To remind you to thank people for gifts!!

[SmartyFace]

My young children have recently started being invited to parties and it really annoys me when there is no thank-you for the gift! Two of my DC are twins, and I always make sure to get a nice gift from each of them. On one recent occasion I even had something personalised with the child's name on. I saw the mum about 10 days later, and even in conversation the gifts were not mentioned. It's so rude!! A quick text is not that difficult, is it? Obviously I don't buy gifts because I want to be thanked, but I'd be absolutely mortified if I realised I hadn't thanked somebody for something they'd taken the time to buy for me or my child.

Anyway, I know I'm not being unreasonable. I just wanted to say that if this is you, it's bloody rude!

Never sent one for my own or my kids gifts

We thank in person when we receive a gift - why is that not good enough?
Never seen a need to send a second thankyou days later.

I've raised 4 kids and done some huge birthday parties. My kids said thank you for coming/for any presents when their friends arrived on the first 10-15 mines and that was that.

A thank you on the day fine, no I dont need an additional thank you after the event

At my kids last party we invited the class (~ 20 kids; some siblings showed up etc). We didn’t open gifts at the party, we unloaded them home and then I went to unload the other party stuff. I was gone may be 3-4 mins- during that time all gifts were ripped into and mixed up; out of gift bags, wrappers etc. no chance to figure out what’s from whom and what to thank for.

I always used to text the parents and thank them for the gift after they’d been opened. It’s standard manners. As a kid I was made to talk on the phone to relatives who had sent Christmas gifts, it was cringe when you’re 10yrs old but my parents were big on that and so I have always been big on thanking people. It doesn’t take more than 30 seconds to send a thank you text, so I don’t buy the fact parents are too busy. I was a single parent working a very busy job but managed to find 30 seconds per parent to send a text. You can even copy and paste and keep it general if you’re short of time. I don’t think it’s enough to say thanks as you’re handed the gift, it’s nice to say thanks so much for the lovely doll, Katie loves Barbies and is already having a lot of fun playing with her new doll. Thanks again for coming. Repeat.

My child will always say thank you when receiving a gift. You’re rather high maintenance OP

But you can keep the text general and still thank the parent. I used to make sure we knew who gifted what as I learned that lesson early on with my first DC so made sure they checked labels and knew who had gifted what. And yes I made a list but if I wasn’t sure on any I kept the text general.

I've got adult friends who don't even say thankyou . I find it rude

So those who think a thank you at the time will suffice - if your friends brought gifts to a birthday meal wouldn’t you text them afterwards when you’d opened them to say thanks for the thoughtful gift etc, I will really enjoy using this etc? It’s nice to acknowledge what they bought surely?

Well mine are 10 years past that stage but I wouldn't have had the phone numbers of the parents to text anyway!

I think a thank you at the time is fine.

I can remember presents were all sorts, sweets, a fiver, a recycled book, no gift etc. a personalised present would have stood out so you might have got an extra thank you when the DCs were collected just for effort!

I'm never sure why "that's how I was brought up" is thought to add some kind of extra weight to your argument.

Three kids here all grown up now. Kids said "Thank you" when given the presents and "Thank you for coming" when the kids went home.

FWIW I was never bothered by personalised thank yous from parents. "He'll really enjoy ... " is so formulaic; it really isn't adding anything.

Things seemed to change now, I use to text every single parent thanks them for the gift and attach photo of my daughter holding the present ( when opened it) But now because I set up WhatsApp group for all have replied to come so after the party on same day will thanks everyone on the birthday party WhatsApp group but I will still send thank and picture private for ones we are very close her holding gifts.

Also good thing about party WhatsApp group everyone will put all pictures they have taken on the party. And everyone seems to do the same thanks everyone at the same time and also I do party bags she will gives all her guests when they leaves and thanks them for coming to her party.

Do you write or text to thank them for the party?

Yes this is how I feel too.

I mentioned that it was how I was brought up because I'm sure in the past, it was the done (polite) thing. I think it's quite sad that people don't have basic manners now.

