1 child families + holidays + I don’t want to watch your kids

[Theseers]

It’s a running joke in our family that we attract the 1 child family every holiday we go on. I have 4 teens/children and I’m single so one adult. Without exception over the last 10 years every summer/beach holiday we’ve been on a lone child has somehow attached themself to us.

Im not a cold hearted bitch, I had 4 kids so I wouldn’t have to entertain them all the time and I get that there are a number of reasons someone may only have 1 child. But that doesn’t mean I want to look after them on my holiday.

We managed to get to day 4 this year before it happened, a boy of around 7/8 edged his way over encouraged my mum. My lot were playing a ball game in the pool and involved him after he gestured for the ball. Fine, but don’t then roll over on your sun bed and start reading your book ffs. He was then attached to my kids all afternoon, the next day we went to the pool in the AM for a morning swim and the beach for the PM, family appears next to us on the HUGE beach and plonks themselves down 20meters away, immediately the kid comes over and involves himself.

Ive lost count of the amount of holidays we’ve ended up having a tag along whose parents seem to be having a lovely relaxing holiday. I have returned children to the parents a few times, but they either just come back or stand there staring at my kids it’s bloody horrible.

What a nasty thread. Some women just don't get past the bitchy playground stage do they?

Ignoring in what way? I was answering with my experience. If yours is different then presumably you would say that?

I mean it’s blindingly obvious but the vast majority of parents of larger families did actually have only or two child families first.

I find this too! And often because the parent of the child who is hanging about with us has a baby. Which is fair enough, if you have a 3yo and a baby then of course you need the 3yo to go play by themselves but sometimes they see me playing with DD and want to join in. I’m not totally against it but it is more awkward to be with another toddler/ preschooler and also DD, especially when they ask me to lift them onto things or if they get hurt. However when DD is older we’ll definitely be happy if she makes a friend on holiday or days out, and wouldn’t palm her onto that family and would still be happy to be involved and play with both children if they want us to.

I don't get it.

The only problem you've identified is parents assuming you're looking after their kids while they stop watching them. That's shit behaviour in any context.

The whole notion that you don't want your kids to play with other children is a bit much. They might not always want to galavant around as a band of four. I have siblings but we loved going off and making our own friends on camping holidays, its part of the fun.

Yabu for taking any kind of responsibility for "watching" a random child.

My only-child is a teen now so wouldn't do this any more but when younger would link up with random othet kids on the beach. That's how kids play. It wouldn't cross my mind for a moment that the other children's parents would feel I was opting out of parenting just because my child was playing with theirs. Once my child was old enough to follow appropriate safety rules without being constantly watched of course I am going to relax and read my book. I'm not expecting any othet adult to do anything for my child, just letting kids be kids.

I think a lot of this is happening in your own head op, maybe you have some kind of elevated hyper-vigilance requirement for your own children and can't cope with other parents having confidence that the kids are alright?

In your experience, maybe, but not in mine. My only child dd was never really the one pursuing other kids on holiday. Other kids did tend to pursue her, including kids with siblings. I know other one-child families where the dynamic has been similar. If you think only children are more likely to attach themselves to other families, it's probably just confirmation bias - you notice it more when they're only children because of your preconceived ideas about them.

Of course, only children like to play as much as other children, but kids with siblings like to make friends outside of their family group as well. I think these stereotypes arise be a the parents of multiples often assume that only children will be lonely and that they will therefore need to seek out other kids in order to be happy. However, the parents of only children often tend to interact with their kids in a different way, and the kids are often more than happy to spend their holidays with just their parents.

My dd was always very sociable and she had loads of social interaction with kids when we were at home and holidays were supposed to be about our time as a family. We didn't need other people's children to entertain her in the slightest.

I'd be annoyed if the parent(s) just got up and wandered off to the bar or somewhere, leaving their child being supervised by me but otherwise, no.

