1 child families + holidays + I don’t want to watch your kids

[Theseers]

It’s a running joke in our family that we attract the 1 child family every holiday we go on. I have 4 teens/children and I’m single so one adult. Without exception over the last 10 years every summer/beach holiday we’ve been on a lone child has somehow attached themself to us.

Im not a cold hearted bitch, I had 4 kids so I wouldn’t have to entertain them all the time and I get that there are a number of reasons someone may only have 1 child. But that doesn’t mean I want to look after them on my holiday.

We managed to get to day 4 this year before it happened, a boy of around 7/8 edged his way over encouraged my mum. My lot were playing a ball game in the pool and involved him after he gestured for the ball. Fine, but don’t then roll over on your sun bed and start reading your book ffs. He was then attached to my kids all afternoon, the next day we went to the pool in the AM for a morning swim and the beach for the PM, family appears next to us on the HUGE beach and plonks themselves down 20meters away, immediately the kid comes over and involves himself.

Ive lost count of the amount of holidays we’ve ended up having a tag along whose parents seem to be having a lovely relaxing holiday. I have returned children to the parents a few times, but they either just come back or stand there staring at my kids it’s bloody horrible.

I don't mind my two children mixing - I think its a nice part of the holiday. They all learn social skills and have fun. However, I don't want to be responsible for others children - so their parents need to be near, especially if we are next to water.

If I get my children an ice cream - I would also say to the others go and check with your parent if it's ok if I get you one too (mainly because of allergies).

It's fair enough If you / your children don't want to operate as above.

I'm not the most social person out of choice - but I value the opportunity for children to socialise, family structure doesn't even enter my mind.

Surprised any kids actually want to play with them 🙄

It also annoys me when they come over to play with my 8 year old, but then try to exclude my 4 year old.

This. My two dc get along really well and play happily together. Until lone 8 year old spots my 7 yo DS and barges over but doesn't want 5 yo DD involved. My DS will try and keep her included but if another child is not ever passing her the ball etc it won't last

Oh god. My DS (age 2) is currently an only child and always wants to play with other kids if we go to the beach or the park. In some ways it's really cute (and there's a bunch of kids he recognises who we see at the park often) but it can feel really hard work and awkward. So many stilted conversations with other parents while you negotiate who is using which truck.

Just remembered whilst on holiday with our only child as a 3 year old an older kid about 6 latched on to our child. This kids parents were nowhere to be seen the whole holiday - eventually figured out who they were - entertaining their other kid in the other pool. This kid had no concept of safety - albeit in the shallow pool - all we could do when we went for lunch etc was bring her to the lifeguards attention and make sure they knew she was not with us and did not know her parents.

So why make it about only children? Many parents of multiple children do this too

To a degree but way less. My two never really seem to seek out others because theyve got their own games going on and they have all these silly traditions and holiday in jokes planned

YANBU. The next-door neighbour does this. She can't be bothered to entertain her own kid, so tries to get our family to do it instead. My dcs play with each other, and us. This little kid is just left alone bored, with nobody to play with.

There are kids clubs, could bring a little friend with them, or anything. You can guess whose fault it would be if the kid got injured or ran off as well op.

At least some of OP's kids are apparently teens. Am imagining them still in arm bands being closely supervised by their mum 😂

I agree.
I wouldn’t be sitting right by my 8 year old, listening and supervising them intensely.
I think it’s reasonable to sit beside the pool and keep an ear and an eye from a distance.

I remember in the 90s befriending an only child at Eurocamp who then had a sleepover with us in our tent! Unimaginable now.

I don't think this is about single child families as such although it's possibly slightly more likely than an only child is actively looking for buddies. It's about parenting.

We've never gone on holiday with SIL but we are 100% certain she is that parent. In her defence, if a child attaches themselves to her and her DS, she's vey happy with that and is really happy to add one. BUT she's totally oblivious to the way her DS can impose himself on other people because she thinks his confidence is great and because both her and DS genuinely don't mind additional children tagging along with them. So she comes back from holidays telling us stories that even hearing them from her perspective, we can tell the other family was getting a bit cheesed off as he'd force himself into their holiday. We've seen it at smaller levels in restaurants - he'll go ove and start chatting away to a family eating their dinner. She thinks its adorable. It's not adorable.

There’s an easy solution. Stay in a villa so you don’t have to encounter any nasty one child families and your kids can entertain each other and each other alone.

