1 child families + holidays + I don’t want to watch your kids

[Theseers]

It’s a running joke in our family that we attract the 1 child family every holiday we go on. I have 4 teens/children and I’m single so one adult. Without exception over the last 10 years every summer/beach holiday we’ve been on a lone child has somehow attached themself to us.

Im not a cold hearted bitch, I had 4 kids so I wouldn’t have to entertain them all the time and I get that there are a number of reasons someone may only have 1 child. But that doesn’t mean I want to look after them on my holiday.

We managed to get to day 4 this year before it happened, a boy of around 7/8 edged his way over encouraged my mum. My lot were playing a ball game in the pool and involved him after he gestured for the ball. Fine, but don’t then roll over on your sun bed and start reading your book ffs. He was then attached to my kids all afternoon, the next day we went to the pool in the AM for a morning swim and the beach for the PM, family appears next to us on the HUGE beach and plonks themselves down 20meters away, immediately the kid comes over and involves himself.

Ive lost count of the amount of holidays we’ve ended up having a tag along whose parents seem to be having a lovely relaxing holiday. I have returned children to the parents a few times, but they either just come back or stand there staring at my kids it’s bloody horrible.

Yanbu, you can see it happening in the pool; the parent throws the ball over to their child ‘accidentally’ to where DH is playing with our DC. It was ten times worse when we went on a large family holiday last year. One actually said, it’s nice for me to get a break as I’m a single parent, FFS

Why do you watch them? I am with 4 kids at a campsite right now and there is an 8 year old boy tagging along with ours, just as you described .. but i’m not watching him at all. I expect his parents to do that.
And we don’t take him to the beach, we just send him home when we go. I really like it that the kids make new friends on campsites… if you don’t want that then visit a small b&b.

I was an only child myself and i was very lonely. I wish my parents made efforts to get me in contact with other kids on campsites. Tossing a ball accidentally the wrong way sounds lovely to me. And ofcourse when an 8 year old is playing you go back to your sunbed. What do you expect the parent to do?

I only have one child and it's hard when they are on there own but if they do find 'friends' I'd never turn over and read a book if anything I'd give the other parent a break and watch them all and join in the fun in the pool!

No matter if you have one or four your child your responsibility. Some people just take the piss !

Because she wants to watch her own children in case they get into difficulties in the pool? But the other parent has thought “oh great, she’s watching the kids, so I can roll over/have a nap/not watch my own kid because she’s watching him”

I have an only child, very much not by choice. My ds will sometimes find a friend to play with but I'd never just leave them to it, I always watch them.

Could you introduce yourself to the parent? This should might make it harder for them to leave you to it.

I’ve come across this on the other side; we took DD on holiday as an only child and we’d be playing with her a lot because she didn’t have anyone else then another child joins in and somehow we’re looking after that friend too while the parents focus on their other child. Lovely and all but when you’re doing things like carrying your child around the pool and that other child wants you to do it for them to it’s quite awkward. Sometimes it felt like that child wanted to play with us as adults more than DD just because we were actively playing.

but you can watch your own kids without watching all the rest of the kids at the pool too right ?
But yes i understand that in a pool with young kids this is difficult. Mine are mostly playing football and hide&seek together so that’s different. We just don’t take a tag along swimming.

I am always the parent watching all children but I don't mind since I don't trust a parent I don't know to watch mine.. would you feel confortable rolling over sunbarhing when your kids are playing near the water? I don't think so. So no big deal really? You are not responsible for the other child btw, but if he's playing with your's what's the difference ?

We have an only child and we just hover when she finds a new friend. I don’t expect someone else to watch my child for me. I would have no problem with a child wandering over to us and playing away from their parents, I’m keeping an eye out for my own anyway and I want DD to have fun. But it is reasonable for parents to keep an eye on their own kids too. I would expect the other parents to have eyes on their own children given they don’t know us from Adam and have no idea what our child is actually like.

Echoing pp point, I find quite a few kids want our attention rather than DD’s, I’ve been followed around softplay by kids before. People should look after their own kids but I would be fine with another kid joining mine, I don’t mind keeping an eye out because I’m there anyway but I would be put out if I felt someone had passed over responsibility to me for their kid (I’m talking small kids, an 8yr old is perfectly capable of getting back to their own parents when we leave).

She hasn't taken the child swimming. He was already in the communal hotel pool. When they went to the beach, the other family also turned up to the beach

OP, yanbu. It happens to us too. Not exclusive to one child families either. We can happily be playing with our kids then another child suddenly joins in. We look around and their parents are off in the distance. They're like boomerangs too - you send them away and they keep coming back.

You're cross that a child wants to play with your kids? And your kids want to play with them? Or do your kids say"mum, please make X go away?" What exactly happens?

