1 child families + holidays + I don’t want to watch your kids

[Theseers]

It’s a running joke in our family that we attract the 1 child family every holiday we go on. I have 4 teens/children and I’m single so one adult. Without exception over the last 10 years every summer/beach holiday we’ve been on a lone child has somehow attached themself to us.

Im not a cold hearted bitch, I had 4 kids so I wouldn’t have to entertain them all the time and I get that there are a number of reasons someone may only have 1 child. But that doesn’t mean I want to look after them on my holiday.

We managed to get to day 4 this year before it happened, a boy of around 7/8 edged his way over encouraged my mum. My lot were playing a ball game in the pool and involved him after he gestured for the ball. Fine, but don’t then roll over on your sun bed and start reading your book ffs. He was then attached to my kids all afternoon, the next day we went to the pool in the AM for a morning swim and the beach for the PM, family appears next to us on the HUGE beach and plonks themselves down 20meters away, immediately the kid comes over and involves himself.

Ive lost count of the amount of holidays we’ve ended up having a tag along whose parents seem to be having a lovely relaxing holiday. I have returned children to the parents a few times, but they either just come back or stand there staring at my kids it’s bloody horrible.

Ive got an only child & have the opposite problem, they make friends & I seem to end up with other peoples kids palmed off onto us. Same happens in the park - because I actually supervise/engage with my kid while others are on their phone, I end up entertaining theirs as well.

Basically comes down to lazy parenting whether you’ve got one kid or multiple, nothing to do with ‘1 child families’ 🙄

I always find this at soft play! Mine is not 3 yet so I often charge around with him at soft play having to be a dinosaur or whatever. Nearly every time, another kid whose parent is enjoying a coffee and a sit down will think ‘hang on, that looks great, I’d like some of that!’ will join in so I’m charging around with them too. Sometimes I can then leave them to play together but not always. But it’s just how it is with kids, and occasionally I’ve left my son (still supervised obviously) kicking a ball about in the park with another parent and their kids as he’s run to join in and no one seems to mind. I mean if you bring a ball to the park or their kids are playing in the pool on holiday do they really expect no other child to want to join in?

Yanbu OP. I find the whole child making friends thing awkward as my kids actually play very nicely on their own have their own games they like to play. If they get a tagalong they are often happy to play with them a bit but don't necessarily want them latched on the whole time then it is awkward if they don't want to play with the kid and I don't see why they/I should feel guilty about that.

OP - you say that you ‘had 4 kids so you wouldn’t have to entertain them all of the time’, so just let them get on with it then!

Meanwhile many families with 1 child actively engage with them. They're not the problem here, people not parenting in general is the problem. 🫣

I mean I'm in two minds here. I come from a family of 5 kids and we had a blast on holidays, even if other kids didn't want to play with us we had each other. My dh only has one sister and their holidays weren't as fun. If his sis didn't want to go to the pool, he'd by swimming by himself, where the fun in that. I have no problem with children playing together. Do you have a problem with people joining in for beach volleyball or cricket or whatever. Tbh I've never been on a holiday where any game only involved my nuclear family. People always join in. And our parents certainly didn't hover around and 'watched'. And definitely weren't responsible for watching all 20 kids that were playing volleyball in the pool . So in that I think yabu to dictate who can play what in a pool.
However if you're kids are 2 ,4 and 6 and you're throwing a ball to them and making sure they don't drown and another 4 year old joins in without his mother standing around watching, sure, that would be irritating. Or if the kids were following you to your hotel room and you had to feed them etc. But playing together in a communal area, don't see the issue honestly.

If your kid joined in with another family, as you wish he would, would you then roll over in your sun lounger and relinquish responsibility for watching him? If not then I don’t think you’re what the OP is complaining about. It’s not “nasty” to not want to be responsible for an unknown unfamiliar unrelated child while on holidays yourself.

I don't get why you think you have to watch them. The parents are there in the vicinity for the purpose of watching their child. My DC love making friends on holiday but I don't expect anyone else to watch my children for me and I've never felt the need to watch anyone else's children.

