in trouble with DIL again

[itainthalfhot]

my DIL posts on insta and facebook multiple times a day, always about the baby, baby has been to this class or that event, always happy smily pictures, but they do get annoying after a while.

anyway, i've muted her.. we also have a family chat, and i use this to catch up with things on a regular basis.

i received a message last night asking why i hadn't commented on her post about the fact that baby had chickenpox and that didn't i care about him? i mentioned that i 'must have missed it'...

we'd had a chat on our whats app group earlier that day, and there was no mention of chickenpox there?

so i've had to go to inta, trawl through her many posts and comment! its ridiculous. it seems i can never do right for doing wrong!

AIBU by not commenting on the post?
YANBU she should have simply told me when we chatted earlier in the day?

ITA! I have heard of "reaching for the stars" but some of these posters are so out there they are reaching for another universe.

Are you ranting at anyone particular with this one? Or talking to yourself? It may help if you use the quote function or @?

🙄

Bore off

@Bluebirdover I'm convinced you're just OP under another username.

You'd both die on the hill that I'm ranting lunatic, and yes I'll admit the heirachy comment made me incredibly angry, but I'm not wrong.

Ok so you're now accusing me of being a sock puppet.

Yes I can see it made you extremely angry, you may want to explore why a random post on a thread done that?

After all why do you care? It's just an anonymous person on the internet?

Look it's a new day, I'm not spending today arguing with you I've got things to do.

I've said my peice you've said yours. It made me angry because I don't want my daughter growing up in a world where there worth is determined by whether or not they produce the heir to someone else's family name. It's ludicrous and unbelievably outdated. But that's my view. You don't share that and that's fine. Have a great day

Great! I think you did say you were leaving the thread sometime ago.

Hopefully you carry it through this time?

You have a nice day.

Ok you do sound like an a*. Chicken pox is not dangerous , but it is a horrible , horrible virus . I still remember having it as a child ,because I was so miserable and sick with it. If my baby grandchild had chicken pox I’d def be sorry for them , and their parents, and sending supportive well wishing messages!

Also, really bizarre that you have muted photos of your grandchild!!

You obviously haven't met my MiL 😁

I married her son. I retained my own family name. DC inherited my family name.

MiL perfected her best cat's bum face in response to that one and refused to address DC by said family name. DH corrected her; she continued addressing DC by the wrong name and me by Mrs Hisname.

The day DC grew old enough to pick up on this disapproval and forcefully corrected her was a very entertaining day indeed. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes!

wowzer.

So the child of your son is an “heir” , which places your DIL higher in the family hierarchy than your daughters, because they failed to produce an heir? Women should do the cooking and the cleaning , and you are not sexist?

I am truly gobsmacked.

I kept my name and my DD has it too! Where do I stand with my MIL? Am I lower in the hierarchy? And how do my children compare to my brothers’ in the eyes of my parents? One of them has children with a hyphenated name, do they also count as a heir? Does my SIL have good standing or does the hyphen and inclusion of her name devalue things?

@itainthalfhot you are reaching isn't an argument

@californiaisdreaming why have you added to this thread? i'm guessing purely so that you can continue to force your views and opinions on me. I am not arguing with you!

my views and opinions are exactly that.. mine! if they offend you, then thats on you!

you are a mere unknown person on the internet who has chosen to take offence at something another unknown person has said and it has nothing to do with the original question.

you can goad, and argue and keep posting all you like so that more like minded people can come and bolster up your ego.

i have not once said your views or opinions are wrong.. i've respected your view and your opinions as just that .. yours!

@Homedesign123 this also applies to you! not once have i disagreed with your own views and opinions and if you have nothing to add to my original question then i have nothing more to say to you (except myself and whoever the other poster was you have for some very odd reason decided is also me.. i'm sure a quick report to MN admin can resolve that issue quickly... as its not true)

so i thank you for your bullying and your time

I can’t stand people who post literally everything. I have a friend who I mute a lot because of constant posts that I know are coming.

I don’t think you have anything to lose with being honest. I would say that you don’t spend your life on Social Media and would appreciate being being told directly about these sort of things. If your Grandchild ended up poorly in hospital, are you meant to keep an eye on your Social Media, it’s pathetic.