It's hardly like you're actively babysitting or expected to, kids are just playing. Unless it's like a tiny toddler or something? But it sounds like you have older kids and a 7/8 year old probably isn't interacting directly with you or needing complete 100% supervision most of the time, except by pool, sea etc (which isn't your responsibility anyway)

You say you had 4 so they can entertain themselves and in the final para you say the other child's family seem to be having a lovely relaxing time which implies you aren't, so which is it?

You’re right, perhaps all parents with
only one offspring should all holiday at a separate resort or compound, or have designated swimming times.

i mean come on. I get that you don’t want to be responsible for someone else’s kid (don’t be!) but kids have been befriending other children on holiday since holidays began. Great that they have the confidence to go and try and make friends! I’d only really find it an issue if your kids didn’t want to make friends but just because they have siblings it doesn’t mean they have to give any kind of social interaction thé cold shoulder. I feel like if you go to a family oriented resort or camping holiday or whatever this is par for the course. I would never dream of passing off responsibility for my only child to another adult on holiday but I’d absolutely never stop him from trying to forge holiday friendships with other kids.

How do your kids feel about it. Do they enjoy it or not? Can you teach them strategies/phrases to extract themselves if they want?

1 child family here.
DS was quite happy with us, we didn't want to attract your 2+ child family either, thanks very much.
What would be wrong with kids playing with other kids, within earshot/line of vision of both sets of parents though?

You’ve just met poor parents that’s all.

Im used to children gravitating as we have three, one of mine I regularly get calls from a particular parent inviting mine out as an occupier for her single. But all the parents of the children we have come across still keep an eye out, come over and tell us to feel free to tell them bugger off when we have had enough / it’s food time etc and to feel free to send ours over to theirs for a bit too as they have (whatever game)

DD is a single child. Yes, she committed the crime of approaching others in the pool and they played together.
Yes, she may have sought them out the next day.

No - we don't dump her on other families, we look for her when in the pool, we play with her in the pool (and shock, involve other children as well) and we teach her how to see if others don't want to include her and that this is fine as well.

Actually the older she got, the more we find that siblings do stay together and have less external children involved, it was more the 7-10 age we found they would mix with strangers.

I love when my 3 make friends on holidays and wouldn't feel responsible for an 8 year old tagging along.

Different if children are Knocking on the door all day, that d be annoying on hols but playing in the pool together, don't see the problem.

Funnily enough on our last holiday with our only child - my husband would happily play in the pool with them and for whatever reason the 2 of them playing always attracted other kids. Their game for 2 would end up with about 4 or 5 other kids. So aye, us selfish folk going on holiday with 1 geet expect superior larger families like to you look after our kid. 🙄🙄

I have 4 DC too OP and we get this ALL THE TIME! It’s so, so annoying. I frequently take mine swimming (private pool so no age restrictions on child:adult), I have had an almost newborn, a 2 year old and 2 other young school aged children of my own, and had other children abandoned with me while their parents use the sauna, swim lengths etc etc.

It got to the stage that we had to just all leave the pool when it happened as it was too much for me.

It happens almost everywhere we go, and my DC are still little so I like to still supervise them closely.

Op doesn’t sound very congenial. You should be encouraging to children to socialise and make new friends rather than teaching them it’s okay to ostracise others based on the number of siblings they have. Just bizarre.

I have the opposite experience as a 2 child, 2 parent family. The 1 child parents are generally more responsive and responsible and better at interacting with their children as they have to be. Friends in this boat have invited my children to holiday with them (only ever 1 or the other of course) as they say it’s easier and more fun for their child to take a pal. I feel guilty that we can’t reciprocate for logistical reasons!

Stereotype alert but I also find 1 child families more involved as the parents can be older and that child has often been longed for. It’s the parents of larger families who tend to want to offload guy or understandable reasons.

Do your kids actually mind this child playing with them or is it (more than likely) making the game more fun for everyone?

I think this post is unnecessarily harsh on single child families. It isn’t always a choice and, even if it were, it has nothing to do with you.

Clearly your kids are in on the “joke” so just be more direct with them and explain that we don’t play with children from single child families. You could even go a step further and explain that you only kept having them so that they would “entertain” one another.

Your kids could ask people as soon as they meet them “do you have any siblings?” and, if the answer is no, (with your permission) they can push them in the pool / call them names / punch them on the nose and run away.

This morning, I’m going to be having a word with my kids and telling them that if we happen to be taking a “summer / beach” holiday during term time and they should come across a family of 4 children with just their mum, they are not to play with them, under any circumstances because they are busy entertaining themselves.

I understand your point.

But I don't think it matters how many kids you / they have. Even with siblings kids like to make friends on holiday.

But if you were watching your own kids and they were playing with another kid whose parents weren’t watching and the other kid gets into difficulty and starts drowning are you going to go “oh well that’s not my kid, I’m only watching my three”?