This is what kids do on holiday, I've taken all of mine and sometimes single children have tagged on to them and have taken my youngest without the older ones and she has tagged on to others.

The child isn't your responsibility, if you leave the pool just say to the Mum "we're off now, your child's still in the pool btw".

I have 5 and it’s something I’ve always hated. I have enough, they all get on yet constantly people want to add more to the ‘fun’ and leave me to it. The dynamic is different, someone ends up excluded or upset. It’s never as smooth.
I just have 3 younger ones at home now but what is typical is I acquire a child per child of mine. I’m always ‘already going’ or doing something with three and there’s ’just One more’.
The other day a mum for each of mine tried to tag on swimming. That’s 6 kids. That’s being an unpaid play worker.
I think the root of my annoyance is I never get a break and no one takes my crowd or offers to switch. If I say fine- I’ll watch them half the time then you watch them they are horrified to be left with so many children. Yet they think I’m super woman.
My worst moment was another mum friend with 4 and my 3 went swimming. That’s 7. At the door another mum declared a migraine and dropped 2 on my friend before she could react (form for this). I got guilt tripped to take a friend with a baby sibling as it was apparently too hard to go with a little one (like I did for years…) and then one was dropped off as she thought it was ok as before. Another child was dropped off at the car park as apparently my 8 yr old had oked it (said she hadn’t…). Swimming with 12 kids and 2 adults. Was ridiculous. Yes they were 8 to 12 year old swimmers and every mum swore they were ok alone (over 8 can swim there alone) but the reality was a nightmare. Then of course the issue at home time, you can’t exactly just leave them in the foyer and not care if they can get home. All these mum knew they weren’t getting in the pool for various reasons but turned up with changed children all excited to create pressure and push it. Probably knowing it’s a no otherwise.
That was a learning curve. I now will hand back a crying disappointed child.

We have 2 kids and enjoy other kids coming over when we're at the park or campsite as it changes the play dynamics a bit. I don't even mind sharing snacks, although I do get them to check with their parents it's OK.

I absolutely 100% draw the line with the pool or sea though. I don't particularly like having 2 kids on my own as my youngest is not swimming yet so needs constant attention but sometimes needs must. There's no way I want to add another kid to the mix. It's too much responsibility if something went wrong.

I don't mind doing it. Just want my kids to make friends and be happy.

But I would be annoyed if the parents took it as their cue to have a break.

It also annoys me when they come over to play with my 8 year old, but then try to exclude my 4 year old.

That can be awkward to try to navigate and I've had to be quite sharp with kids when they do that. In my experience it is only children that do this, and it is very obviously done from a place of jealousy - they don't like their new mate playing with their younger sibling, they want them to themselves. It causes no end of tears and stress and it very unfair to my youngest so I have to nip it in the bud.

(Obviously the above is not always the case. There have been some only children who play beautifully with both my kids).

@UprootedSunflower That is literally my worst nightmare. I can't believe anyone would ever think it's acceptable to do that to you!

My 8 year old made friends with a 7 year old on holiday last year. They were playing in the kids pool and I was keeping an eye from my sunbed. They came over and asked if they could go to the adults pool, I said yes but we'd need to check with X's parents, and then little X said 'oh they are not here'. So I had unwittingly been keeping an eye on this child - even though it was a shallow pool there were slippy walkways, slides with steps, random adults and all sorts of other potential dangers. We walked around the resort until we found her mum on a sunbed with a book. She was not bothered at all- I think some people just loose all sense on holiday

It's really sad the amount of threads on here from parents that are pissed off that their children or other people's children are..... shock horror.... playing and making friends. This should literally be the bread and butter of a healthy child's life and yet we seem increasingly more resentful of it. It's really weird. No wonder so many kids are growing up with mental health issues and severely disillusioned with the world

I don't get it, and I'm from a big family and my siblings have large families too. Kids just want to make friends during their holiday.

