To think that 'I'll be out for a couple hours' means 'I'll be out for two hours' (or close, at least)?

[JustMeSammy]

It wouldn't mean around four hours? Or AIBU?

This will be quite long but I don#t want to leave information out.

I am an oldie on here but I've changed my name in case anybody recognises the situation who knows me or her-I don't know whether to call her DP as we don't live together and haven't been seeing one another very long.

We met at work when I was on secondment in her area but I live around 2 and a half/three hours from her and we decided to just see what happened and if it worked we could look at getting a place together.

There was an event in a town near her this Saturday just gone that we both fancied going to so she invited me over for the weekend. IIf I visit I normally just stay Friday and Saturdya night but this one, I told her that as I had the Monday off too this week, maybe I could stay over Sunday night and we could do something Sunday too?

She said yes that would be good, but that she was doing her hobby that day, but that she'd only be gone a couple of hours. She offered to not do it but I said no, that's fine, I don't mind being left for a couple of hours. She lives in a lovely place and I would just go to the shops or go grab a drink somewhere and read my book or whatever (or hang about at hers, weather/mood depending).

We go to event on Saturday, all good and on the way back we stop for a drink, and I ask something like 'Okay remind me about tomorrow, when are you leaving and coming back so we can plan what we can do' and she said she'd be leaving around 12:30pm and back around 16:30 pm.

I was a bit like 'WTF you said you'd be gone a couple of hours and that's 4?! She said 'yeh a couple of hours' I said no, a couple of hours is two hours! I can easily kill a couple of hours at yours but not 4! We argued although not a 'heated' argument as I am a very 'cool' person and don't like to argue but in the end she said 'right I won't go then!!!' And I said no, you go. I think that if she DIDN'T go she'd tell her hobby friends that I had stopped her or told her not to and I don't want that

I am really quite annoyed. Feel I am worth a bit more than that-if she's going to have me over she can't be gone out for the best part of the day (and a quarter of it) I'd also never do that to her.

She continued to argue that a couple of hours doesn't have to mean two.
She also kept explaining things like 'well the thing at hobby takes two hours but I've got to get there and back and that takes X amount of time and then I have to be there a bit of time before and then we have to do this afterwards....' etc etc and I said none of that is relevant! You said a couple of hours and you meant four!

I tried framing it to her that if her work asked her to stay behind for two hours, and she agreed but then they expected her to stay behind for four, would that be okay? She said 'Wouldn't bother me!' so I said well you'd just do four hours woudl you?

She said no!

I asked if we were a couple and she says yes, and I said 'well how many of us are there!!'

As it was, I came home today I felt quite unwanted and unappreciated. It's quite a long drive, and I was looking forward to another day with her. I didn't mind two hours, but not four.

I have no idea how this thread is going to go!

AIBU to have left?
AIBU to feel unwanted/unappreciated?

AIBU to think that 'couple of hours' means two hours (obviously with a bit of give and take, I'd not mind if someone said a couple of hours and it turned out to be just under or over).

AIBU to think It's rude to have someone be with you for the day and then bog off to do something else for a lot of it, leaving them by themselves in a town they don't know? At least without telling them the truth about it?

I'd never do that and I told her this-to which she said that it wouldn't bother her if I did.

A couple is definitely 2. If she had been gone under 3hrs I would think that reasonable, 4 is a hell of a long time, when she's invited you over!

Why is she living with her parents if her father abused her as a child? The whole think is entirely messed up.

Ah OK I would expect a difference in the norm to be communicated. She said a couple, it usually is a couple. So this time is different but she didn't tell you it would be. And has acted as though she has already told you. I would be a bit bothered by that bit. Feels potentially gaslighty. Or perhaps just a miscommunication. Without knowing exactly how she's said it it's hard to know.

Are you 5? Can you not entertain yourself for 4 hours?
I know you're arguing about semantics , you sound hard work.

So you huffed off home before she came back, even though this morning she told you when she’d be back?

