To remind you to thank people for gifts!!

[SmartyFace]

My young children have recently started being invited to parties and it really annoys me when there is no thank-you for the gift! Two of my DC are twins, and I always make sure to get a nice gift from each of them. On one recent occasion I even had something personalised with the child's name on. I saw the mum about 10 days later, and even in conversation the gifts were not mentioned. It's so rude!! A quick text is not that difficult, is it? Obviously I don't buy gifts because I want to be thanked, but I'd be absolutely mortified if I realised I hadn't thanked somebody for something they'd taken the time to buy for me or my child.

Anyway, I know I'm not being unreasonable. I just wanted to say that if this is you, it's bloody rude!

If I don’t have their address then I ask them for it. It is sheer laziness not to send a thank you note. I can possibly see why a text is ok (not ideal but ok).

No, a thank you note for a thank you gift does not require a further thank you.

Do you send thank you notes after the party to thank the hostess for inviting your child and for their hospitality, party bag etc?

It’s not wifework, my husband does it too. It’s good parenting and instilling manners.

Among my friends and family, no thank you for a present means no presents in the future. Class parties slightly different but I definitely am put out when I don’t get a thank you via text or in person after the event. Saying thank you when receiving it isn’t enough.

Of course!!!! Who wouldn’t?!?!?!

I think in this instance, the guest should send a written (text is ok) thank you after the meal, once you've enjoyed it, and the host replies, you're welcome, thank you for the wine.

For kids' presents the parents write thanks for having us at the party and the parent replies you're welcome, thanks for the Lego DC has enjoyed building it.

It really doesn't take long to do, I've just done 30, I worked down the list and it's crazy to personalise to the gift.

*easy not crazy 🤦‍♀️

I don't get all the thanking but wifework? Really?

@MaggieFS - how are you doing personalised gifts for kids at KS1? I’m genuinely curious because when DC was in a class of 28 I didn’t even know who all the kids were, much less their preferences for gifts! If you mean personalised as in putting their name on a bag or something I wouldn’t do that - an acquaintance has previously expressed a strong dislike of named items for kids as it allows strangers to know their name easily

Plus it means the gift can't be sold on, donated or regifted if they already have three personalised mini backpacks in impractical colours that never get used something similar.

YABU this is very old fashioned. You were invited, your gift is the thank you for the invite. The end. The endless thank you cycle is too much and a waste of time.

This

I used to make all of mine write thank you notes for any gifts! Its time consuming but it instilled good manners into them and manners are something that is quite often lacking in kids today.

No presents? Oh noes, what a threat. I'd rather have no presents than have someone insist on receiving a hand written note. Less tat, less time-wasting. A win-win situation.

My usual approach is to position my kid at the exit at at end of the party with the party bags. They then hand them out individually to each child saying thanks for coming and thanks for my present. Our birthday parties are usually full class affairs with family staying over too so it’s chaos. If I get a chance I’ll do a follow up text, but if a parent judged me to not having time for individual extra thank yous after hosting, entertaining, feeding, cleaning up after and then personally thanking and giving a thank you gift to their kid, I’d think twice before inviting their kid again. The party bag and the in-person thank you is sufficient thanks in my book.

Definitely!

I think there's just a fundamental mismatch here in the value people ascribe to some of these things.

😆

Christ, who even knows the phone number/address of every child in the class?

I’m surprised at these replies. I always send a thank you.

Well you get them from the RSVPs. But then people turn up having not RSVPd 😂 think the main answer is to just chill out all round. Thank yous in person, make a few extra party bags and let the lack of RSVPs wash over you and enjoy the party.

The present is not a thank you for the invite! The present is a birthday present! The thank you is manners. Which clearly you don’t have. It’s such a basic level of human decency.. no wonder the country is where it is. The sense of entitlement is off the scale.

Sadly I’m not surprised. The replies speak volumes about the sort of people that are bringing up children today.

Great, then all those people don’t have to spend time thinking about and buying presents for someone who appears to be ungrateful. Definitely win win!

Interesting so many people think OP IBU. I was brought up with the whole 'child has to write individual thank you cards for every gift' and it was a relief to realise that I could just send a quick text to the parent saying "thanks for the book/Lego set, whatever". When it's only 10-12 kids at the party it really doesn't take that long to text individually, and I feel that it's nice to have an acknowledgement.

I don't think that saying thank you as the present is handed over counts. If you received a present as an adult from another adult and didn't open it at the time, then surely it would be horribly rude not to text once you'd opened it so you can thank them not just for giving 'a' present, but specifically for the gift that they chose, implying that it's a lovely present (even if not true!). Granted that kids' presents are often much cheaper, but not always, I was surprised when mine were younger how much some other parents spent on them!

When I was still trying to choose nice individual presents I thought the general text to the WhatsApp group 'thanks for all the gifts' was a bit cursory, and was a bit unimpressed by other parents who sent no acknowledgement at all. But I see from this thread that social norms have obviously changed! To be honest I'm less bothered nowadays about sending gifts into a black hole now since my kids are older and my youngest has a big group of friends with frequent birthday parties, so I usually just stick some cash in a card with some sweets.

It's certainly a win for the environment.

People are just rude. It's the same people who don't bother sending RSVP because they just don't care, and they think themselves too important to have basic manners.

They do seem to have a lot of time to waste on social media however, to explain how "busy" they are, which tells you all you need to know.

If it makes you feel a bit better, it's not everyone. Pretty much all my kids friends have always say or written thank you for gifts, or at worst the parents have send a quick message to say thank you.

You don't have to invite the rude ones again. When parents moan their kids feel excluded, they should wonder why.