I don’t mind at all, It’s not the child’s fault and my kids like to make holiday friends. Don’t think 1 more makes much difference. My 2DS behave better (less arguing amongst themselves) and need less attention from us when we have a tag along. We keep an eye on them all and prefer that they hang about with us rather than our DC being out of sight with their friends family. They often keep in touch via gaming when they get back too.

This is more about parenting but seems to be targeted towards 1 child families.

Reading in between the lines, you feel you have gone to the effort of raising 4 children and one benefit is they can keep each other entertained and you don’t want 1 child families to get any benefit from playing with your kids as they have had it easier with ‘only’ raising 1 child.

I’ll be a bit flamed for this I expect but I think it’s part of a wider expectation some parents of onlys have that it’s everyone else’s duty to make up for their child not having a sibling. We had it on holiday, as one of 4 kids an only would join in with our games (fine) but then come over to share our food, then want to come on any trips we were doing to nearby beach/park etc.

I also have cousin onlys, their parents have always pressured us to include them over the years as ‘you’re the closest thing he has to a sibling’

If you don’t want more kids fine but don’t expect others to pick up the slack

No, she just doesn’t want to take on the job of supervising/facilitating because they’ve attached themself to her family group.

Agree it's about parenting here, not the number of children per family.

And there's a whole spectrum of parenting out there from the helicopter extreme at one end to the neglectful at the other end, and everything in between.

So an additional toddler with no parent in a pool is neglect, but actually once the dc get to 7/8/9 it isn't lazy/neglectful parenting any more, often that their parenting is less helicopter than yours, which is fine, fostering independence.

And with regard to soft play, my dc are long out of that, but actually I found the grown up sized person charging round the soft play area meant for children, far more irritating than the ones sat down for coffee allowing the kids to play independently.

We find plenty of healthy friendships with the kind of people who say ‘hi, if you want a break I’ll watch them for an hour? We could switch then, I’d love to use the steam room…’
Or just joint watch even.
I’m done with the people who think it’s all so lovely and I’m there to facilitate the lovely time for their offspring. There’s kids clubs if they are looking for a play worker to supervise their child.
I went away recently and a few adults rotated in the sauna etc so we all had a turn whilst the children played. I even had a nap one day.

It’s all well and good to say they aren’t ’asking’ you but sometimes you are left with no choice. In my most recent experience, a child whose parents fucked off and left him unsupervised at the pool for several hours so couldn’t be found to be told to take responsibility for their child near the water in a foreign country, and kept encouraging my younger child to break rules he had up until this point been following so required additional supervision.

But what age was he @HelenTudorFisk ?

At our pool, children are allowed to go in unaccompanied at 8 years old. The parent doesn't need to be on site.

I get this sometimes (I have two), not on holiday but there is a (lovely) one child family - my daughter is friends with her, at a group we go to. Often both parents are there…their child attaches themselves to my kids, which is obviously fine, but then I end up supervising 3 rowdy children on my own while the 2 parents of the one child have a coffee and chat to the grownups, enjoy the activity, completely relaxed and oblivious…I don’t really know how to stop it! 🙈

I really never minded mine playing with other kids. Why not? It's good for them. I'm not taking responsibility for the other kids though.

If it's time for me to leave the beach, the other parents better notice their child needs watching. I'm not responsible. If there's ever a 'situation' of any kind, my first responsibility is to my kids, so you better be on the ball.

Some people are very very good at ‘protecting their mental health’ and ensuring they have ‘me time’ I find. Generally these people don’t go and have loads of children. I’ve never had a mum of a large family push a child into my care.
Obviously many many only parents are highly involved, even helicopter parents. However, all the ones I’ve met who create the pressure have chosen to keep to one child to retain their child free time and protect it at the expense of my well-being. I’ve had on caravan holidays children constantly sent to my caravan because mum needs a break/ shower/ to cook in peace and they just think there’s no difference to me already having a group of kids.

If you don’t want more kids fine but don’t expect others to pick up the slack

What a nasty and ignorant thing to say. Many of us would've loved to have more than one but couldn't because of secondary infertility.

But then cue the crying ‘I can’t find mummy’. Do you then leave the distressed lost child on the beach to wander cafes in swimwear to find where mummy is? Or just lost? At 8?
It happens often, parents sneak off.