I think underneath this op, you have gone through the huge undertaking of raising four children safely, and are probably exhausted from the job. You need a real holiday but looking out for lots of kids is not especially relaxing and worse still when there are more kids in the mix that are not yours.

The parents of the only child (in this case) with just one child with just one job to do can switch off once they have offloaded their offspring on to you and checks out of keeping them safe. That their lives are infinitely easier than yours, and this is very unfair. You are tired, and need to check out too.

Having four kids that keep themselves entertained is one of the upsides in your set up, so I can see why you are resistant to giving other parents with a much easier life an easy ride on their holidays. I can see that.

We had this at the beach last month. I was playing with my son and a little girl came up. She was hovering round us and getting involved- fine but no sign of her mom. Eventually spotted her sunbathing- she did a half arsed- don’t play too rough. We went back to our spot then the little girl was running towards the sea- her mom was just sitting there and shouted for her brother to get her.
I was ready to intervene but I shouldn’t have to.

I have come across this type of parent too. They are negligent in some ways, and will do almost anything to get away from their own children, and avoid parenting and spending time with them.

As a result, their children become even more needy, pushy and clingy with others (they have no attention at home) they are trying to get their needs met. And it becomes your problem. They are usually emotionally neglected.

We've all come across negligent parents, sadly. OP is far too quick to lay all the blame at those with 1 child though.

Actually yes, I agree. I have two children and one of the worst experiences I had of being awkwardly forced to take on responsibility for another kid on holiday was a family who also had two kids, and both parents and two grandparents were all lying around on loungers! OP would you consider changing your view to generally annoying kids with generally negligent parents, from families of all sizes? Or have you found proportionally larger number of one child families doing this?

In my experience to be fair it is not just only children, but it often is, because I imagine it is hard work entertaining a child constantly.

Parent of the dreaded single child here and my experience is totally different. When we go away we are always actively involved with playing and supervising our child. Usually find it’s the single parents of multiple children that are happy to fob theirs off day after day.

I think people are misunderstanding OP. It’s not the children playing with other kids that she’s complaining about. It’s other children being encouraged to go and play with her “group” and their parents then chilling while she has to manage extra children, and then those parents seeking her family out for a repeat performance.

Nobody has asked you to watch their kids.

This is a really sad thread.

I think its on you if you think you have to watch them. You don't. Any more than you're watching any other kids who is playing in the pool. Sure if you see a drowning raise the alarm but you dont need to be on high alert.

My dc play in the pool at 10 and 13 but I just keep an eye out for my youngest. I'm happy for them to play with other kids especially lonely ones.

I think the only time you'd be responsible is if you offered to take them if you move pool's or go down to the beach. I took a little girl on water slides once because she had made firm friends with ds. I was very careful and paid close attention to her but left my sons to get on with it!!

I find this really weird. So let me get it right: your 4 kids make friends with a lonely child, play with them and befriend them but you hate it because (for some reason) you end up taking this child everywhere with you/ look after them?

I just don't understand. What would you like other parents to do/ What would you like to happen in this scenario? Their kids is playing with yours, they stand near watching? Or actually watching your 4 kids while you relax? Or not allow their kid to come over (as you, really weirdly, seem to have done previously)?

Seems to me its some sort of a bizarre revenge situation. I can imaging bringing up 4 is very hard so this is your chance to get one over those people who have it easier with just one.

I find this a bit strange. Do you not want your children to make friends on holiday?

What makes you think the parents are no longer watching their child?

You had 4 kids because you wanted them to entertain each other rather than you? In that case I’m not sure you are any better than the woman who followed you to the beach 🤣🤣🤣

So don't watch him.

Let him play with your kids if they want him to play.

If you go elsewhere tell him and direct him back to his parent.

I have an only. We've had kids who want to play with ds and come over to us as much as the other way around. Kids like other kids 🤷‍♀️

I loved playing with my child - we were both happy and having fun. Other children, being ignored by their parents (some who thought siblings would just play together no doubt) sometimes joined in.