To remind you to thank people for gifts!!

[SmartyFace]

My young children have recently started being invited to parties and it really annoys me when there is no thank-you for the gift! Two of my DC are twins, and I always make sure to get a nice gift from each of them. On one recent occasion I even had something personalised with the child's name on. I saw the mum about 10 days later, and even in conversation the gifts were not mentioned. It's so rude!! A quick text is not that difficult, is it? Obviously I don't buy gifts because I want to be thanked, but I'd be absolutely mortified if I realised I hadn't thanked somebody for something they'd taken the time to buy for me or my child.

Anyway, I know I'm not being unreasonable. I just wanted to say that if this is you, it's bloody rude!

General drop in stabdards. Parents rarely say thank you, and do not encourage such 'ols-fashioned' manners in their offspring.

I think it is a general convention not to send individual thank yous after a class party (perhaps in recognition of the reciprocal work of hosting the party), it doesn’t mean the child/ parents aren’t sending thank yous to relatives etc. I like it to be honest, even though I am usually keen to instil good manners. If you’ve just joined a primary school perhaps it is politest anyway to follow the general approach rather than trying to impose more work on others who may not have time. There’s enough admin already especially if you’ve just organised a party.

A lot of people wouldn't want personalised stuff, it can't be reused as easily. If you want that much acknowledgement then put money in one card from both children. Most children, six and over like to have their own money to spend. Life has changed and tbh I prefer things now. What you want just puts people under extra pressure. The point of a bounce/soft play class party is to make life easier.

I agree with you OP. If you as a parent don’t have it in you to write a text with “Lovely to see Bob at the party, and thanks so much for the present - Mary can’t wait to play with it”, then maybe hosting 30-kid parties isn’t the way to go for you. It’s manner imo.

How old days? When I was little a party was a handful of children at home for jelly and ice cream and most children didn't have a party with friends. Now children have an endless round of parties. Its more reciprocal. As long as everyone had a lovely time, got to the end without accident or incident, said thank you for having me, thank you for the present on the day, thank you for coming ,that's enough I think. Why spoil something nice by noticing where others don't live up to your standards.

I'm always surprised when people don't say thank you for things, and even more so when people try to defend not thanking as if it's fine.
In this type of situation where a child is likely to receive a lot of gifts at once and may not acknowledge any of them, I wouldn't expend much effort or thought - would just give a small, token thing.

I agree, OP.

My kids always sent thank you cards/letters but it must be considered quaintly old fashioned it's very rarely reciprocated.

Don't get me started though on adults that don't send thank you letters after you've taken Easter off and done a 500 miles round trip and god knows what expense to go to their wedding, but that's a thread for another day...

I sent texts to each parent as my son opened his presents after his whole-class 6th birthday party. Wasn’t much effort for me. But then I realised no one ever thanks us when he’s a guest at a school party, so haven’t done so since. It’s not the done thing round here. Family and actual friends we thank, yes (via text). I’m just following a precedent with the school parties.

Growing up I had to write thank you letters to all my family for my presents, and I liked it and was really good and prompt at it, but nowadays I just sent a text/email on their behalf. Which feels wrong to me but making the kids write a letter feels OTT! We did it for a bit but a few thank-you receivers then told me it was not necessary. And we never receive letters or even texts of thanks from nieces and nephews (or rather, their parents). So basically times are changing I think.

Saying thank you at the time they get the gifts is fine. No need to do anything else.

I was a stickler for thank you letters, but I'd didn't do them for party gifts, or anything handed to the recipient personally. The giver has been thanked for those when they were given.

Yes I absolutely do!! It’s basic manners.. we have had handwritten cards posted after the end of term from our teachers and I think it’s lovely. I also totally expect individual thank you’s for presents I give when my child goes to parties. I get my children write cards.. they grumble of course but it’s basic manners and I find it awful that people don’t do it.

Close friends and family - yes put a lot of thought into gift, personalise stuff etc
Random kid at school - sorry but no way. Fiver in a card or plastic crap from The Works. You've set yourself up for failure there.

Yep.

A good chunk of both parents and DC would prefer the cash anyway, and neither does everyone actually want or value personalised thank yous.

Did your kid get a party bag? Isn’t that a thank you? Did you write a thank you card to say thank you for hosting the party?

30 kids in a class is a lot of thank you cards.

I think a thank you when they hand over the present is fine and part of the wider exchange of gift and party on the day.

We write them and my daughter puts her name.

I agree with you OP. Like you, I used to make a note of which present came from which child & thank them individually. Just rude not to. A 'thank you' when handing the gift over is not the same as they don't know what it is! Just basically good manners in my opinion.

It is! I don't think I've ever had a thank you card after throwing a whole class party. And I don't even want one of them, so 30 would be altogether too much!

Totally agree with you. My two have been to schools in Cheshire and Wiltshire, and most children here write thank you notes and cards....the ones who don't are the oddities here. So no, it's not you and it's basic manners surely. Mind you, our extended family don't even message us so I stopped sending cards and gifts a long time ago when I read about matching people's energy. It saved my soul and my blood pressure! Thanking someone with a proper written note is a proper thank you, not a quick "thanks" in the chaos of the party, and a cover-everyone in one text thank yous make me cringe.

I’m with you op. It’s just simple manners. Sadly in this “ all about me “ world it’s something that’s really lacking.
I would be very pissed off if I never got a personalised thank you . Ds got presents from his friends last week for his birthday ( no party - they were being kind ). We wrote thank you cards.
It is just manners .
You sound lovely by the way op! 🧡

A thank you while handing the gift over is sufficient.

YANBU, OP, a thankyou costs nothing.

A thank you message to the group is fine but this

I usually make a note when my DC open their presents - who each thing was from. Then the next day I spend maybe half an hour sending individual messages. "X loved their writing set, it was really kind of you" etc. It's not a lot of effort.

is wifework. Blokes do not do this and blokes do not get held to account for not doing it either. Women are held to a different standard and it’s not on.
If you have the time and energy to make a list and personally thank everyone OP, I think that’s a lovely thing to do but many women are juggling so much when they have small children, this expectation to be perfect if not fair. Perhaps we should be asking why don’t the Dads say thank you? (Because it’s always the mums who are expected to do it)

There is a difference in 'I chose to send additional thanks' and 'if you don't meet my standards I will judge you'

Who decides who is right? Apart from the judgemental that is

A thank you from any family member would suffice 🙄
Nobody has said anything about it having to come from the mum.

I always thought thank you cards were to say thank you for a gift you didn’t open in person. We write thank you cards to friends and relatives that send presents, but not to those who give presents on the day as we can thank those people in person.