She didn’t “lie”. You cut your nose off to spite your face and if I were her I’d be glad I’d dodged a bullet

I think because she was right in the sense that I would wear few clothes, and there were some men in the hobby and she felt uncomfortable with it.

I would agree that a couple means 2, 2-3 hours.

But I think you hugely over reacted. To say “I feel I am worth more than that” feels very dramatic.
She checked with you first, said she would’ve cancelled etc. She hasn’t done anything malicious, you both just have a different concept of what a “couple of hours” means.
If I was her, I would see your reaction to this as a huge red flag. She didn’t mean to upset you. I think at best you could’ve said to her “oh wow, four hours, I assumed two? Ah okay that’s a lot longer than I was imagining I’d be alone for but no, it’s cool, you go ahead and I’ll cook us a nice dinner when you get back.” As in, let her know you feel a tad misled but then basically get over it, it’s really not worth that reaction from you, and you going home early.

@JustMeSammy

why is she living with her parents, in her 40's, with that history.

I wouldn't stay there either!!
Dont waste time thinking about what she has done that was malicious, I just thought you'd be able to tell me about a couple of things easily. Spend the time thinking about what you are getting out of this 'relationship'

No, I didn't huff. I told her I was happy if it was two hours or thereabouts, less so with four, yesterday. We walked her dogs togethr this morning before she she left for her hobby.

It isn't so much that, more so that I get upset talking about some of it, and also that they're long things to type and I am now in the bath on my 'phone(was on laptop before). I will come back to it though, I realise why responders may need some history now.

I can, but I feel I should have known that i had to before visiting and without having to dig any deeper than asking her how long it would be for.

I’d have thought a couple means 2-3, with the context that it’s usually less than 2 you were totally reasonable to assume the same and reasonable to be annoyed that she didn’t highlight that this time would be different. BUT gosh it’s such a small thing to get in a fight about. Therefore, overall, yabu in this instance. I guess this get symbolic of some general irritation.

Sounds like the two of you need to have a talk soon about how the relationship will continue and how to make sure you both feel valued. Long distance is a bitch. If you really like each other maybe you need to talk about moving sooner rather than later. If not… better to admit it’s not a good fit than hold on. Sorry it made you feel crap.

She says it didn't affect her, she needed it as she was naughty, and she genuinely does not seem to care (she puts this down to her ASD) Lack of emotion etc.

Must clarify that I mean physical abuse, not CSA.

And?

Whether it was huffy or not, you left before she came back even though she’s told you it’d be that long. I think you’ve been really silly tbh

This is a not a healthy relationship.

"Acouple" of hours would mean 2-3 for me. Anything more I'd class as "a few."

i remember having this argument when I started in Uni as being the only Welsh student in a flat full of English. I was adamant that a “couple” meant basically less than ten (could be more - “I’ll be ready in a couple of minutes” “I’ll just have a couple of chips”. I genuinely could not understand how a couple could be just two!

yes I completely understand couple literally means two but that was just not the impression I’d ever had… when I came home asked a lot of (also Welsh) family and friends and they couldn’t understand it at all… of course a couple can be more than two!!

so anyway, this might be a legitimate cultural difference of sorts here!

even still, I don’t think 4 is that far off 2 sorry!

I unfortunately can't cook a nice dinner in her friend's house, nothing there is hers etc and it would feel intrusive. I feel I am worth more than her not being clear about it beforehand, yes. I may not have gone, or made other plans or gone but known what was happening.

This.

Sorry, didn't respond to latter half of your post. She says she doesn't care, isn't afraid of him, doesn't see much of him due to different work patterns etc.

I do see what you're saying. She seemed to imply that I did it because I 'liked being perved on) which was (hopefully obviously!) Not the case! I just did it for fun and a sense of achievement.

If she normally travels to you, then it was overdue your turn to travel. Quite possibly she doesn’t like where you live either. Is her “misleading” you about things, like this situation here when it appears to be a fairly simple misunderstanding?

To me a couple is 2, a few is 3 plus. But maybe not everyone uses that correct terminology. She might not have been deceiving you, but just doesn’t know a couple is meant to be 2hrs