Have you not sat down and talked to her? I have always made a point that me and my DIL talk about things. Yes we may not always agree but we're entitled to our own opinions and we respect that.
All you need to say is, you don't always go on social media and you'd be happier if she posted it on your WhatsApp or simply ring. Specify the generation gap and explain you're just not used to it. Good luck xx

Bloody weirdo DIL. If either of my grandchildren are not well my son texts me. THAT. IS. NORMAL. Not checking on bloody social media.

Do you not know already? According to the laws of mumsnet, mother in laws are ALWAYS in the wrong 🙄

I’ve voted that URBU because ‘the baby’ is your grandchild!!
I can’t believe you’ve muted her because you’re ‘bored’ of seeing happy smiley pics of your grandchild!
BUT URNBU to not comment on every post…. I think you need to set a boundary and just say that you do not check insta every day and then don’t have time to scroll through lots of posts so can she please message you anything important like illness!

You've clearly not read the whole thread.

I can't believe you've not read the OPs posts!

Hi op,

honestly you sound like you have some grief with her outside of that pic you didn’t comment on. You decided to mute her as her ways annoys you and she clearly realised that somehow you distanced yourself.
so why are you now surprise that she ask you why?

you both are using the baby to nag at each other. She annoys you coz she do too much. Apparently you annoy her coz you don’t do enough. There is a similar thread and a backstory is. Which I am sure you know. Which is what you don’t say and try now to appear white as a dove 🤫

she is your DIL. If it is so much a hurdle for you to say something nice as her baby (your grandchild is having chickenpox) and she seems sensitive or maybe overwhelmed by it..? It says a lot more about you than her. She clearly looks for a connection with you. Just make the effort in one way or another and don’t dig your heal on the « we don’t communicate the same ». Many generations went through it with no drama 🤷🏼‍♀️

good luck 🌺

I vowed i was not going to comment again but i decided to reply to you to put a few things straight. there is no grief outside of 'the post' not a picture. a post on SM reporting that DC has CP. if you missed it, we had communicated earlier that day, along the lines of my asking 'how are you?' 'do you need anything?' a quick chat about a surgery i am having tomorrow and then the normal 'take care and let us know if you need anything etc'. at no point during this interaction was CP mentioned to me by either DIL or DS. I am well aware of how hard it is to have a young baby and me and DH are making so much effort to help?

You are correct, the constant posts on SM are exhausting. Did you miss the bit where i have purchased an interactive photo frame for her to share exclusively photos of baby, their day, their activities, the dog or whatever else they take a photo of? Did you miss the fact that i respond to these photos? we have a whats app family group which is used daily to chat backwards and forwards??

What do you mean by i don't do enough? did you miss the part where we communicate daily? we visit at least once a week if not twice, when we arrive we ask what they need? food, supplies, housework, babysitting? money? what more do you actually want me to do for her?

Just for clarity... at no point during any interactions did DIL tell me that GC had CP. the first i knew was when she asked me why i had not commented on her SM post and asked 'did i not care about our GC'?

Yes my response to make snarky comments was wrong. but by the love of god what else would you like me to do as a MIL to help my DIL?? because i am at a loss as to what else i can do?

Your DIL sounds exhausting.

A few but not exhaustive list :

• Chill out
• I can’t answer for her which is why I think there is something else, I didn’t call what it is but you kinda answered back what it was.
• accept her for who she is. You can’t give her a frame where she is allowed to be 🤷🏼‍♀️
• find a way to communicate with her that works for both. If it needs to be less then just do it.

please reread my message because you saw critics where I just stated what you said yourself. Also if you can’t take critics, why ask?

you sound at the end of a very exhausting road. Honestly my advice would be, go « no tech » for two weeks so you have some time to work what is the issue and then put your boundaries in place… : « I found a new relief with no tech…I will from now on only watch my phone end of the day…if an emergency please call…etc. » « i decided to leave insta, facebook…etc. I hate it. » or else. Stay away from arguing, asking for validation or feeling oblige to…

Good luck🌺

ok

Children and adults still die from Chickenpox and others can be left with extremely serious life changing side effects. I suspect the OP knew this and it makes her vile comment about the wee one pulling through even uglier. You just don’t say things like that ever - unless it’s to offer sincere good wishes to someone, an adult or child, if they are gravely ill.