commented on her post about the fact that baby had chickenpox and that didn't i care about him? i mentioned that i 'must have missed it'...

we'd had a chat on our whats app group earlier that day, and there was no mention of chickenpox there?

so i've had to go to inta, trawl through her many posts and comment! its ridiculous. it seems i can never do right for doing wrong!

AIBU by not commenting on the post?
YANBU she should have simply told me when we chatted earlier in the day?

You do clearly!!

You're obviously pissed off because great granny is able to see great grandson with her grandsons name! Is that why you told OP she probably wouldn't be around?

What an overreaction!

and i wonder how you would feel if one of your daughters wanted to carry on 'the poxy name' and rather than marrying and taking on her husbands name, they agreed that he would take on her name?

its also your name! or are you going to tell me that you don't now have the same name as your children? and all this is because of a man

I honestly can't abide all this rubbish! Why can't people actually speak to each other any more? It's bad enough putting all this minutiae on social media for friends to see - and who really wants to know about a babies life in such minute detail, other than it's mother??? Expecting grandparents to wade through the amount of crap that the OP's DIL is posting, is absolutely ridiculous, so I personally would probably respond when she moans about how little time she has, that she'd have a whole lot more, and an easier life, if she didn't spend so much of it, taking pictures, and posting on the bloody internet! Yes, I know that may sound nasty, but for goodness sake, is this what young Mum's have become? The rate she's going, she'll probably be so absorbed in her posting, that she'll miss her baby's first steps!

@Homedesign123 I think you're getting a rough time on here (although I can't see your deleted comments!)

I don't think OP is being unfair in relation to her DIL. However, the admission that a DIL is being treated with more love because of a name she carries is... unsettling. I cannot fathom treating my children, their partners or their grandchildren any differently because of the name they carry.

Just who do you think you are? What rubbish did I make up? How dare you try and gaslight me just because I don't agree with you. You absolutely did infer that OP has no right to be annoyed. She can feel annoyed all she wants, it's a valid emotion. It's how she deals with it that is important. She's done nothing wrong.

But it's obvious you find her irritating apart from this ("in trouble AGAIN" and all your other complaints)

So what's the big deal with OP being annoyed? Come on, you seem to have all the answers. What's wrong with OP being annoyed?

This is not the new normal.

Tell her you respond to direct messages but don't read everything on social media.

It wouldn't matter to me at all, it's a name. They would be no less my daughters and grandchildren if they didn't share my name? Which is kind of the vibe you were giving. Like he's more important, the chosen one if you will 😂

No... its not the new normal.

I have nothing against people who post daily. I post regularly probably 1/2 a week. But i do think its individual choice BUT its also individual choice whether you mute them or not. Her SM, her choice, your SM your choice.

I haven't deleted any comments so if they are gone, perhaps I did indeed touch a nerve with OP

@rosiers ive said it over and over, i do not treat any of my children or grandchildren any differently, we strive to do it. i merely said or meant to say that we are happy that DIL's child (our GC) will carry on the family name.

but here i am again... defending myself.

@Homedesign123 your comments were deleted by Mumsnet for breaking the guidelines.

@rosiers in fairness I think you'd have to have read the comments to decide if you think she's getting a hard time.

this is the last i will say on the matter because some of the comments have been horrific.

my DIL accused me of not caring about my GC because i did not comment on a post of her SM!

from this people have decided i am alsorts of a person.. i have simply asked.. is this the new normal, do we now have to live our entires lives on SM or am i unreasonable in expecting to be told in person my GC is ill

nothing more, nothing less

So you said something out of line and now want to act like a victim because it didn't go down well ok. I stand by what I said, and that's all I will say on the matter

Hooray!!

I think this thread should be put to bed now. It’s been done to death.

@itainthalfhot the misunderstanding might have arisen when you said DIL was better placed in the hierarchy, and "if anything she gets more love and attention because of an old fashioned value we hold in keeping a name going"

I think it's nice to share a name but not to the extent that it changes anything materially. FWIW I didn't change my name upon marriage, and don't share a name with my DD. I didn't want to give up "my" name, but don't really care about anyone else's 😂

Your posts were so hateful, they were deleted by Mumsnet.

why was it out of line... when a woman marries they take their husband name, and any children are born with their fathers surname.

thats how it is, unless a choice is made for it not to happen. but if you talk to 100 people on the street, when a woman has married they do take, happily, they are not forced to do it. adult women make the choice to take their husbands name!

why is it out of line that this makes us happy? that we like the idea of the family name being carried on for one more generation at least?

you've made yourself look ridiculousl...

thats fine.. i was merely trying to make it clear that she was not treated differently. i maybe made it sound worse but i was trying to get across a point.. that she is loved and cared for. and then @Homedesign123 went off on one, but a simple misjudged comment i made trying to defend myself

Focusing on the DIL because she is the throwing a hissy fit because her Mil didn't comment on one of her many batshit insta posts.

“without coming across as old fashioned.. DIL is probably better placed in the hierarchy as she has produced an heir!”

“if anything she gets more love and attention because of an old fashioned value we hold in keeping a name going.”

Not related to your original question, but those are very favouritist and sexist attitudes towards your children and children in law @itainthalfhot

Maybe your DIL is already upset with you in the background for other sexist attitudes she notices that you might not have realised she can detect.

so im sexist....

and DIL is upset with me for being sexist?

sexist to who?

DIL has had a go at me for not commenting on her social media post about poorly GC and its because i am sexist?

she previously has a go at me openly on SM because i bought her 2nd clothes? and its because i am sexist?

surely my own daughters could call the favouritism card on me, i could get on board with that maybe by a stretch.. but sexist?

this post has just got weirder and weirder... if i am sexist because i like the idea of my family name being carried on for at least another generation.... then i think you will find that half if not more of the population are exactly the same!

Why would your daughters be able to pull the favouritism card on you, which your admitting maybe they would, if you hadn't favoured their brother/ brothers?

and if you did which it does seems you might have even a little 🤏🏻

why might that be? Because they were really good at maths? Or because they were your boys? Sexism.

of course you don't want to admit to being sexist, but you already did with your comments. It's fine.

Also no one is saying you're sexist for buying her second hand clothes you know that. It was the heirachy comment, which again you know.

Someone who's already upset with you in general is more likely to snap at small things because they are already annoyed with you.

Sometimes people don't notice how their general attitudes come across and so wouldn't even realise someone is upset with them for this.

I agree with you that your DIL's attitude to social media is ridiculous though.