in trouble with DIL again

[itainthalfhot]

my DIL posts on insta and facebook multiple times a day, always about the baby, baby has been to this class or that event, always happy smily pictures, but they do get annoying after a while.

anyway, i've muted her.. we also have a family chat, and i use this to catch up with things on a regular basis.

i received a message last night asking why i hadn't commented on her post about the fact that baby had chickenpox and that didn't i care about him? i mentioned that i 'must have missed it'...

we'd had a chat on our whats app group earlier that day, and there was no mention of chickenpox there?

so i've had to go to inta, trawl through her many posts and comment! its ridiculous. it seems i can never do right for doing wrong!

AIBU by not commenting on the post?
YANBU she should have simply told me when we chatted earlier in the day?

whatever

No one would be thinking any of these things if it weren't for the unnecessary details you offered. You've said a number of things that people might consider to be sexist (such as women stay home and do housework, men work or women take men's names upon marriage etc).

It's fine for those to be the arrangements that you choose, in line with your own wishes, but not necessarily fine to suggest that all women should follow these rules, or that they do 🤷🏻‍♀️ instead of being defensive, maybe reflect on why some posters on this thread are forming these opinions. It's clearly not malicious on your part, but some of your language is a bit clumsy.

First I was with the OP, still am regarding DIL who seems to be a narcissist needing Instagram validation like a teenager. But OP I'm quite appalled about the comments you made concerning family name etc. Are you part of the royal family? Then I understand why they weren't happy with the 2nd hand clothes 😄

I could get onboard with this IF the DIL was not the recipient of the alledged favouritism.

i could get onboard with perhaps my own daughters being upset at seeing the alledged favouritism towards DIL and her child.

but it doesnt make sense... that the DIL is harbouring resentment towords me because i am alledgely favouring her and her child? that bit doesnt make sense to all of this.

if you want to call me sexist, thats your right to do so. i do not agree. i agree i have some old fashioned values, but i wouldnt agree i was sexist, but its ok, everyone is allowed their own opinion.

this whole thread has been blown so widely away from the actual topic that its unrecognisable.

and thank you... i believe, after wading through lots of stupid pointless and some very nasty comments, that my DIL's behaviour on this occasion are not what has become the new normal in this mad mad world and on that note i shall bid you all goodnight as i have a busy day tomorrow flying with my she/her other daughter who i clearly show no favouritism towards at all!

oh be appalled... i really do not care! and there is absolutely nothing wrong with 2nd hand clothes (carbon footprint and all that) but ofcourse im wrong about that too i guess

OP, I said yanbu at first but you seem to want to drag this out as much as possible. What are you getting from this thread?

hang on where did i say all women should follow these rules? but do you know what.. you can think what you like now cos i really don't care.

oh im sorry... i am simply replying to questions? am i not supposed to do that? was i supposed to create a post.. and then leave, never to be heard from again and just let everyone rant and rave at their will?

i will not reply again

Tell her you're having a SM break. Or that you've set your phone to restrict how long you're on SM for.
And explain that recent research shows that a SM break is good for mental health

How odd that you get annoyed with multiple posts about your grandchild. It does seem like you don't care too much about them and your son and DIL have probably picked up on that.

Based on what exactly?!

The fact OP gives her money and time?

And she's not mentioned her DS in any of this.

@itainthalfhot "where did I say all women should follow these rules?"

You said:

"i believe a man should hold open a door for a woman, i do think women should do the cooking and the cleaning."

And then you said:

"when a woman marries they take their husband name, and any children are born with their fathers surname.
*
thats how it is, unless a choice is made for it not to happen. but if you talk to 100 people on the street, when a woman has married they do take, happily, they are not forced to do it. adult women make the choice to take their husbands name!*"

As though it is a fact that women do this. Many women don't abide by this.

Unless you now say otherwise, you've certainly given the impression that you think women should be at home and taking their husbands names.

no you have made that interpretation but its fine... have fun twisting and turning words to suit your views and opinions. i have given up caring.

i will not reply again

You keep saying this 🤣

"but it doesnt make sense... that the DIL is harbouring resentment towords me because i am alledgely favouring her and her child? that bit doesnt make sense to all of this"

Then you don't understand how people's sense of justice works.

If my parents treat a child disfavourably and that child doesn't happen to be me, I'm not so blinded by self centred egotism that I wouldn't be annoyed at the attitude, even if it doesn't directly disadvantage me.

To not realise people might feel this way is an extreme lack of empathy.

then people need to stop asking questions don't they! have you ever seen the film pretty woman where julia roberts keeps answering the phone to richard geer, and he says 'stop answering the phone' and she replies with 'well stop calling then'.

i keep trying to leave it... then on comes another person who clearly has not read the tread as long as it is in its entirety.

and i am waiting for an important phone call at 11pm and now have less than an hour to wait.

and before anyone asks yes i really am going flying... well not sure if going up in a hot air ballong is classed as flying... its a gift from one of my less favoured daughters.. and we find out at 11pm if the weather will be good to go up at 6am tomorrow morning ... just for context 😂

oh good lord you are reaching... you really are!

@Bluebirdover i thank you for your support whoever or where ever you are i really do.

if there was a stop button i would press it, but sadly i cannot!

No, we don't 'all' channel our inner helplessness, some of us looked at the job and thought 'how hard can this be' and got on with it. Not everyone has an army of 'support' nor necessarily wanted it!

What a turn of events. Now who looks stupid 😂

i've seen the post now and sent a love heart (sigh) with thoughts and prayers that the little man pulls through ok (a bit sarcastic i know)

😆😆😆

You sound like hard work
So does your DIL
Thoughts n prayers op 😆

YANBU. Why do people put pictures of their sick children on social media, weird attention seeking behaviour. It’s also strange that she expects you to comment on these pictures, even if you had seen it doesn’t mean you’re obligated to comment.

That's totally true. I don't see so much on FB because it's clogged by ads and spam.

@itainthalfhot Your DIL is being unreasonable. Just tell her what the above poster said as they expressed it perfectly.

OP--You are fine. You just fell victim to the "Hate all MILs" gang. There is zero sticking to facts, scenarios are made up out of invisible cloth, and they will ignore anything except how to denigrate and castigate MILs. It's quite easy to pick out that species here. Just read some of the posts in response to you and laugh heartily at the posts that have no relation to what you posted, and they are just so hateful to all MILs, that the truth becomes irrelevant.