I see that most of Mumsnet disagrees with me but this is a hill I will die on 😆

I thank them as we leave, because the party is finished. Them thanking us for a gift that hasn't actually been opened yet is not the same!

I do the something open one by one and write down and take picture with her. And used to text parents individually to thanks them but now everyone thanks on WhatsApp group for the party and share all pictures they took.
I will still text parents were close and sent picture of her holding open gift but not for everyone. I know things change I'm like you old fashioned manners

I think you have more disappointment ahead of you then...

I guess this is society now, the world of group texts where you can thank everyone in seconds, or some don’t ever bother with that. For me it’s worth investing some time in thanking people for the gift after it’s been opened, not just a general thanks for it’s handed over. I have family members who don’t even text to say thanks for my birthday card and voucher, now that is very rude. It makes me not want to bother in future, I don’t even know for sure it’s arrived either, so can’t chase up with the company etc. Makes you wonder what the point is in going to the effort of searching for a personal gift you know someone will like if they aren’t even going to acknowledge that effort.

My close friends and I are the same with manners thankfully, we message and say how much we like the gift once opened, you know me to well etc, I’ll wear this for x event or that will be so snuggly on those cold winter nights etc. Its not the same to say thanks for the gifts when exchanged. It’s a shame so many don’t feel the need to do this, but I will continue as for me it’s basic manners when someone spends money on you or your child. It’s definitely a hill to die on that it’s basic manners, I’m totally with you.

I don't think I've ever received a thank you text for a present after a party. Don't think I've sent one either. It's just not the done thing where I live. Of course, thank yous are said when the gift is given.

I don't remember this ever being a thing as a child either, so not sure standards are slipping in some way.

YABU. If they are having a class party with around 30 children I would never expect them to message every parent individually and say thank you. A group WhatsApp message saying thank you is more than enough. They say thank you when the gift is received at the party though so I wouldn’t even expect a message saying thank you. Sending a photo of the child with the gift from a class party is ridiculous.

If it’s a small party where say 5 close friends are invited people might be more likely to message saying thank you.

I would always message family and close friends to say thank you but this is not necessary for school friends.

I don't get why your thinking the parents do the thankyou?surely a verbal thankyou from child who can't yet write is more important than a parent text?what is a parent text teaching children about manners?kids who naturally say thankyou properly at the time is surely better than parent texts later?

Blimey, all this high pressure gift giving. I hate all this talk of ,I spend hours buying a personalised gift etc. Don't do it, if you don't want to do it, don't do it. If the person isn't grateful enough, don't carry on.

I agree with you, OP. A written thank you acknowledges that the present has been received, opened and appreciated and is just good manners. Ideally from the child, if they are old enough (up to it).

With my first child I used to do individual thank you notes. I would write them and he would sign his name. But I quickly noticed this definitely wasn't usual practice. I had a couple of comments that implied that thought hand written notes were a bit prissy and "amusing" so I dropped back to thanking by text or in person. I was surprised how many people had already forgotten what they'd given. Whilst I'm sure some people do put a lot of thought in, others keep a stash of suitable age presents and don't consider it a big deal.

My kids are 10 years apart so Whats App wasn't around the first time but with my second I just do a group invitation (no paper invites) and a group thank you. I do remind my daughter to thank her friends in person at school.

Funnily enough you mention this, my daughter school class teacher and assistant do give all kids in the class thank bag she's going year 2 in September and this has been happening since she was in reception.
It's very touching inside those thank you bag will be book mark copy of their class photo.
What's we have been doing since our kids were in reception class Christmas and end of year, parents will contribute £5-10 for the teachers gifts and all kids will get little sticker to write thank ( all stickers will be put in one card )
I like this system makes life better and equally, we don't worry individual which gifts to buy. Putting money together and dividing accordingly ( for gifts vouchers and little touches) we so lucky our school teachers are amazing my daughter face lighting up when receiving those thank you bag from teachers in her classroom