1 child families + holidays + I don’t want to watch your kids

[Theseers]

It’s a running joke in our family that we attract the 1 child family every holiday we go on. I have 4 teens/children and I’m single so one adult. Without exception over the last 10 years every summer/beach holiday we’ve been on a lone child has somehow attached themself to us.

Im not a cold hearted bitch, I had 4 kids so I wouldn’t have to entertain them all the time and I get that there are a number of reasons someone may only have 1 child. But that doesn’t mean I want to look after them on my holiday.

We managed to get to day 4 this year before it happened, a boy of around 7/8 edged his way over encouraged my mum. My lot were playing a ball game in the pool and involved him after he gestured for the ball. Fine, but don’t then roll over on your sun bed and start reading your book ffs. He was then attached to my kids all afternoon, the next day we went to the pool in the AM for a morning swim and the beach for the PM, family appears next to us on the HUGE beach and plonks themselves down 20meters away, immediately the kid comes over and involves himself.

Ive lost count of the amount of holidays we’ve ended up having a tag along whose parents seem to be having a lovely relaxing holiday. I have returned children to the parents a few times, but they either just come back or stand there staring at my kids it’s bloody horrible.

Dd is an only and has always picked up kids on holiday. There's always been more than ours in the caravan/ tent. We've taken them to the beach or park. Drew the line at the pool though.
Dd met a little girl in Cornwall when they were 8/9. She was often in our caravan. They stayed in touch and met up this summer. Dds now 17 and the not so little girl 18 and works in the bar there now.

But again, why are you playing dinosaur with a random child? I mean, be nice but continue as you are. If they want what a piggy back? Then say go and ask your mummy dear. Maybe you're just naturally lovely and children flock to you. This has never been a problem ove encountered.

So why make it about only children? Many parents of multiple children do this too.

It never occured to me to be disappointed my kids make a new friend on holiday. Pretty natural for children to gravitate towards each other I would say, and nice. If you are not keen maybe think of a villa with a private pool.

It’s just lazy parenting. I’ve had bbqs and parties where mums have plonked their bums down for the duration and left their multiple children to run around manically doing naughty things, as if the parenting transfers to the host when they walk through the door. Never invited again, obviously.

My eldest was an only child until he was 7, and we came across this a few times too. It was almost an entitlement of the parent with multiple kids as if they thought, 'oh they only have one child to take care of, they should have one of mine to look after too'!

Yes, I have definitely encountered parents with that mindset.

Why couldn't you just say to the parents "we're happy for little Jonny to play with us for a little bit but please make sure you're still keeping watch in the pool. 5 is too many for me to keep an eye on safely"? Or, if you/your kids really (surely it's their views which matter?) actually don't want to play with the other kid say that to the parents too. I get it's a bit awkward, but better than feeling resentful and that you've been lumbered with another child all holiday.

I agree that this is just part of staying in a hotel and if you're looking for a more private family environment you'd be better off with a different holiday setup.

OP doesn’t have to « manage » extra children though. The children play together, independently. From what she said, I understand her children range from 8 all the way to teens: at this age you don’t watch them like a hawk in the pool (side note: wasn’t there a lifeguard?). The fact that they are playing with another child doesn’t change anything to the level of attention needed.
Second situation she describes: the beach. She said the parents were sitting right next to them. So again, she wasn’t supervising an extra child.

You sound harsh, OP. Nice that yours have a ready made gang to hang out with but other kids are allowed to make friends too and yours can surely rebuff any advances. Also maybe just say to the parent “I’ve got 4 and have my hands full so I assume you’re keeping an eye on yours yourself”. They can’t exactly say “no, watch him please”. Just be upfront. Also I don’t know why you’re picking on parents with one child. Loads and loads of kids making friends on holiday are there with siblings and their parents will be just as keen to palm them off. Not all siblings are best buds or happy to play just with each other.

We always end up being this family too. I don't really mind it. Once you have 4 I don't think an extra one makes much difference.

I have an only, and we often attract another dcs. I don't mind at all. It really isn't that hard and if it gives some poor overloaded woman a break for a couple of hours, it really doesn't bother me.

It's not hard work watching two dcs instead of one. I generally say hello to the other mum.

YABU. Kids have a right to approach and ask to play with other kids in a public setting. And your responsibility is to watch your kids (not others) if there may be danger present. Whether the other parent is being a responsible parent or not is irrelevant.

To be fair only children do tend to do this more in my experience. I mean why wouldn’t they, it’s like single men being more likely to chat you up. Only children like to play as much as the next kid.

I have two dd's and own a static caravan so we're away at least every other weekend so find ourselves in this situation a lot.

We always seem to have children congregating at ours and over the last 4 years my dd's have only been to another families van once.

The 3 standout moments are a boy aged about 5 who just wouldn't leave us, he wouldn't stop trying to mess with our dog despite me repeatedly telling him to leave her alone and then him coming up to me with his shoes that he couldn't get on and telling me I needed to use one of my spoons to put them on.
Another time a child latched onto us and would knock the door at 7am to play, I did get fed up of her so sent them all to her caravan with the instruction that it was their turn to play at their van but they were sent straight back because her Dad wanted to sleep.

Lastly is a boy who we see regularly and he goes there with his Nan, again he spots dd's and comes over with a note from his Nan telling me what times he needs to be sent back for lunch, dinner and bedtime.

Like op I don't mind my kids making friends, it's part of being on holiday but I don't want to have sole responsibility for watching someone else's child while their parents use me as a babysitter.

It's not about one child families IME - we had two siblings attach themselves to us while we were camping this year. I was happy to have them join in to a point but it did start to take the piss.

I've always liked DS picking up other kids. You have to be at quite an anti-social extreme to object to your kids making a friend. If they are in the way, just send them back. Parent not watching at the pool, tell a lifeguard or other staff member.

We had a situation the other day where DS started playing with a little girl and the dad clearly seemed put out, so we called him back - and cue little girl attached to our table, then following DS round. After a few goes of dad trying to fetch her and her running back, he relaxed and left well alone. Kids play, as long as they are safe just leave them to it.

It's really not the same, nowhere near.
Also, are you ignoring all the posts from parents of 1 child?

Society is well and truly down the shitter isn't it? And people are puzzled as to why. Everyone is an npc to that gets in the way now.

I’d wonder over to the relaxing parent and say “Hi, it’s lovely for your son to join in but you do need to watch him in the pool, my eldest two can keep an eye on their younger sisters but can’t be responsible for yours too”

This is definitely about the parents and not the number of kids they have, and YABU for that reason. It sounds like you don’t bother to watch your 4 though when they’re playing themselves though so that’s odd that you only feel the need to do so when they’re playing with another child.

Send each child back every time.
Add a line to the note - Dear Guardian, We have plans. The park/beach/pool looks great though - hope you both enjoy.

Ah this makes me a little sad as we have an only, but not old enough to find friends on holiday yet.

Can completely understand the frustration though so this post is now etched in my brain for when that time comes 😂.

We tend to get the larger families asking to come on holiday with us to share the childcare load over the week 😂.

I have an only, thanks to secondary infertility. I certainly wouldn't expect another mum to keep an eye on mine in the pool, but equally I wouldn't want my kid hanging out with kids whose parent is so disdainful and spiteful about her wanting to join in playing with hers. It can be really hard for only kids to put themselves forward in a social situation – if I thought a parent was sneering at her for trying I'd be bloody angry. You say you're not a cold-hearted bitch but that's how you are coming across.

This.

People are really misunderstanding the issue here.