To remind you to thank people for gifts!!

[SmartyFace]

My young children have recently started being invited to parties and it really annoys me when there is no thank-you for the gift! Two of my DC are twins, and I always make sure to get a nice gift from each of them. On one recent occasion I even had something personalised with the child's name on. I saw the mum about 10 days later, and even in conversation the gifts were not mentioned. It's so rude!! A quick text is not that difficult, is it? Obviously I don't buy gifts because I want to be thanked, but I'd be absolutely mortified if I realised I hadn't thanked somebody for something they'd taken the time to buy for me or my child.

Anyway, I know I'm not being unreasonable. I just wanted to say that if this is you, it's bloody rude!

Kids parties I would say thanks when kids are collected. He gave our niece money last xmas not a thanks she late 20s so thats it now. Manners are lacking. Even a quick text she got it. Terrible.

Things like this stress me so so much. Almost to the point of not wanting to throw parties.
I often find them overwhelming and quite stressful and having 5 children each with possibly 30-40 children at parties (class mates and family etc) I could not cope with sending potentially 200 personalised thank you notes each year on top of life/work etc.
I often start off trying to make note of who bought what but I often lose track and then get confused and give up.
We always say thanks for the gift when it's given and thank them again for coming/the gift when leaving but honestly life is hard enough without being judged for forgetting to write a personalised note etc 🤦‍♀️

Yes it is bloody rude. I send parcels to family members for their birthdays and at Christmas and rarely get a thank you. They didn’t even bother to thank their Grandma either when she was alive. Certainly not how I was brought up.

I usually make a note when my DC open their presents - who each thing was from. Then the next day I spend maybe half an hour sending individual messages. "X loved their writing set, it was really kind of you" etc. It's not a lot of effort.

I get that it’s not a massive effort in the great scheme of things, but it does have a whiff of ‘here’s yet another task for women’ to me.

I just can’t picture many dads carefully cataloging who sent what present and spending 30 mins sending out personalised text messages. Which makes me think why the hell should mums be expected to do it!

Any parties my kids have been invited to they've always been thanked when handing over their present or card, that's good enough for me. Likewise my kids always say thanks when they are given a birthday present and I would thank the parent aswell and for bringing their child. That's as far as it goes

I'm really not bothered. Usually my child will come home and say so-and-so loves whatever we have them, that's good enough for me.

Agree. I find it highly implausible that this is something dads do as often as mums, anecdotes on MN notwithstanding.

@SmartyFace I agree 100%

Totally agree, bad manners, takes no effort and if not individual, then send a group message.

I open with them, we opened at DDs parties too so the omg i love this comes then and there, in a genuine manner
I never understood the waiting till later to open

A thankyou days later comes off as fake to me, like what, you needed time to prep a thank you?
Those who demand it come off as needy and like they have this air of importance, who really needs 2 thankyous, across a few days?
This is normal thinking in my circle, we would all be weirded out by someone wanting extra thankyous days later

Only person we call after a gift is MIL as she is interstate and posts them so we call when they get delivered

If you're given a gift in person, you say thank you at that point. No need to thank again. If it is sent or dropped off then you should text a thank you.

It's taken my three year old two months to open their presents as we space them out. It's been 10 days.

Personally I find the catch all message to the entire WhatsApp group "thank you all for coming, Imogen had a great time and thank you all for her presents" just poor.

Too bad. That WhatsApp message plus a party bag is what you get from me and it's what I've received from every single party both my kids have attended.

It's fine.

Same here, always make an effort to thank people for any gifts. More and more often you don’t get any thank you for a baby gift or wedding present either. Just bloody rude.

Is that not the point in a party bag at the end. Birthday child hands out party bag and cake and says thank you for coming?

I wouldn't expect anything more than that.

Actually you are unreasonable. Yes in an ideal world we would all say thank you for all the presents. However its not always doable, my daughter has had plenty of parties and I've pretty much never known who's given what present. Also the gift is a thank you for the invite, are they really supposed to say thank you for the thank you.

When people have posted gifts yes absolutely a thank you message is needed, When you've handed it over at a party, it's been thanked for then, so no need to thank again.

Surely the child says thank you at the time? It's not for me to thank people, the gift is for the child. Thanks can be done verbally, there's no for double thank yous!

Well as much as you would like to think that people are like you they aren’t…..evidence would say most are not as particular as you. Time you stopped getting so offended so easily #sorrynotsorry

I’ve always been very hot on thank you notes with both of my kids - one’s 20 now, and the other is 12. Post-birthday and Christmas they would always send thank you letters for presents from family and friends. But I’ve never sent thank yous for birthday party gifts from school friends. The child always said thank you as the gift was given at the party, and if someone texted with a thank you for the party/party bag I would reply on the child’s behalf with a thank you for the gift. If a present was a particular hit I might have let the mum know by text, but to write 30-odd thank you notes would have been unmanageable and equally we’ve never received a specific thank you from any school party we’ve been to. Part of the joy of school birthday parties was knowing you didn’t have to write a ton of thank you notes afterwards!

The party is the thank you. It's like a trade. They entertain your kid and you give them tat they don't want in their house.

This is what I do. A personalised thank you message to each parent. TBH 90% of my kids friends parents do the same. I just really see that as excellent manners. Basic manners is to thank when the gift is received but not opened. But hey who wants to be basic 🤣

Sad to see so many people who disagree with this sentiment. If it’s too stressful to individually thank guests in a manner relevant to the specific present they chose and purchased by text/phone/letter, then maybe have a smaller party?

I always send thank you messages but I don’t judge the parents who don’t. Thank yous are usually exchanged at the party and people have a lot on their plates when hosting a party for x number of kids

Teacher here - and yes I do! I write thank you notes for any presents I receive at Christmas or the end of year. (Although some children are always disappointed when they open it to find it’s not a party invitation 🤣) BUT - I never sent thank you notes from any of my own children after their whole class parties - we just said thank you when any gifts were handed over and ‘thanks for coming’ at the end when we handed out party bags.