To remind you to thank people for gifts!!

[SmartyFace]

My young children have recently started being invited to parties and it really annoys me when there is no thank-you for the gift! Two of my DC are twins, and I always make sure to get a nice gift from each of them. On one recent occasion I even had something personalised with the child's name on. I saw the mum about 10 days later, and even in conversation the gifts were not mentioned. It's so rude!! A quick text is not that difficult, is it? Obviously I don't buy gifts because I want to be thanked, but I'd be absolutely mortified if I realised I hadn't thanked somebody for something they'd taken the time to buy for me or my child.

Anyway, I know I'm not being unreasonable. I just wanted to say that if this is you, it's bloody rude!

Meh, there are approximately 35 kids in most primary school classes around here.

I can't imagine a kid writing 35 thank you letters, or sending 35 thank you texts.

Most kids/parents will say thank you when you hand them the gift. That's always been good enough for me 🤷‍♀️

It’s totally normal for school friends parties to have no thank you messages after the party itself. 3 kids here, all late teens, that’s a lot of parties - I’ve never once received a specific present thank you message. Which doesn’t bother me in the slightest. I think it’s - in my opinion rightly - assumed that the thank you at handing over is the thank you.

I agree with you on the principle. Once upon a time it would have been thank you letters. These days a text from the mum is fine, but it should be individual. Yes, we all have a lot to do, but it's basic manners and part of the deal for being given gifts.

Personally I find the catch all message to the entire WhatsApp group "thank you all for coming, Imogen had a great time and thank you all for her presents" just poor.

Then again. I also don't agree with parents who allow free for all opening so they don't even know who things are from!

Having said all that, I don't think what you give should affect the response. It's your choice to do something e.g. personalised, they didn't ask for it.

Really! That's just not how I was brought up. I think it's so rude. I have to say, of about 10 parties so far I have had 6-7 thank you messages. I'd like to think that most people still think like I do.

Children’s parties are carnage. Your personalised gifts won’t have made a tiny dent in the mum’s consciousness. She’s probably still in recovery.

Don't they say thank you when they receive them at the party?

So you're moaning because only 3 or 4 didn't?

My thoughts exactly.

A thank you text to the group chat is the norm but I don't judge when I don't get one - there's always a thank you for coming and a thank you for the gift at the party itself.

The parents have suffered enough, and then their reward is 20 new toys that they need to find room for. <shudder>

I usually make a note when my DC open their presents - who each thing was from. Then the next day I spend maybe half an hour sending individual messages. "X loved their writing set, it was really kind of you" etc. It's not a lot of effort.

The personalised thing was just to make the point that I don't just give a packet of sweets or something - I actually put thought in. I'm not expecting them to gush over my generosity or anything like that! But an acknowledgement would be nice.

This is my thought too, OP did the child not thank you (or your child) when they received the gift? I wouldn’t expect another thank you. Yes, it’s sweet to get a text but I wouldn’t be upset to not get a second thank you.

No thank you is poor, but I consider a catch all message to the entire WhatsApp group "thank you all for coming, Imogen had a great time and thank you all for her presents" more than adequate.

Yep - individual is better but that would definitely suffice

But surely a packet of sweets would be just as worthy of thanks, so I still don't understand why you're mentioning the 'personalised' gift?

I would expect the kid to say thank you on the day when handed the gift. But if it was a little kids party then they would be getting lots of inexpensive gifts so I wouldn't expect a thank you card.
I think kids and adults should send thank you cards to close friends and family and for larger gifts. And I always send thank you cards to people if they invite me to their home for a meal.

I thought a thank you in person at the time was fine. As long as you say thank you at some point I don't see the need for umpteen thank yous and never expected them either.

Yes, that's true. I suppose my point was that the effort it would have taken to say thank you would have been much less than the effort I went to in getting the gift? Maybe just me.

Things like this take the joy out of something quite simple and sweet. I I just want hi, they had a great time, here's some cake to take home, thanks for coming and for the gift. It is a good exchange, party fun and a gift.

To extended family members at Christmas and birthday, YANBU.

Following a KS1 party, which is generally bloody chaos with masses of children, YABU.

Anyway, I know I'm not being unreasonable.

This did make me laugh. You sound very cocksure 😁

A thank you at the time has always been more than enough for me.

I find it more genuine anyway face to face, rather than knowing that a parent has sat down and tasked themselves with doing all the thank yous.

OMG I've just had a thought.

Do you also expect teachers to send personal thank yous for all their end of term presents?

I mean, I did try to when they were younger. But recently my DD had people over for her birthday and ran upstairs with them and presents. She told me she said thanks to the kids. But I've got no idea who gave what!

Glad you've got half an hour to fanny about sending texts...

We just had our sons party yesterday I’ve just texted 20 thank you messages… really didn’t take long at all. Yanbu

YABVU.

For presents given in person, as they are at a party, you thank in person. Just as you(r child) thanks the host for the party in person.

A thank you isn’t more genuine or valuable if it’s don’t over text. It’s just more performative.

The effort you went to in getting the gift was almost certainly less than the effort the hosts went to in hosting the party.