It's nothing to do with you, no one is asking you to watch their kids. The parents indeed probably sat near you in the beach because they recognise your children and they were getting along with their child. So what?!

If you don't want your family to interact with anyone else during your holiday, then tell your kids to keep to themselves I guess? So much fun 🙄

Having a running joke with your children about most likely lonely children wanting to play with your family is very low.

Surely it's good for kids to make new friends on holiday? We always end up with either a kid over where we are or our DS over with them. Usually they flip flop between both parent groups and it gives us an opportunity to talk to someone new too. But we never just ignore him while he's playing with another kid and we've never had anyone seem annoyed, it's usually other single kids though so I guess we're all happy for our kids to have someone to play with.

On here you often get people insisting only children don't get lonely

Yet we get see it often and parents we know with only children often invite a friend along on holiday.

Friends aren't the same as family and sometimes you don't want someone else's random child around

Ah your family sound nice. Sure you’re raising lovely humans with your standards!

Why don’t you just let children enjoy themselves and you just chill the F out on holiday?

I can’t get past the OP saying she had four kids so she wouldn’t have to play with them. Wtaf?!

This thread is hilarious. Keep em coming OP. Maybe start a social media blog too under ‘four and blessed’.

Friends aren't the same as family and sometimes you don't want someone else's random child around

Fine, so make sure your kids know not to befriend them. OP should do the same instead of sneering at them.

Frankly, as a parent I can't think of many things nastier than getting your kids to mock other children for being on their own.

YABU
The problem doesn't seem to be with lone children, but parents who don't watch their children. They could have 3 or four children and send them to play with yours and still not be watching them.

My DD was an only child- we always encouraged her to try to make a friend or two on holiday but always watched over her and never expected other parents to do so. Inevitably she always seemed to hook up with another only child so it was 50/50 anyway.

I can't really see the point of your AIBU other than you are jealous that some parents are having a more relaxing time reading a book while you are watching your four children- which you chose to have- you would be watching the children anyway whether there was a an extra child playing or not! Or do you expect the parent of the lone child to watch all 5 while you read your book?

This is normal children's behaviour. Kids to play with kids.
There is nothing you can do unless you really want: 1 to teach your kids to tell No and go away to all other kids in public places ( what would you achieve with this rather than raising miserable people)

1. If you are finished with your beach day, you just go ( then no one is bothering you in your car, hotel rooms etc )

It's not about children playing with eachother. That's fine. It's the somewhat neglectful nature of other parents (particularly strangers). I have a 2 and 6 year old so maybe I will be more relaxed when they're older.

But when a toddler comes over to play with my 2yo and their parent is over the other side of a huge building, face down in their phone with a coffee, my stress levels go up. I have my own boundaries with my child. I don't want to take responsibility for another child who often wants to lead my child to do dangerous things or sometimes plays roughly. It'd be nice for them to play if the other parent was nearby and monitor their child's behaviour/safety.

My 6yo I'm fine with playing with other kids but they have form for following us about and their parents aren't in site. We went bowling a while back and the other kid kept asking for a go. Why is he here if he isn't bowling? We let him have a few goes (no parent in site), we then had lunch and politely sent him away. He hovered the whole time until we were finished. It got to be pretty annoying. I let my kids approach other kids but I am always close by to parent them.

The issue isn't the kids playing. It's lack of parents parenting while this happens.

As a parent of one, I find the opposite. I find the parents with multiple children are more likely to send all their kids off to "entertain each other" and not pay enough attention to realise that actually they've usually all split up to pester the parents who are in the pool/doing soft play with their onlies.

But it doesn't seem as if any parent is actually asking the op/others to mind their kids.
The op/others have just decided to do so.

Doesn't it just boil down to different levels of helicoptering/pop assume parenting.

If my kids were say 8 and made friends with other children on holiday, and I then go for a swim, it isn't that I expect the other parent to look after mine at all; rather than I have made the parental decision that my dc don't need watching at this moment and will come get me if they do.