To remind you to thank people for gifts!!

[SmartyFace]

My young children have recently started being invited to parties and it really annoys me when there is no thank-you for the gift! Two of my DC are twins, and I always make sure to get a nice gift from each of them. On one recent occasion I even had something personalised with the child's name on. I saw the mum about 10 days later, and even in conversation the gifts were not mentioned. It's so rude!! A quick text is not that difficult, is it? Obviously I don't buy gifts because I want to be thanked, but I'd be absolutely mortified if I realised I hadn't thanked somebody for something they'd taken the time to buy for me or my child.

Anyway, I know I'm not being unreasonable. I just wanted to say that if this is you, it's bloody rude!

A thank you text doesn't take long at all but I don't mind just a thank you at the party which has always happened. I've got adult relatives who never say thank you for gifts and their 8 and 10 year old kids don't either. Even when you're handing them over! That's beyond rude.

I tried after my DD's first birthday. But some didn't have name tags on (or perhaps cards had become separated from presents). It was so hectic that I couldn't remember who had handed over what bag/package. So I couldn't manage to text everyone.

We had actually put on the invitation there was no need for gifts (can't remember how we phrased it, although I spent ages agonising trying to get a word that didn't sound rude somehow). So couldn't even just text each person that came with a generic "thank you for the present" message as quite a few people had followed instructions!

Anyway I felt a bit anxious about missing thank yous but told myself people probably understood. Now your post makes me feel bad again...

I was going to ask the same. I think thanking for hospitality is at a least as important as thanking for a present. As a PP said, the parents have put a hell of a lot more effort into the party than you've put into the present, plus provided a couple of child free hours if it's a drop off.

If a quick thank you in person is acceptable from you to them, then it's definitely acceptable from them to you.

Perhaps they think you're rude for not texting them.

@Tabtopcurtains

"Yes I absolutely do!! It’s basic manners.. we have had handwritten cards posted after the end of term from our teachers and I think it’s lovely."

And then do you send a thank you card for the thank you card?!

If giving a "thank you" gift I wouldn't expect a "thank you". Because the person would be saying thank you for a thank you.

I also am amazed about all the people who still manage to send cards: I don't have most people's addresses for, say, attendees at a party. I would send a text, often with a photo of the thing in use (here's x playing with the lovely y you gave). And if I open and admire the gift in front of the person I don't send a thank you.

Bringing a birthday present to a kids party is like bringing wine or chocolates to a dinner party. You don’t expect the host to thank you beyond the moment when you hand it over. Some people do send a thank you note afterwards which is nice but not expected.

my kids in a small village school class of 5 other kids. I put on a big joint party for my kids with lots of fun, one parent didnt even bring a gift, not one single item and it wouldn't have bothered me If it hadnt been for the fact that 2 weeks prior it was his kids party and i had bought him a great present which the kid absolutely loved ( id heard he wanted it)

all the others got small little gifts and i thanked them for them but this guy nothing, my kids would have been happy with a bag of Haribo!!!

I couldn't imagine going to someone's party or get together and not taking something and i couldn't imagine not thanking for the gifts they bring either

I agree with you OP. It's not difficult. Even if it is a full class party. 1 msg to the class WhatsApp group. Thanks for the presents everyone who came to the party.

"X loved their writing set, it was really kind of you"

But this is likely to be just made up bollocks, it's just as likely to be "X already has 5 of these so it's going to go straight to the charity shop" or "X isn't that fussed about this so it's going to go in our party present cupboard to regift".

You're obviously not going to say this, so making up personalized messages is silly

Yep! Which is part of the reason why some of us actively don't want people involving us in all this.

Yes I'm another one who makes a note of what each child gave then texts the parents to say thanks for coming and for the gift. Just seems like common courtesy and takes about 10 minutes. I wouldn't judge someone who doesn't do this, but I would feel odd not thanking someone.

You're not wrong, despite the fact people are going to tell you that you are and that you must have too much time on your hands, blah blah. It's really not hard, or time consuming to send a quick thank you. I actually think most parties my DD has been to I have had a thank you text and I've certainly snw thank yous each time, including when she has had whole nursery class parties. Basic manners.

I think it very much depends on context. If they are there then of course a thank you is appropriate.

But all of this making notes of gifts and individual messages is to me too much, I don’t want to do it for all of my kids, I don’t have the time, it’s a pain to have 30 messages on the class WhatsApp and as others have said 9 times out of 10 this is only ever done because some harassed mother has had to do it on top of their other days work. So to me those types of than yous are nit really genuine anyway- I don’t expect them from friends invite gifts to and don’t always do it myself.

I will die right there on that hill with you op. I am a stickler for thank you cards.

Most of my dc’s parents are the same actually; all through the years of primary school I would receive little thank you cards from my dc’s friends after their birthday parties. It’s gradually dying out now they are teens though.

YANBU.

If you lack the ability to send a quick thank you text for the gift, can even be a copy and paste job, you shouldn't be holding parties for your kid.

I say thank you when I receive the gift. It’s heartfelt and genuine. I do not make lists of item and present-giver so that I can then send individual thank you messages.

I already said thank you when I received the gift. Why do people need a second thank you?

I wasn’t brought up in Britain though, and this is one of those cultural differences that I’ll never understand or get on board with. I’m not trying to be rude, I genuinely don’t see the need for double thank yous. Because if I receive those myself it’s yet more time and energy to answer them back too.

So the non-British parents who were never taught how to do this or simply don’t believe in the concept, should never hold birthday parties for their children? Nice.

Surely everyone says thank you when you give them the gift. I consider that enough. People are busy. They are kind enough to throw a party and invite your children. As long as they thanked you when handing the gift over there is no need for extra thanking.

I always tried, and generally failed particularly with DS2 who has a pre Christmas birthday
We always made sure he acknowledged every gift at the party though, and added Thank you stickers to the sweet cones etc. A bit of a cop out, but I just knew we'd forget in the Christmas mad rush!

Personally, as long as someone says thank you when the gift is handed over, I couldn't care less if I don't receive a thank you note..

YABU

Nobody did thank yous in our area for party gifts. Your child is invited to a party and has fun, that seems enough of a thanks I think. I would be really surprised to get a "thank you for the gift" text!

We are all parents, we all know the effort involved for both party hosting and gift buying. No need to place more expectation on a parent.

wow, after reading this I wondering how many people have decided I’m incredibly rude for never sending a card/personalised message/photo after an all class party 🙈
Genuine question - how do you know these kids well enough to buy a personalised present at KS1 age? Are you texting the parents beforehand to ask what the kids like? In a class of 28 there was no way I knew who the kids/parents were, let alone what they’d like! DC was useless when asked, there was pretty much an entire year of the answer being power rangers, regardless of the child

Agree op. It’s certainly pretty standard in both my children’s friendship groups to send a thanks text message. Now that one of my children is a teen she sends her own message.

I appreciate a thanks when I get one. But also I understand that kids’ parties are a bit chaotic, the gifts and tags/ cards get mixed up. There’s a massive clean up operation, kids get carried away with present opening etc. It’d hard to keep on top of it all if there’s been a large class party. Maybe a bit different if there’s only half a dozen guests / presents.

These days the usual thing is just to thank the mum when you see them or send a message to the birthday Whatsapp group.

Oh my God...all the thanking. Endless thanking. Say thank you at the time and then take time out of your day for more thanking. And if they respond with thanking you back...A BIT MORE THANKING.

Yabu to 'remind' us to say thank you.
You sound like dh's aunt...she likes to 'remind' me of sending notes and cards and thanking dh's family members. Not dh mind, just me.
All the thanking is wifework you see,

Bugger off.